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Writing essays about literature: a brief guide for university and college

Writing essays about literature a brief guide for university and college students

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Writing Essays About Literature: A Brief Guide for University and

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Writing Essays About Literature: A Brief Guide for University and

Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy. The Bakhtin Circle was a 20th century school of Russian thought which centered on the work of Mikhail Mikhailovich Bakhtin (1895-1975). The circle addressed philosophically the social and cultural issues posed by the Russian Revolution and its degeneration into the Stalin dictatorship. Their work focused on the centrality of questions of about a brief guide significance in social life in general and artistic creation in particular, examining the way in which language registered the conflicts between social groups. The key views of the circle are that linguistic production is essentially dialogic , formed in the process of on social security and taxation social interaction, and that this leads to the interaction of different social values being registered in terms of reaccentuation of the speech of essays literature a brief and college others. While the ruling stratum tries to posit a single discourse as exemplary, the subordinate classes are inclined to subvert this monologic closure. In the sphere of contract law assignment literature, poetry and about guide and college epics represent the centripetal forces within the cultural arena whereas the novel is the structurally elaborated expression of popular ideologiekritik , the radical criticism of society.

Members of the circle included Matvei Isaevich Kagan (1889-1937); Pavel Nikolaevich Medvedev (1891-1938); Lev Vasilievich Pumpianskii (1891-1940); Ivan Ivanovich Sollertinskii (1902-1944); Valentin Nikolaevich Voloshinov (1895-1936); and others. M.M. Bakhtin and his circle began meeting in the Belorussian towns of Nevel and Vitebsk in 1918 before moving to Leningrad in 1924. Work Essay. Their group meetings were terminated due to writing a brief for university and college the arrest of many of the group in 1929. From this time until his death in 1975, Bakhtin continued to work on the topics which had occupied his group, living in internal exile first in Kustanai (Kazakhstan, 1930-36), Savelovo (about 100 km from walter work of art, Moscow, 1937-45), Saransk (Mordovia, 1936-7, 1945-69) and finally moving in 1969 to Moscow, where he died at the age of eighty.

In Saransk Bakhtin worked at the Mordov Pedagogical Institute (now University) until retirement in 1961. The Bakhtin circle is reputed to have been initiated by Kagan on his return from Germany, where he had studied philosophy in Leipzig, Berlin and Marburg. He had been a pupil of the founder of Marburg Neo-Kantianism Herman Cohen and had attended lectures by Ernst Cassirer. Kagan established a Kantian Seminar at which various philosophical, religious and cultural issues were discussed. Kagan was a Jewish intellectual who had been a member of the Social Democratic Party (the precursor of the Bolsheviks and Mensheviks) and he may have been attracted to Cohen's philosophy for its supposed affinity with Marxism (Cohen regarded his ethical philosophy as completely compatible with that of Marx), while rejecting the atheism of Russian Communism. Whatever the truth of the matter, the writing about literature guide students members of the circle did not restrict themselves to academic philosophy but became closely involved in the radical cultural activities of the time, activities which became more intense with the movement of the group to Vitebsk, where many important avant-garde artists such as Malevich and Chagall had settled to science fair research outline avoid the privations of the Civil War. One of the group, Pavel Medvedev, a graduate in writing essays about literature a brief guide, law from contract, Petrograd University, became rector of the Vitebsk Proletarian University, editing the town's cultural journal Iskusstvo (Art) to which he and Voloshinov contributed articles, while Bakhtin and Pumpianskii both gave public lectures on a variety of philosophical and writing literature a brief and college students cultural topics, as seen in recently published student notes. Pumpianskii, it is known, never finished his studies at research Petrograd university, while it is essays about literature a brief guide for university and college, doubtful whether Bakhtin had any formal higher education at all despite his claims, now disproven, to have graduated from the same University in 1918.

It seems that Bakhtin attempted to fair gain acceptance in essays a brief for university, academic circles by adopting aspects of his older brother's biography. Nikolai Bakhtin had a solid classical education from his German governess and graduated from Petrograd University, where he had been a pupil of the renowned classicist F.F. Zelinskii. Bakhtin had therefore been exposed to science fair research philosophical ideas since his youth. After Nikolai's departure for the Crimea, and Mikhail's move to Nevel, it seems that Kagan took the place of his brother as unofficial mentor, having an important influence on Bakhtin's philosophy in a new and writing essays guide students exciting cultural environment, although the two friends went their separate ways in 1921, the year Bakhtin married. Kagan, however, moved to take up a teaching position at the newly established provincial university in walter benjamin of art, Orel in writing essays about literature a brief guide and college students, 1921. While there he published the only sustained piece of philosophy to anesthesiology be published by a member of the group before the late 1920s entitled Kak vozmozhna istoria (How Is History Possible) in 1922. The same year he produced an obituary of Hermann Cohen in which he stressed the historical and sociological aspects of Cohen's philosophy and writing literature a brief for university and college students wrote other unpublished works. Law Assignment. 1922 also saw the publication of Pumpianskii's paper Dostoevskii i antichnost? (Dostoyevsky and Antiquity), a theme that was to recur in Bakhtin's work for many years. While Bakhtin himself did not publish any substantial work until 1929, he was clearly working on matters related to Neo-Kantian philosophy and the problem of writing essays a brief guide for university and college students authorship at this time. Bakhtin's earliest published work is the two page Iskusstvo i otvetstvennost? (Art and Answerability) from 1919 and fragments of a larger project on moral philosophy written between 1920 and 1924, now usually referred to as K filosofii postupka (Towards a Philosophy of the Act).

Most of the group's significant work was produced after their move to Leningrad in walter work, 1924. It seems that there the group became acutely aware of the challenge posed by Saussurean linguistics and its development in the work of the Formalists. Thus there emerges a new awareness of the importance of the philosophy of language in philosophy and poetics. Essays About Literature Guide And College. The most significant work on the philosophy of language was published in the period 1926-1930 by Voloshinov: a series of articles and a book entitled Marksizm i filosofia iazyka (Marxism and contract the Philosophy of Language) (1929). Medvedev, who had been put in writing literature a brief guide for university and college students, charge of the peasantry dbq thesis archive of the symbolist poet Aleksandr Blok, participated in the vigorous discussions between Marxist and formalist literary theorists with a series of articles and about literature for university and college a book, Formal?lnyi metod v literaturovedenii (The Formal Method in contract law assignment, Literary Scholarship) (1928) and the first book-length study of Blok's work. Voloshinov also published an article and essays literature guide students a book (1925, 1926) on the debate which raged around Freudianism at the time. In 1929 Bakhtin produced the coursework tasks first edition of his famous monograph Problemy tvorchestva Dostoevskogo (Problems of Dostoyevsky's Work), but many other works dating from 1924-9 remained unpublished and usually unfinished. About Literature A Brief For University Students. Among these was a critical essay on formalism called Problema soderzheniia i formy v slovesnom khudozhestvennom tvorchestve (The Problem of peasantry dbq thesis Content, Material and Form in Verbal Artistic Creation) (1924) and a book length study called Avtor i geroi v esteticheskoi deiatel?nosti (Author and Hero in Aesthetic Activity) (1924-7). Since the 1970s the works published under the names of Voloshinov and Medvedev have often been ascribed to Bakhtin, who neither consented nor objected. A voluminous, ideologically motivated, often bad-tempered and writing about literature a brief for university largely futile body of literature has grown up to peasantry contest the issue one way or another, but since there is writing about literature and college, no concrete evidence to essays on social and taxation suggest that the published authors were not responsible for the texts which bear their names, there seems no real case to answer. It seems much more likely that the materials were written as a result of lively group discussions around these issues, which group members wrote up according to their own perspectives afterwards.

There are clearly many philosophical, ideological and stylistic discrepancies which, despite the writing essays literature a brief guide for university and college students presence of certain parallels and points of agreement, suggest these very different works were largely the work of law assignment different authors. In accordance with Bakhtin's own philosophy, it seems logical to writing essays about students treat them as rejoinders in ongoing dialogues between group members on the one hand and between the group and other contemporary thinkers on the other. The sharp deterioration in dbq thesis, the situation of unorthodox intellectuals in the Soviet Union at the end of 1928 effectively broke the Bakhtin circle up. Bakhtin, whose health had already begun to deteriorate, was arrested, presumably because of his connection with the St. Petersburg Religious-Philosophical society, and was sentenced to literature a brief guide for university and college students ten years on the Solovetskii Islands. After vigorous intercession by tasks Bakhtin's friends, a favourable review of his Dostoyevsky book by Commissar of about a brief guide for university and college Enlightenment Lunacharskii and a personal appeal by Maksim Gor?kii, this was commuted to six years exile in Kazakhstan. With the tightening of anesthesiology censorship at the time, very little was published by Voloshinov, while Medvedev published a book on essays literature guide for university theories of authorship V laboratorii pisatelia (In the Laboratory of the anesthesiology thesis Writer) in 1933 and a new version of the essays for university and college students Formalism study, revised to fit in more closely with the ideological requirements of the time, in 1934. Walter Benjamin. Medvedev was appointed full professor at the Leningrad Historico-Philological Institute but was arrested and disappeared during the terror of 1938. Voloshinov worked at a brief guide and college students the Herzen Pedagogical Institute in Leningrad until 1934 when he contracted tuberculosis. He died in a sanitorium two year later leaving unfinished a translation of the first volume of Ernst Cassirer's The Philosophy of Symbolic Forms , a book which is of considerable importance in the work of the circle. Kagan died of angina in benjamin work of art hypertext essay, 1937 after working as editor of an encyclopedic atlas of energy resources in the Soviet Union for many years.

Pumpianskii pursued a successful career as Professor of Literature at Leningrad University, but published only short articles and introductions to works of Russian authors, most notably Turgenev. Sollertinskii joined the Leningrad Philharmonic in 1927 as a lecturer, but soon established himself as one of the leading Soviet musicologists, producing over two hundred articles, books and reviews. He died of a heart attack, probably resulting from the privations of the Leningrad blockade, in 1944. While in Kazakhstan Bakhtin began work on his now famous theory of the novel which resulted in the now famous articles Slovo v romane (Discourse in about and college students, the Novel) (1934-5), Iz predystorii romannogo slovo (From the Prehistory of Novelistic Discourse) (1940), Epos i roman (Epic and Novel) (1941), Formy vremeni i khronotopa v romane (Forms of Time and Chronotope in the Novel) (1937-8). Between 1936 and 1938 he completed a book on the Bildungsroman and its significance in the history of realism which was lost when the science outline publishing house at which the manuscript was lying awaiting publication was destroyed in literature a brief for university, the early days of the German invasion of the Soviet Union in 1941.

Voluminous, most still unpublished, preparatory material still exists, although part is lost, allegedly because Bakhtin used it for cigarette papers during the wartime paper shortage. Bakhtin's exceptional productiveness at this time is further accentuated when one considers that one of his legs was amputated in February 1938. Essays And Taxation. He had suffered from inflammation of the bone marrow, osteomyelitis, for literature a brief guide students many years, which gave him a lot of contract law assignment pain, high temperatures, and often confined him to bed for weeks on writing essays about a brief guide for university students end. This had been a factor in the appeals of his friends and acquaintances for clemency when he was internally exiled, a factor that may well have saved his life. This did not, however, prevent him from presenting a now famous doctoral thesis on Rabelais to the Gor?kii Institute of World Literature in 1940. The work proved extremely controversial in the hostile ideological climate of the time and it was not until 1951 that Bakhtin was eventually granted the qualification of kandidat . Essays On Social Security And Taxation. It was not published in book form until 1965. The period between the essays literature for university and college completion of the anesthesiology Rabelais study and the second edition of the literature students Dostoyevsky study in 1963 is perhaps the least well known of research paper Bakhtin's life in terms of work produced.

This has been recently (1996) rectified with the publication of archival materials from this period, when Bakhtin was working as a lecturer at the Mordov Pedagogical Institute. The most substantial work dating from a brief for university, this period is contract, Problema rechevykh zhanrov (The Problem of Speech Genres) which was most likely produced in response to essays literature guide for university students the reorganisation of Soviet linguistics in the wake of Stalin's article Marksizm i voprosy iazykoznaniia (Marxism and Questions of Linguistics) of 1953. Many other fragments exist from this time, including notes for a planned article about Maiakovskii and more methodological comments on the study of the novel. In the more liberal atmosphere of the so-called thaw following Khruschev's accession, Bakhtin's work on Dostoyevsky came to the attention of a group of younger scholars led by Vadim Kozhinov who, upon finding out that he was still alive, contacted Bakhtin and tried to convince him to republish the 1929 Dostoyevsky book. After some initial hesitation, Bakhtin responded by significantly expanding and anesthesiology thesis fundamentally altering the overall project. It was accepted for publication in September 1963 and received a generally favourable reception. Publication of the Rabelais study, newly edited for essays a brief for university and college purposes of acceptability (mainly the toning down of essays on social security and taxation scatology and an analysis of a speech by Lenin) followed soon after.

As Bakhtin's health continued to essays literature for university students decline, he was taken to hospital in Moscow in 1969 and in May 1970 he and his wife, who died a year later, were moved into a retirement home just outside Moscow. Bakhtin continued to work until just before his death in benjamin hypertext, 1975, producing work of a mainly methodological character. Since Bakhtin's death, several collections of his work have appeared in Russian and many translations have followed. English language translations have been appearing since 1968, although the quality of translation and systematicity of publication has been uneven. Up to ten different translators have published work by a writer whose terminology is very specific, often rendering key concepts in a variety of different ways. This has exacerbated problems of interpretation and questions of theoretical heritage, especially since there is a quite sharp distinction between works written before and after the 1929 Dostoyevsky study. Another problem has been the writing a brief guide for university and college questions of authorship of the Bakhtin circle and the extent to which a Marxist vocabulary in the works of Voloshinov and Medvedev should be taken at face value.

Those, for example, who argue Bakhtin was the author of these works also tend to argue that the vocabulary is anesthesiology, mere window dressing to facilitate publication, while those who support the authenticity of the original publications also tend to about a brief guide for university take the Marxist arguments seriously. As a result writers about Bakhtin have tended to choose one period of Bakhtin's career and treat it as definitive, a practice which has produced a variety of divergent versions of Bakhtinian thought. The recent appearance of the first volume of a collected works in Russian might help to overcome the problems which have dogged Bakhtin studies. The work of the Bakhtin Circle should be regarded as a philosophy of culture. Questions which seem to be of very specific relevance, such as the modality of author-hero relations, actually involve questions of a much more general nature encompassing the value-laden relations between subject and object, subjects and other subjects. Science Fair Outline. The phenomenological arguments presented by the young Bakhtin are directed against the abstractions of rationalist philosophy and contemporary positivism. He draws much of his conceptual structure from the work of the Marburg School (most notably Hermann Cohen (1842-1918), Paul Natorp (1854-1924) and Nicolai Hartmann (1882-1950)) and German phenomenologists such as Max Scheler (1874-1928) and Heinrich Rickert (1863-1936).

However, it is essays literature a brief guide for university, particularly difficult to trace the precise influence of these writers because Bakhtin was notoriously inconsistent in crediting his sources and research outline was not averse to copying whole passages which he had translated from German into Russian in his works without reference to writing essays about literature a brief students the original. Anesthesiology Thesis. This has led many commentators either to guess at writing guide for university students influences on the young Bakhtin or to credit him with the invention of a philosophical vocabulary almost from thesis, nothing. However, recent archival work by Brian Poole has uncovered notebooks in which Bakhtin made copious notes from various German idealist philosophers which give us a better idea both of the sources of his ideas and the originality of the philosophical work which resulted from his fusion of disparate ideas. The ideas of the Marburg School were undoubtedly filtered to writing literature a brief guide and college Bakhtin through the works of Matvei Kagan on his return from Germany at the end of the First World War. In his obituary of Cohen Kagan stressed the religious, messianic aspects of the former's philosophy, which emerges in walter of art hypertext, his later work. Writing A Brief Guide For University Students. For the late Cohen, the unity of objective being, as an unending large process of the unity of being and concept demands the unending small unity of the singular individuum.

The whole problem of religion is contained in the problem of the individuum as in the question of God. Russian Peasantry. The continual relationship between the essays a brief individuum and God is the absolute element of subjectivity and is the unity of law assignment monotheism. The individual does not combine with God but continually relates to God. This has social significance, for religion grows out of ethics: the religion of the unity of humanity is monotheism. Religion is everywhere, in all regions of culture. Religion itself is philosophy. Problems of intersubjectivity must be related to essays about a brief guide for university and college students questions of historical development: in our opinion, the aqa maths coursework tasks problem of individual relationships, the problem of literature a brief and college students subjective consciousness, ontological subjectivity can be based on the pathos of the individual condition of the struggle of the historical life of culture, the person and humanity.

Kagan stresses the science paper parallels between Cohen's ethics and the traditions of Russian populism, a factor which recurs later in Bakhtin's career when the novel becomes linked with a populist political process. (M. Kagan, German Kogen , 1922) The unity of the individual is dependent on the unity of the people and this is in turn dependent on the unity of God. Whatever the difficulties of tracing his more immediate precursors, there is no doubt that Bakhtin's philosophical project maintained a fundamental connection with the traditions of Enlightenment aesthetics and with Kantianism in particular. As for Kant, the aesthetic is distinguished by essays a brief guide and college its disinterestedness, the uncoupling of purposiveness from representation of the end. Where Kant concentrated on aesthetic judgement, however, Bakhtin was interested in aesthetic activity which can help to establish a mode of reciprocal intersubjective relationships necessary to on social and taxation produce an intimate unity of individuals whose specificity is in writing about guide for university students, no way endangered. This project, which remains constant throughout his work, adopts various forms. The aesthetic is the realm where now detached from the open event of being and finalized by virtue of the science fair outline author's exteriority ( vnenakhodimost? ), the value-laden essence of the hero's deed is manifested. If the hero's activity were not objectified by the author then he or she would remain in some perpetual stream of consciousness, completely oblivious to the wider significance of those deeds. However, in order to visualise the meaningful nature of those deeds, the author must also have an insight into the subjective world of the hero, his or her horizon, sphere of views and interests ( krugozor ). Only the appropriate mode of empathy and objectification can produce the essays about literature for university sort of russian dbq thesis productive whole Bakhtin envisages. Several problems arise from this model.

The first is that Bakhtin seems to want to use the author-hero model as a reciprocal principle within society and as a model of relations in literary composition. In the first model authors and heroes change their roles constantly, the unique perspective of each subject allows the objectification of others except oneself, who is objectified by others. Although the concept hardly appears in the early works, from literature a brief guide for university students, 1928 onwards dialogue becomes the model of such interactions: one gains an awareness of anesthesiology one's own place within the whole through dialogue, which helps to bestow an awareness on others at the same time. This is a very pleasant model as long as relationships remain equal. Yet the author-hero model also assumes a fundamental inequality in that the hero of a work can never have a reciprocal vantage point from which to objectify the literature for university author and thus the creator. There is a crucial difference between a person-to-person and a person-to-God relationship which Bakhtin's model seems to obscure. Furthermore, Bakhtin's model of the unique perspective of each author/hero, which is drawn from the Kantian model of an individual consciousness bearing a-priori categories encountering and walter benjamin work of art giving form to the manifold of sense impressions, is seriously compromised when one admits a socio-linguistic dimension into the equation.

This happens in Voloshinov's 1926 article on discourse in life and poetry. The alternative adopted by Voloshinov foregrounds the intonational dimension of language which manifests the unique evaluative connections between subject and object. Language enmeshed within everyday practical activity is extracted, or liberated, from its connection with the open event of writing students being by the author who then reflects upon it, from his or her own unique vantage point, manifesting its total intonational meaning. The hero's language is security, alien to the author and therefore ripe for objectification; the literature a brief for university and college crucial category is the walter work hypertext latter's exteriority. Stress on this intonational dimension allows the encounter of the two consciousnesses to be spoken about in writing about guide and college students, phenomenological rather than linguistic terms and therefore allows Bakhtin to counter what he calls theoreticism, the tendency to consider the inner meaning of an action and its historical specificity in isolation from each other. This might include Hegel's tendency to view the particular incident as meaningful only as an background instance of the essays about a brief and college students unfolding of reason, Husserl's sublation of inter-subjective relations in anesthesiology thesis, transcendental subjectivity or the writing literature a brief positivistic assumption that categorisation of a phenomenon is sufficient to explain that phenomenon. The distinctively Bakhtinian approach to language only really begins to science background paper outline emerge in Voloshinov's 1926 essay Slovo v zhizni i slovo v poezii: k voprosam sotsiologicheskoi poetiki (Discourse in Life and Discourse in Poetry: Questions of Sociological Poetics), written during his postgraduate studies at essays about literature a brief guide for university the Institute of Material, Artistic and Verbal Culture in Leningrad where L.P. Iakubinskii, the pioneer of the contract law assignment study of dialogic speech, was among his advisers.

This work, which has been seen as the earliest example of pragmatics by more than one commentator, is the about literature guide for university first work of the circle to science background be presented as an explicitly Marxist text. The author attempts to define the aesthetic as a specific form of social interaction characterised by its completion by the creation of the artistic work and by its continual recreations in cocreative perception and writing essays for university students it does not require any other objectifications. In the artistic work unspoken social evaluations are condensed and determine artistic form. The deeper structural features of a particular social interaction are made manifest in a successful artistic work; as Voloshinov puts it, form should be a convincing evaluation of the content ( Bakhtin School Papers ed. Shukman, Colchester 1983 p.9, 19, 20). The early Bakhtinian phenomenology is background research, now recast in essays about literature a brief for university, terms of discursive interaction, with a specifically sociological frame of reference. Another of Voloshinov's projects was a critical response to incipient psychoanalysis and law assignment contemporary attempts to attempt a fusion of Marxism and Freudianism.

In 1927 he published his first book called Freidizm: Kriticheskii ocherk (Freudianism a Critical Sketch), which continued the theme of an earlier article from 1925 Po tu storonu sotsial?nogo (Just Beyond the Social) in which Freud was accused of a biological reductionism and subjectivism quite alien to the spirit of Marxism. Leaning upon a sociological analysis of language and culture, Voloshinov stresses that intersubjectivity precedes subjectivity as such and that all meaning production and thus repression of meanings are socio-ideological rather than individual and biological as Freud supposed. It must be noted, however, that Voloshinov does not pay any attention to Freud's later work on cultural phenomena and thus presents a rather one-sided view of contemporary psychology. Furthermore, Freudianism is treated as a manifestation of bourgeois decay very much in the spirit of the later Lukacs. This indicates a turning towards a more Hegelian approach to questions of cultural and philosophical development, while the recasting of the Freudian superego in writing essays about literature a brief guide students, terms of the repression of unofficial ideologies by an official ideology anticipates one of the central themes that would occupy Bakhtin in the 1930s and 1940s. 3. The Concluding Works of the aqa maths tasks Bakhtin Circle: 1928-1929. In the late 1920s the sociological and linguistic turn signalled by Voloshinov's article on discourse had begun to form into a distinct school of thought in which language was the index of social relations and embodiment of ideological worldview.

While Voloshinov's linguistic studies were undoubtedly crucial to writing essays about literature a brief guide and college this reorientation, one of the central influences on the group at the time was the work of Ernst Cassirer, whose ground-breaking Philosophy of Symbolic Forms (3 Vols) was published between 1923 and 1929. One of Voloshinov's unfinished projects, which he began while at University, was a translation of the first volume of Cassirer's work on language. This volume marked the culmination of essays security and taxation Cassirer's move away from Marburg Neo-Kantianism to a Hegelian rectification of Kant. Adopting Hegel's dialectical orientation, evolutionary approach to essays for university human knowledge and existence and concentration of the totality of human activities, Cassirer sought to overcome the exclusivity of the Kantian focus on thesis mankind's rational thought processes. Writing Essays Guide For University And College. At the same time, however, Cassirer strove to resist the Hegelian subsumption of all realms of the human spirit into coursework tasks the Absolute by retaining the Kantian distinction between the languages of the human spirit. To this end Cassirer drew upon Herder and von Humboldt's identification of thought and signification, viewing the symbolic function as the essays about and college students common element to all areas of knowledge, but which took a specific form in each of them. The truth, agreed Cassirer and Hegel, is whole, but the former understood this to mean that each of the perspectives offered by various symbolic forms is equally valid and must be progressively unfolded so as to fully articulate itself. This formulation, as we shall see, had a far reaching effect on the later work of fair background research paper outline Bakhtin, but there are signs of its influence almost immediately in writing literature guide for university and college students, the work of the group. In 1928 P.N. Medvedev published a book-length critique of Russian Formalism.

This work begins with a definition of anesthesiology literary scholarship as one branch of the study of ideologies, a study which embraces all areas of man's ideological creativity. Essays Guide And College Students. Medvedev goes on to argue that while Marxism has established the basis of such a study, including its relationship to economic factors, the study of the distinctive features and qualitative individuality of each of the branches of ideological creation -- science, art, ethics, religion, and so forth. Walter Of Art Essay. -- is still in the embryonic stage (p.3). Despite the replacement of symbolic forms with branches of ideological creation the continuity of approach is clear. Where Cassirer sought to examine the symbolic function as a factor which recurs in writing and college students, each basic cultural form but in no two takes exactly the background research paper same shape (vol. 1, p.84), Medvedev sought to investigate the sociological laws of about a brief guide for university and college development which can be found in russian, each branch of ideological creation but which manifests itself in specific ways. This sociological adaption of Cassirer's work was to feature largely in Bakhtin's work from the 1930s and 1940s, where, as Poole has demonstrated, many unattributed passages from the former's work appear in Russian translation within the body of the writing about guide and college latter's work. Medvedev felt that the Formalists were correct in attempting to define the thesis specific features of literary creation but fundamentally mistaken in the positivistic approach they took towards literary devices which tended to efface the ideological, meaning-bearing and thus sociological aspect of literary form. Literature. In conclusion Medvedev recommended that the formalists be treated respectfully and seriously, even if their fundamental premises were erroneous. Marxist criticism, he argued, should value Formalism as an thesis object of serious criticism through which the bases of the former can be clarified. While subjecting the Russian Formalists to intense criticism on the basis of their partisan alliance with the Futurist movement and their sharing its tendency towards a nihilistic destruction of meaning, Medvedev particularly praised Western formalist art scholarship such as the work of Hildebrand, Wolfflin and Worringer. These theorists were important for the development of the Bakhtin circle because they treated changes of artistic forms and styles as changes of artistic volition, that is, having ideological significance.

Worringer saw art history to be marked by an alternation of essays about literature a brief for university naturalism (empathy) and abstraction (estrangement) which correlated to the harmony or otherwise in the relationship of peasantry man and his environment. While formal and evaluative aspects are not identical, they do tend to maintain a close affiliation and this, Medvedev concluded, can be applied to literary form as well as visual art. This particular chapter, along with some shorter extracts of the book were omitted from the second edition of the book published with the writing essays guide and college students title Formalizm I formalisty (Formalism and tasks the Formalists) in 1934. By this time a tolerant attitude towards the Formalists or Western scholarship was not permitted, and thus an additional and extremely hostile chapter called The Collapse of Formalism was included. Earlier writers on the Bakhtin Circle tended to ascribe the writing about literature guide and college first edition to Bakhtin and russian peasantry dbq thesis the second to Medvedev, but it is clear that the body of the second edition is an writing literature guide expurgated version of the first. Medvedev's formulation was carried over into research Bakhtin's now famous study Problemy tvorchestva Dostoevskogo (Problems of Dostoyevsky's Work) published in 1929. Here the great nineteenth-century novelist's own verbally affirmed and often reactionary ideology is downplayed in favour of his form-shaping ideology which is seen to be imbued with a profoundly democratic spirit.

Bakhtin attacks those critics, such as Engelgardt, who characterised Dostoyevsky's creative method as Hegelian. In such a scheme two positions struggle for ascendancy but are transformed into a synthesis at the end; however, according to Bakhtin, there is no merging of voices into essays and college students a final, authoritative voice as in the Hegelian absolute. Dostoyevsky does not present an abstract dialectic but an unmerged dialogue of voices, each given equal rights. Bakhtin follows the walter work of art essay nineteenth-century German novelist and critic Otto Ludwig in terming this type of dialogue polyphonic dialogue, which allows Cassirer's insistence on a plurality of literature a brief for university students cultural forms to be extended to a plurality of discourses in society and the novel. In the course of Dostoyevsky's novels, argues Bakhtin, very much in the spirit of Cassirer, the worldviews of Dostoyevsky's heroes unfold, presenting their own unique perspective upon essays on social and taxation, the world.

The novelist does not, as is the case with Tolstoi, submerge all positions beneath a single authoritative perspective, but allows the voice of the narrator to reside beside the voices of the essays about a brief guide for university and college students characters, bestowing no greater authority on that voice than on any of the others. Voices intersect and interact, mutually illuminating their ideological structures, potentialities, biases and limitations. Bakhtin's early phenomenology is now translated into discursive terms. Where Bakhtin was initially concerned with intersubjective relations and the modality of authorial and heroic interaction, this is now examined in terms of the way in which one language encounters another, reporting and modifying the utterance by reaccentuating it. Modes of interaction range from stylisation to explicit parody, which Bakhtin spends a considerable proportion of the book cataloguing. As only the later edition of the book (1963) has been published in law assignment, English, there is writing about literature and college students, a tendency to anesthesiology thesis confuse the chronology of the emergence of Bakhtin's key concepts. It should be noted that there is no reflection on carnival or on the Menippean Satire in the first edition of the Dostoyevsky study.

These features only emerged in the next decade in relation to literature a brief guide and college the history of the novel as a genre. The first edition of the aqa maths coursework tasks Dostoyevsky study is a monograph on the work of the famous novelist in terms which in many respects embody the poetics of writing essays literature a brief for university a significant portion of contemporary fellow-traveller writing. When considered in its historical context, the Dostoyevsky study can be seen as a sort of rearguard defence of liberality in the cultural arena against the encroachment of aqa maths political control. The book was published on the eve of the writing about literature a brief for university students destructive RAPP dictatorship, when bellicose advocates of proletarian culture were granted free reign by the newly victorious Stalinist leadership of the Soviet Communist Party. Formal experimentation and an inadequately tendentious narrative position was branded as reactionary, while Bakhtin's work defended the presentation of a plurality of perspectives free from monologic closure. The formal characteristics of a work were themselves of russian peasantry ideological significance, but the reactionary tendency was in writing about literature guide, the imposition of a unitary perspective on a varied community of opinion. The semiotic dimension of the new orientation of the Bakhtin Circle was developed at the same time by Voloshinov. In a series of articles between 1928 and 1930 punctuated by the appearance of the book-length Marksizm i filosofiia iazyka (Marxism and the Philosophy of Language) in 1929 (2nd edition 1930) Voloshinov published an analysis of the relationship between language and benjamin hypertext essay ideology unsurpassed for several decades. Voloshinov examines two contemporary accounts of language, what he calls abstract objectivism, whose leading exponent is Saussure, and individualistic subjectivism, developed from the work of Wilhelm von Humboldt by the romantic idealists Benedetto Croce (1866-1952) and writing essays guide for university and college Karl Vossler (1872-1942). On Social. Voloshinov argues that the two trends derive from rationalism and romanticism respectively and essays about literature a brief guide students share both the strengths and weaknesses of those movements.

While the former identifies the systematic and social character of peasantry language it mistakes the system of self-identical forms for the source of language usage in society; it abstracts language from the writing essays about a brief guide concrete historical context of its utilisation (Bakhtin's theoreticism); the part is examined at the expense of the whole; the individual linguistic element is treated as a thing at the expense of the dynamics of speech; a unity of word meaning is benjamin hypertext, assumed to the neglect of the multiplicity of meaning and and college accent and language is treated as a ready-made system whose developments are aberrations. The latter trend is correct in viewing language as a continuous generative process and asserting that this process is meaningful, but fundamentally wrong in identifying the laws of that creation with those of individual psychology, viewing the generative process as analogous with art and treating the system of signs as an inert crust of the creative process. These partial insights, Voloshinov argues that a stable system of linguistic signs is essays on social security and taxation, merely a scientific abstraction; the generative process of language is implemented in the social-verbal interaction of speakers; the writing about literature a brief and college students laws of language generation are sociological laws; although linguistic and artistic creativity do not coincide, this creativity must be understood in relation to the ideological meanings and values that fill language and that the structure of each concrete utterance is contract, a sociological structure. Several commentators have noted how Voloshinov's approach to language anticipates many of the writing essays about a brief guide for university and college criticisms of linguistic philosophy levelled by present day Poststructuralists, but does so without invoking the relativism of much of the latter or the nullity of Derrida's hors texte . Voloshinov firmly establishes the dbq thesis sign-bound nature of consciousness and the shifting nature of the language system, but instead of viewing the subject as fragmented by the reality of difference, he poses each utterance to about a brief students be a microcosm of social conflict. This allows sociological structure and the plurality of discourse to be correlated according to a unitary historical development. In this sense Voloshinov's critique bears a strong resemblance to the Italian Communist leader Antonio Gramsci's account of hegemony in his Prison Notebooks . Like Voloshinov and Bakhtin, Gramsci drew upon the work of Croce and Vossler and Matteo Bartoli's Saussurean spatial linguistics, and combined it with a Hegelian reading of Marxism.

As we have seen, however, Voloshinov was heavily influenced by the work of Cassirer, whose admiration for the work of von Humboldt, the founder of generative linguistics, was substantial. Voloshinov's critique thus tended towards the romantic pole of anesthesiology language study rather than taking up the equidistant position he claimed in his study. This can be seen in writing literature a brief, the tendency to see social groups as collective subjects rather than institutionally defined collectives and contract law assignment such assertions as those which suggest the meaning of a word is totally determined by its context. What Voloshinov effectively does is to supplement Humboldt's recognition of individual and national linguistic variability with a sociological dimension. Humboldt's inner-form of language is recast as the relationality of discourse, dialogism . Abandoning the Marxist distinction between base and superstructure, Voloshinov follows Cassirer and Hegel in seeing the variety of linguistic forms as expressions of a single essence. It is literature a brief for university students, significant that Gramsci, who adopted a consistently pragmatist epistemology followed the same course and emerged with startlingly similar formulations. This suggests that the relations between the work of the science background research Bakhtin school and Marxism are ones which are complex and worthy of close scrutiny. Those who have tried to set up a Chinese wall between the two tendencies or who have tried to identify them, have consistently failed to do justice to writing essays about a brief and college this philosophical dialogue. Walter Benjamin Hypertext Essay. Some have even gone so far as to see the work of the group as fundamentally anti-Hegelian, a charge which collapses as soon as one traces the use of terminology in the works from the late 1920s. 4. Bakhtin and the Theory of the Novel: 1933-1941. The shift in Bakhtin's thought from Kant towards Hegel is nowhere clearer than in essays literature for university students, his central works on the novel.

This can be seen in the new centrality Bakhtin grants to the history of literature to which Kant had been largely indifferent. As if to stress his indebtedness to essays German idealism, Bakhtin adopts all of the characteristics of the novel as a genre catalogued by Goethe, Schlegel and Hegel with little modification and traces how the essence of the genre appears over a course of time. The development of the novel is described in a way distinctly reminiscent of Cassirer's symbolic forms which unfold to present their unique view of the world which is itself a modified version of Hegel's characterisation of the Phenomenology of writing essays about literature guide for university Spirit as the representation of appearing knowledge. At the same time, however, the novel adopts many of the features of the role of Hegel's philosophy in its Cassireran guise as the anesthesiology philosophy of culture. Such a philosophy, argued Cassirer, does not attempt to go behind the essays a brief various image worlds created by the human spirit but to understand and elucidate their basic formative principle ( The Philosophy of essays on social security Symbolic Forms vol. 1, Language p.113).

The novel, according to writing about literature guide for university and college students the scheme developed by Bakhtin, elucidates this principle with regard both to other literary genres and socio-ideological discourses. The old idealist formulation of the on social novel's imperative that it be a full and comprehensive reflection of its era is writing essays about a brief guide for university and college students, reformulated as the novel must represent all the ideological voices of its era. On Social Security. all the era's languages that have any claim to being significant (411). The novel is essays about and college, a symbolic form, but a specific one in which the basic formative principle of symbolic forms becomes visible. The socially stratified national language, heteroglossia in law assignment, itself, becomes heteroglossia for-itself rather as thought perceives itself as its own object at the climax of Hegel's Phenomenology . The novel, for Bakhtin, uncovers the formative principle of discourse, its relationality, dialogism, without presenting some final absolute language of truth such as that which constitutes Hegelian conceptualism. The novel develops into something akin to a visio intellectualis of the sort Cassirer found in the work of Nicholas Cusanus.

This is a whole which includes all various viewpoints in its accidentiality and necessity, the thing seen and the manner and direction of the essays literature a brief students seeing (Cassirer The Individual and the Cosmos in Renaissance Philosophy 1963, p.32). No individual perspective is adequate to the whole in aqa maths, itself, for about a brief and college only the essay concrete totality of perspectives can present the whole: Languages of heteroglossia, like mirrors that face each other, each of which in its own way reflects a little piece, a tiny corner of the guide for university and college world, force us to guess at and grasp behind their inter-reflecting aspects for a world that is broader, more multi-levelled and multi-horizoned than would be available to one language, one mirror. (Bakhtin Voprosy literatury i estetiki pp.225-26) While this aspect of Bakhtin's theory of the novel is contract, most likely based on the philosophy of Cassirer, who developed his work as a defence of liberal values in the context of an increasingly chauvinistic atmosphere in Weimar Germany, a different political slant becomes markedly more apparent in a brief guide students, Bakhtin's work of the 1930s. The novelist now becomes the heir of an anti-authoritarian popular cultural strategy to law assignment deflate the writing essays guide and college pretensions of the official language and ideology and institute a popular-collective learning process. The antecedent of aqa maths this strategy is not German bourgeois liberalism but Russian populism ( narodnichestvo ). Thus the dialectic of mythical and critical symbolic forms which Cassirer outlined in his philosophy now becomes fused with a dialectic of official and popular socio-cultural forces. On one side stand the a brief guide for university and college forces of cultural centralisation and stabilisation: the official strata, unitary language, the literary canon and so on. On the anesthesiology other side stands the decentralising influence of popular culture: popular festivity and collective ridicule, literary parody, and writing for university and college the anti-canonic novel. Law Assignment. The rise of the novel is correlated with the collapse of antique unity and the breaking down of cultural boundaries.

Where the official culture developed a canon of poetic genres which posited a rarified language in opposition to the common spoken language, presented a monolithically serious worldview and essays literature and college students epic accounts of a golden age and heroic beginnings, the novel parodies these features, ridiculing the official culture's claims to universal validity and essays on social and taxation the ossified conventionality of canonic forms and language. The novel is thus a literary expression of a whole socio-cultural process, but this process is rather too broad to be incorporated under the label Bakhtin gives to it without considerable problems with regard to conceptual accuracy. The adjective poetic becomes shorthand for the whole complex of institutional and cultural forms which can be included on the side of officialdom. Thus poetic denotes both a type of discourse used in artistic texts and a hierarchical relation between discourses which constitutes the hegemonic relationships of an unequal society. Correspondingly, novelistic describes both the character of writing essays about literature students a genre, multi-accented artistic discourse, and background research outline an anti-authoritarian relationship between discourses. Another pair of terms which is often used interchangeably with these two is monologic and dialogic . Essays Guide And College Students. The former denotes a mono-accentual type of discourse and contract law assignment an authoritarian stance towards another discourse. Writing Essays About Literature For University Students. The latter describes a multi-accentual discourse, the coursework relationality of discourse, and an orientation on a monologic discourse which seeks to essays about literature a brief guide reveal the ideological structure lurking behind surface appearances. The ground between formal and law assignment political terms shifts before the reader, who is constantly reminded of the institutional co-ordinates for all discursive phenomena but is never presented with a sociological account of those co-ordinates. This might be explained both by literature a brief guide and college the ideological restrictions placed on any writer in Stalin's Russia and by essays and taxation the idealist frame of Bakhtin's own theory.

This ambiguity has allowed very different interpretations of writing essays about literature for university and college students Bakhtin's work to be drawn, ranging from a tendency to reduce the whole argument to one of artistic forms, leading to a liberalistic formal criticism and attempts to anesthesiology correlate Bakhtin's argument with the institutional forms of modern capitalist society. Essays About Guide For University Students. Bakhtin's work has thus become a battleground between (mainly American) liberal academics and (mainly British) anti-Stalinist Marxists. In its classical phase, Russian populism was, according to Walicki, opposed to essays on social security and taxation the abstract intellectualism of those revolutionaries who tried to teach the peasants, to writing about for university impose on them the ideals of Western socialism, instead of learning what were their real needs and acting in russian peasantry dbq thesis, the name of such interests and ideals of which the peasants had already become aware. Yet it also suggested an opposition to those Second International Marxists who argued that capitalism was an unavoidable stage in the development of Russia ( The Controversy Over Capitalism 1989 p.3). In one sense, then, it was a political ideology compatible with Third International Marxism, but in another it sought to reverse the hegemony of intellectuals over the people. Bakhtin's poet is a hegemonic intellectual whose language relates in an authoritative fashion to the discourse of the masses, while the novelist aims to break and about a brief guide indeed reverse that hegemonic relationship. In Bakhtin's formulation, the locus of critical forces of culture is the people , while the mythological forces of culture emerge from the official stratum. Many of the central works on science paper outline the novel were at least partially written in response to the theory of the writing about and college students novel developed by Georg Lukacs. Bakhtin had begun to essays on social security translate Lukacs' Theory of the Novel in essays guide for university and college, the 1920s but abandoned the essays on social security and taxation project upon learning that Lukacs no longer liked the book but in essays about for university students, the 1930s, when Lukacs accommodated to the Stalin regime and essentially became a right Hegelian , his theory of the contract law assignment novel became canonical. Bakhtin agreed with Lukacs that the novel represented the essence of the age and that irony constituted a central factor of the novelistic method, but rejected the latter's assertion that unless the novel revealed the thread of writing a brief rationality running through a seemingly anarchic world, that is, presented an authoritative perspective, the coursework author had succumbed to bourgeois decadence.

Modernist formal experimentation and the dominance of parody in modernist literature Lukacs found to be a reflection of bourgeois decay, while Bakhtin strove to reveal its popular-democratic roots. The novel should not be seen as a compensation for the restlessness of contemporary society, uncovering the assured road to progress, but the embodiment of the dynamic forces that could shape society in a popular-democratic fashion. Thus where Lukacs championed epic closure, Bakhtin highlighted novelistic openendedness; where Lukacs advocated a strong narrative presence, Bakhtin advocated the maximalisation of multilingual intersection and about literature guide for university and college students the testing of discourse. Bakhtin takes a left Hegelian stance against Lukacs; dialogism becomes analogous to essays and taxation Hegel's Geist , both describing the social whole and writing essays literature guide for university students standing in judgement over those eras in which the dialogic imperative is not realised. 5. Carnival, History And Popular Culture: Rabelais, Goethe And Dostoyevsky As Philosophers. The high point of Bakhtin's populism can be seen in walter work hypertext essay, his now famous 1965 study of Rabelais and the heavily revised second edition of the 1929 Dostoyevsky book (1963).

The former had been composed as Bakhtin's doctoral dissertation which had been written in the late 1930s but was only prepared for publication when he emerged from writing essays a brief guide students, obscurity in the 1960s. Tvorchestvo Fransua Rable i narodnaia kul?tura srednevekov?ia i renessansa (The work of Francois Rabelais and the Popular Culture of the Middle Ages and the Renaissance) is a remarkable work. Bakhtin concentrates on the collapse of the strict hierarchies of the Middle Ages and the beginning of the Renaissance by looking at work of art hypertext the way in which ancient modes of living and working collectively, in accordance with the rhythms of nature, re-emerge in writing literature a brief guide for university and college students, the forms of popular culture opposed to official culture. In Problemy poetiki Dostoevskogo (Problems of thesis Dostoyevsky's Poetics) Bakhtin summarises the essence of the question thus: It could be said (with certain reservations, of course) that a person of the Middle Ages lived, as it were, two lives : one that was the official life, monolithically serious and gloomy, subjugated to a strict hierarchical order, full of terror, dogmatism, reverence and piety; the other was the life of the carnival square , free and unrestricted, full of ambivalent laughter, blasphemy, the profanation of everything sacred, full of debasing and obscenities, familiar contact with everyone and everything. Both these lives were legitimate, but separated by strict temporal boundaries. Writing Guide Students. (p.129-30) The activities of the carnival square: collective ridicule of officialdom, inversion of hierarchy, violations of decorum and proportion, celebration of bodily excess and so on embody, for russian dbq thesis Bakhtin, an implicit popular conception of the world. This conception is not, however, able to become ideologically elaborated until the radical laughter of the square entered into the world of great literature (Rabelais p.96). About A Brief Guide For University And College. The novel of Rabelais is seen as the epitome of anesthesiology this process of breaking down the rigid, hierarchical world of the Middle Ages and the birth of the modern era. Rabelais is much more than a novelist for Bakhtin: his work embodies a whole new philosophy of history, in which the world is viewed in the process of writing essays literature a brief guide for university becoming. The grotesque is the image of this becoming, the boundaries between person and person, person and thing, are erased as the individual merges with the fair paper people and the whole cosmos.

As the writing essays about a brief for university and college individual body is transcended, the biological body is negated and the body of historical, progressing mankind moves to the centre of the system of images. In the carnival focus on on social security and taxation death and about literature students rebirth the individual body dies, but the law assignment body of the people lives and grows, biological life ends but historical life continues. The carnivalesque becomes a set of image-borne strategies for destabilising the official worldview. In a recently published article written for inclusion in the Soviet Literaturnaia entsiklopediia (Literary Encyclopaedia) in 1940, Bakhtin defines the satirical attitude as the image-borne negation of contemporary actuality as inadequacy, which contains within itself a positive moment in which an writing essays about literature for university students improved actuality is affirmed. This affirmed actuality is the historical necessity implicit in contemporary actuality and which is implied by the grotesque image. The grotesque, argues Bakhtin, discloses the potentiality of an on social entirely different world, of another order, another way of life. It leads man out of the confines of the apparent (false) unity, of the indisputable and writing essays a brief guide stable (Rabelais p.48). The grotesque image of the body, as an image which reveals incomplete metamorphosis no longer represents itself, it represents what Hegel called the and taxation universal dialectic of life. The Renaissance birth of the historical world led to a new development in writing essays about guide for university, the Enlightenment. Where Rabelais was presented as the high point of Renaissance literary and philosophical development, the science fair Enlightenment reaches one of its high points in the work of Goethe. The process dispersing the writing essays about a brief guide residue of otherworldly cohesion and mythical unity was completed at this time, helping reality to gather itself together and condense into the visible whole of a new world ( Speech Genres and Other Late Essays p.45).

The Enlightenment, argues Bakhtin in a section which draws heavily on Cassirer (the corresponding passage is The Philosophy of the Enlightenment p.197), should no longer be considered an a-historical era, but an epoch of great awakening of a sense of time, above all . in aqa maths coursework tasks, nature and human life (p.26). A Brief Guide For University. But, argues Bakhtin this process of preparing for thesis the disclosure of historical time took place more rapidly, completely, and profoundly in writing essays about literature and college students, literary creativity than in the abstract philosophical, ideological views of Enlightenment thinkers (p.26). Goethe's imagination was fundamentally chronotopic , he visualised time in space: Time and space merge . into work hypertext essay an inseparable unity . a definite and writing essays a brief guide for university and college absolutely concrete locality serves at benjamin of art hypertext the starting point for about guide for university and college students the creative imagination. this is a piece of human history, historical time condensed into space. Therefore the plot (sum of depicted events) and the characters . are like those creative forces that formulated and humanised this landscape, they made it a speaking vestige of the movement of history (historical time), and, to a certain degree, predetermined its subsequent course as well, or like those creative forces a given locality needs in order to organise and continue the historical process embodied in it. (p.49) Goethe wanted to bring together and unite the present, past and future with the ring of contract law assignment necessity (p.39), to make the present creative. Like Rabelais, Goethe was as much a philosopher as a writer. The same pattern of analysis shapes the 1963 version of the Dostoyevsky study.

Here Dostoyevsky is no longer treated, as in the 1929 version, as a totally original innovator, but as the heir to a tradition rooted in popular culture. Writing Students. The novelist stood poised at thesis the threshold of a new era, as the rigidly hierarchical Russian Empire was poised to writing essays literature a brief and college give way to the catastrophic arrival of capitalist anarchy and ultimately revolution. Dostoyevsky thus intersected with the threshold poetics of carnival at a different stage in its development, he sought to present the voices of his era in a pure simultaneity unrivalled since Dante. In contradistinction to that of Goethe this chronotope was one of visualising relations in terms of space not time and this leads to a philosophical bent that is anesthesiology, distinctly messianic: Only such things as can conceivably be linked at a single point in time are essential and essays about literature a brief guide for university and college students are incorporated into Dostoevskii's world; such things can be carried over into eternity, for in eternity, according to Dostoevskii, all is simultaneous, everything coexists. Thus there is no causality in Dostoevskii's novels, no genesis, no explanations based on the past, on aqa maths coursework the influences of the environment or of upbringing and so forth. Every act a character commits is in the present, and in this sense is not predetermined; it is conceived of and represented by the author as free. (p.29)

The roots of such a conception lie in writing about, carnival and, according to Bakhtin, in the carnivalised philosophical dialogues that constituted the Menippean Satire. This philosophico-literary genre reaches a new stage in Dostoyevsky's work, where the roots of the novel as a genre stands out particularly clearly. One of walter work essay those roots was the a brief guide for university Socratic Dialogue, which was overwhelmed by the monologic Aristotelian treatise, but which continued to lead a subterranean life in the non-canonical minor satirical genres and fair background research paper then became a constitutive element of the novel form and, implicitly, literary modernism. This accounts for its philosophical importance. In his last years Bakhtin returned to the methodological questions that had preoccupied his earlier years, though now with a rather different perspective. This began with his work on speech genres in the 1950s, though apart from this study, did not yield any sustained texts until the 1970s. Bakhtin now began to stress the dialogic character of all study in the human sciences, the fact that one needs to deal with another I who can speak for and about his or herself in a fundamentally different way than with an essays guide students inanimate and essays on social and taxation voiceless object. To this end he sought to differentiate his position from that of incipient Soviet structuralism, which adopted the abstract objectivist approach to language and the constitution of the subject. Bakhtin's approach to subjectivity is dialogic, referring to about literature guide students the exchange of utterances rather than narrowly linguistic, and coursework tasks this extends to the analysis of texts which are always intertextual, meeting and illuminating each other. Just as texts have genres, definite and relatively stable typical forms of construction of the writing essays literature a brief guide for university and college whole so too does speech. Thus the boundaries between complex genres such as those commonly regarded as literary and other less formalised genres should be seen as porous and flexible, allowing a dialogue of genres as well as styles.

The work of the Bakhtin circle is multifaceted and extremely pertinent to contemporary philosophical concerns. Yet their work moves beyond philosophy narrowly defined to encompass anthropology, literary studies, historiography and political theory. The vicissitudes of tasks intellectual life in the Soviet Union have complicated assessment of the work of the circle, as has the way in which the works have been published and translated in recent years. On top of about students this, the works of the group have been read into a theoretical position framed by present-day concerns over poststructuralism and the fate of the subject in modern philosophy. A proper historical assessment of the essays work of the Bakhtin Circle will be much aided by the publication of Bakhtin's Complete Works which will appear over the next few years.

This will hopefully be followed by a harmonised English translation which will facilitate an informed assessment in the English speaking world.

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Analysis of writing essays about literature guide students, `Birches` by Robert Frost. Robert Frost is a prominent American poet whose poetry is marked by deep personal feelings and experience, clear imagery and symbolism. The poem “Birches” symbolically represents the desire of a speaker to return to the past and escape from the troubles by swinging on Birches. Thesis The symbol and theme of aqa maths tasks, “birches swinging” reflects inner psychological state of writing essays literature a brief guide for university students, Robert Frost, his grievances and desperation, as a result of several deaths in his family, which he tries to escape. Robert Frost was born in 1874 in San Francisco. The first death he was faced with was his father#8217;s death in contract, 1885 forced the family to return to their native New England, where they settled in Lawrence, Massachusetts. Essays About A Brief For University. Frost went to Dartmouth College but withdrew in his first term to return to Lawrence and support his family by teaching. Need essay sample on Analysis of `Birches` by Robert Frost ? We will write a custom essay sample specifically for you for only $12.90/page. The poem “Birches” reflects his life struggle and grievances, sorrow and depression followed Frost all his life.

Frost married in 1895 and applied to Harvard as a special student; he was accepted into a three-year program but with­drew after two years. Following the deaths of his son Elliott, his mother and his daughter Elinor, he fell into a deep depression and coursework tasks, seriously contemplated suicide. In 1912 he and his family moved to England, where he found a publisher for his first book of verse, A Boy#8217;s Will (1913). The collection was well received and was soon followed by a second, North of writing about literature a brief guide, Boston (1914). These publications, along with his friendship with poets such as Ezra Pound and Edward Thomas, increased his exposure in liter­ary magazines.

In 1915 he returned to the USA and settled on a farm in New Hampshire. There Frost the poet was nurtured. Like that of many great national poets, his verse relies heavily on the language of the people. Many of his poems take the form of dramatic mono­logues or dialogues, using and transforming the New Englander#8217;s patterns of speech which he heard each day on his farm. Security And Taxation. “Birches swinging” in the poem #8220;Birches#8221; means an escape from life troubles caused by the deaths of about and college, family members. Frost writes: #8220;to get away from the earth awhile#8221; (Frost line 49). “Birches swinging” means regret as a symbol which helps to unveil the realities of security and taxation, life representing a path to the outside world. This escape is symbolic of hopes and dreams. Frost describes emotional sufferings of the speaker. The tree means life experience of a particular person (probably his own life), and it brings message to everyone to writing essays guide for university and college students, think over next step in his life. Climbing a birch implies not only security, but also the whole life of a person, who has a right to choose which path to dbq thesis, go, the speaker is afraid that he will never come back on the earth being lost in his fantasies (Frost line, 59). The theme of desperation is crossed, suitably given the briefest and simplest at­tention; and the swift efficiency of the lines leading to the culmination is sufficiently in evidence — the vitality coming from the literature students sharp concreteness of the words and the alert, quick movement not to need detailed comment here. The last two lines are expressed with such decisive clarity, and by anesthesiology, virtue of their position they derive added emotional force from the preceding anticipations.

They are a true emotional climax; the exclamation mark is not of that kind that tries to essays about a brief guide for university students, inject into words an emotional significance that they don#8217;t really hold. So Frost conveys his feelings, not by telling readers how strong and deep they are, but by contract, the vivid and vigorous presentation of a situation through which the grievance and desperation emerge. Taking into account his facts from his biography it is possible to say that the state of desperation was also caused by “tuberculosis that ran in the Frost family. No wonder Frost had frequent spells of melancholy. A Brief And College Students. But his #8220;will#8221; prevailed” (Hart, 1999). “Birches” reflects inner state of Frost: depression and losing hopes.

Life struggle and life experience are the main themes of this poem. “Frost lost two children to death in science fair research outline, early childhood, another to essays about a brief guide for university students, insanity, another to death after childbirth, and still another (after the death of Frost#8217;s wife, Elinor) to suicide. Like any sensitive man who suffers, Frost sometimes blamed himself for his misfortune” (Davison, 2000). The narrator of “Birches” feels like a madman suffering from melancholy brought upon by the death of the beloved person. His depression is caused of no self-confidence because he is afraid to go out in the real world alone. In spite of the theme of desperation, Frost uses fresh and vivid images. Symbolic “Birches swinging” is a successful image which helps to make readers feel the writer#8217;s grasp of the object and situation he is dealing with, gives his grasp of science paper outline, it with precision, vividness, force, economy; and to make such an impact on us, its content, the stuff of about a brief students, which it is made., can#8217;t be unduly fantastic and remote from his experience. Background. Climbing a birch is a symbol of future, and a person has a choice to a brief guide for university and college, choose his road, although it is a non-trodden path, it means that a person has to pave the way in his life in accordance with life expectations and aims. The speaker finds self-realization and peasantry, self-expression in freedom or “birches swinging”.

Both woks show that we live in darkness limited by essays about for university and college students, our understanding of self and others while something forces us to see the truth of life. Robert Frost himself appeared embarrassed at his own imaginative freedom, prefacing his works with statements which sought to legitimize the seductive appeal of fiction by of art, appealing to some external authority. Due to renewal, the age of Frost was a time of chaos and great change which left people with a sense of disillusionment expressed in his works. That created a demand for a substitute reality, which could only be found in the fictitious world of Frost’s poem. Passion, tragedy, desperation and sorrow are the markers of this the essays about literature guide for university poem.

It means that some despairs and law assignment, troubles are greater than the others, but all of them caused a person to essays literature a brief guide and college, suffer like a birch. Security And Taxation. “Birches swinging” symbolizes losing hopes, as the speaker is not happy about the way his life turned out to be. He says boys should bend these branches using the chance to escape from cruelty of the world by swinging on a birch tree. This metaphor helps us to writing essays about a brief guide for university students, understand that much depends upon our perception of the world and our inner strength even if you “weary of considerations, / And life is too much like a pathless wood#8221; (Frost lines 43-44). On Social And Taxation. In their very different ways they shared a faith in the worth of an individual person#8217;s emotions, the value of his or her reac­tions to experience and the right to express or communicate these feel­ings. Taken literally and acted upon, such advice would have appalling consequences in terms of violence and suffering; it is not to writing essays guide for university and college students, be wondered at that more conservat­ive sectors of society feared the anarchic consequences of russian dbq thesis, unrestrained expressions of feeling.

Following critics it is possible to writing essays literature a brief, say that “below the bluff, rural sage and nature poet… he was a #8216;people poet#8217; – Frost’s passion was cold-edged” (Whittington-Egan, 1999). The fate of the narrator is tragic. He speaks of his original benevolence and of the miserable loneliness of benjamin work of art hypertext, his condition. Frost devoted himself to tell readers about writing essays a brief guide and college students, loneliness, isolation, and russian dbq thesis, frustration. Frost depicts pessimism which characterizes so much of the important writing of the mid-twentieth century was to probe the inner recesses of human behavior to see by what instincts we are governed. The symbolic meaning is part of the writing essays about guide for university whole work of art, and the inter-connection are realized and brought out. In sum, “Birches” vividly portrays that suffering of Frost is undergone in order to essays on social and taxation, expand the human spirit, to delve into writing essays literature for university and college students, matters previously kept hidden, to grow through pain. Frost’s concern is for degrees of personal freedom, and sympathy results when a man, struggling against emotional pressures, is pushed further back, achieving little in his struggle for freedom, and paper, having degrees of free­dom removed from him. The narrator cannot fit into writing essays literature a brief guide for university and college students, the definition of #8216;successful#8217; that society has imposed, so in those terms he is a failure. He does not have an ability to battle against these pressures, and is finally destroyed by his commitment to them. Works Cited Page.

1. Davison, P. (2000), Farness and coursework tasks, Depth: A Rumination on Robert Frost. The Atlantic Monthly, Vol. 283, December, p. 113. 2. Frost, R. (N.d.) Birches. Available at: http://www.web-books.com/Classics/Poetry/Anthology/Frost/Birches.htm. 3. Hart, J. (1999) Frost in writing about literature a brief guide for university and college students, a Clear Lens. National Review, Vol. 51, May 3, p. 52. 4. Whittington-Egan, R. (1999). Aqa Maths Coursework. Robert Frost: A Life. Contemporary Review, Vol.

274, February, p. 105.

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Dennis Miller Rants and Monologues. Maybe he deserves a second chance, I mean who did he really hurt. besides himself? Maybe it's time that we as a nation start staying out. of people's personal problems and writing literature a brief guide and college students, vices. What are we doing spending. billions of dollars trying to keep people's private lives in order? And I'm talking about legal age consenting adults here, not kids, we. obviously have to take special precautions to aqa maths tasks protect kids.

But what is. this Orwellian hang-up of ours of sticking our nose into other. grown-up's affairs? What concern is it of ours if some mindless stoner. wants to spend his his life hooked up to a Turkish skull bong? Now, I'm not pro-drug, they obviously cause a lot of damage, but I am. pro-logic and a brief guide for university, you're never going to stop the essays and taxation human need for release. through altered consciousness. The government can take away all the.

drugs in the world and people will just spin around on their lawn until. they fell down and saw God. enrage the vast cheese dog and beer quaffing nation out there when someone. decides to waste his own life chasing down chemical euphoria and essays literature a brief guide students, I'm not. sure why. Our displeasure with someone hell-bent on dbq thesis self-ruination. through drug use seems really disproportionate to its direct impact on.

us. Writing Literature Guide And College Students! And as a matter of anesthesiology thesis, fact, I believe we amplify that impact when we. attempt to enforce unenforceable laws. It not only costs us billions of. dollars, but it puts us in harms way as addicts are driven to essays literature a brief crime as a. means to an end.

Why do we chase druggies down like villagers after. Karlov? Let them legally have what they already have and defuse the. bomb. You know, I think the hysteria about drugs is science background research, often times baseless. And this comes from me, a man who has never done cocaine in his life, although I did smoke dope upon occasion during my stint as a student at. Oxford in the late 60s.

And you know, the war on drugs is more often than. not fruitless and patently hypocritical, be honest with yourselves now. What drugs are the most dangerous to the most Americans? Its a no. brainer: cigarettes and alcohol.

Those are the statistical champions by. hundreds of thousands of deaths. And wouldn't you rather shoot a game. of pool with a guy smoking a joint than a guy drinking whisky and beer? Someone smoking a joint doesn't all of the sudden rear back and writing essays literature guide and college students, stab his. partner in russian, the eye socket with a cue stick, ok? He's too busy laughing. up and die right in front of you, more power to him, you know?

It's his. call. And you know the herd always has a way of essays about and college, thinning itself out. We aren't stupid people here in America, no more than anyone else in. the world, so why are we obsessing on habits that harm no one but the. habitual, while we let real problems slip ever further out of reach.

We. seem to be willfully turning away from thesis, reality, and from logic might I. add, to punish people, who in essays about literature a brief and college, many instances are doing an extremely fine. job of punishing themselves, thank you. Security And Taxation! And in guide for university, some cases they're not. even punishing themselves, but rather just following age old spawning. instincts that are as woven as deeply into their brain as their need to. watch Home Improvement. behavior? You know according to the law, you can't even get a blow. job in Georgia? No wonder Sherman hustled through there.

And really if. you stop to think about fair background research paper it, who is hurt by the time honored unavoidable. trade of about literature, prostitution? Only the guys who pay extra to be hurt. There. is no sane reason to tasks cling to this archaic legal attempt to curtail an. activity that will be around until the end of essays about a brief for university and college, time. You know, you could. come back to this planet ten thousand years from now and man could have.

evolved to the point where he doesn't even take in nutrition from a. hole in peasantry dbq thesis, head anymore, but I guarantee you that he'll still be cruising. ninth avenue trying to get a knob-shine from somebody named Desiree. folks? One where you will be forced by writing essays about literature and college, the puritanical mentality of. your pin-headed Gladys Kravitz neighbors into a tightly constricted, over-regimented existence? A life safe from the temptations and rewards. of the flesh?

If that's your kink - go for it. But for the rest of. us, let's save the science fair research money we're wasting trying to regulate other people's. private lives. If an individual wants to smoke a joint, or shoot up, or. munch blotter like tic-tacs and a brief guide for university, drop out, let them. All right? Let's. put the russian peasantry dbq thesis billions we're wasting on a drug war, fought by fitness fanatics.

on steroids and three-martini senators rolling in pork, let's put it. back in the educational system. Writing A Brief Guide For University And College! Let's free the courts and jails of. lonely men and broken women who feel the need to buy and sell sex. Let's let hookers and anesthesiology, their johns have a safe building somewhere off the. streets, inspected medically and taxed up the wazoo. Let's go on from. there to tax liquor and cigarettes so that those industries can pay for. safe one-lane drunk-proof highways and air purification systems. Most. importantly, let's stop pretending that people are going to lead the.

lives that we tell them to lead. Let's stop pretending that a few. simple prohibitions on substances and activities will yield up a nation. of Beaver Cleavers: polite, clean, sexless, and ready to serve their. fellow man, no questions asked. People are people. They're going to.

with their lives what they want to writing about guide and college students do, whether you like it or not. There is anesthesiology thesis, nothing you can do about writing for university them that won't break the bank, overcrowd the prisons, or corrode an already oxidized judicial system. People are perennially going to get fucked up and fucked, and russian dbq thesis, we will. continue to get fucked over if we don't concede the fact that there. is absolutely fuck-all we can do about it. You know, normally on my HBO show I come out here week after week and piss on. everything like a drunk yard cat. You know that. That's my job. I've always.

felt I'm paid to find things that are wrong and then do my best to essays about a brief for university throw the. switch on the perimeter floods and light it up. Tonight we're suppose to talk. about what's right with America. Now I know you've got to burrow pretty deep to. unearth any underlying confidence in a nation that's sapped of its vigor, strafed by violence, and pummeled senseless by the debasement of every. institution from the Armed Services to Baseball. That being said, Are we gonna. have some fun tonight?! Yeah, all right.

That was rhetorical. Now I don't want to aqa maths coursework get off on a rant here, but you know, there's a lot right right with. America! Nowadays, you just have to look a little harder for it. Sure, we're. sick of paying for illegal immigrant kids to go to school and we're going to. stop. But only writing essays about literature and college students a country that did it for a while can stop doing it. See? People.

don't ever consider that. Coursework Tasks! And okay, we nearly exterminated the about a brief Native. Americans. Fair Background Paper! Nobody tries to essays literature a brief guide for university students hide that anymore. And Taxation! But we did change our textbooks. so the facts came out.

I mean, who else does that? Only America. And as if. admitting the truth wasn't enough, we don't even tax their casinos. And us - with a 4-trillion-debt! I'm saying not taxing billions in Indian bingo loot is.

magnanimous and should be in about literature guide students, the What's Right with America column! How's. about this - in America we let people in prison read, study law, even work out. so they can get themselves out of jail in much better mental and physical shape. to resume their lives of crime. Russian Peasantry! A lot of countries treat their criminals like. animals, like sub-humans, as if they'd done something wrong!

Not America. Not this great country. I'm not a complete ethno-centrist. Essays Literature A Brief Guide And College! I went over to France. earlier this year for a couple of months, to contract see if I might live there. And. while I enjoyed my time in Paris, I should tell you that the French hate our. guts. Essays Guide For University And College! I cannot believe they actually gave us the Statue of Liberty. They.

must've been throwing it out anyway. Fair Background Paper Outline! Because these people detest us. Writing Essays Literature A Brief Students! They look. at us and we are one, big, collective Jethro bearing down on them, rope belt. and all. And you know something? In all fairness, we might be hicks, but at. least we're hicks who tend to our armpits more frequently than once every time. Comet Kohoutek is in russian, the solar system.

These people avoid showers like a blonde. at the Bates Motel. They had to invent perfume. Writing Literature A Brief Guide Students! It wasn't an augmentation, it. was a defense mechanism. Trust me, when Louis the XIV guillotined you, he was. doing you a big favor separating your olfactory senses from your brainstem. Yeah, Claude, paint the water lilies a little later.

Right now I need you to. pick up that loofa and science fair research outline, storm the pit Bastille, all right? Thank you, Pepe. LePeux. I had a cabdriver over there, smelled like a man eating Gorganzola. cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic tank of a slaughterhouse. I. said, Hey, pal. Writing Essays About A Brief Guide For University Students! There's an extra five in it for ya if you run over a f***ing. skunk.

So, there'd another reason why this country's great. We smell better than most. Another reason we're great is because we create things here,things. of unique beauty, things that unconsciously interweave the American attributes. of ingenuity, optimism, gluttony, and narrow-mindedness. Things like: All You.

Can Eat Restaurants . The Clapper . Street-legal, semiautomatic grenade. weapons that even the Tontons Macoute didn't have . The Temporary Insanity. Plea . Cutting-edge CD-ROM technology used for benjamin work essay, porno . deep-fried cheese. . Writing Essays About Literature For University! bans on toy guns . rain ponchos for dogs . Orange Julius . Orange. County . beer can hats . plea bargaining . Work Essay! being able to plug your. parents with bullets and getting acquitted . indeed we're even free over writing essays about a brief guide and college students, here. to subscribe to 500 channels of cable only to find out that that piece of russian dbq thesis, shit,

William Katt's superhero show, is on for university and college 498 of them . You know . As a matter. of fact, you want to know what's right with America more than anything? Our. right to walter of art hypertext speak out about everything that's wrong with it. And we're all free to. vent at will-at least for the next couple of days till Gingrich takes over and.

straps the rat cage on our collective face. You know . this really is essays literature a brief and college, a great. country. Remind yourself of it once in essays on social security, a while. Take the family on Route 66, shop at the Galleria, buy a gun, have your breasts enlarged, have your penis. lengthened, sue your neighbor, eat three Big Macs, drive 120 and essays literature a brief for university and college, pay the.

ticket, visit the White House - or better yet, jump the fence and fair background paper outline, go meet the. Prez in essays about a brief guide, person. He likes that. He really really likes that. It's America, Of course, that's just my opinion. Anesthesiology Thesis! I could be wrong.

All right, lets put our cards on the table. Essays About Literature A Brief Guide! We got a dicey little subject this. week: Sexual Harrassment. Peasantry Dbq Thesis! Now, its pretty easy for me to come out here week. after week to do some high concept screed about how, for instance, I think. violence is bad. oh, well, thank you Dr. Insight ! But this week were. crotch-deep in a good old-fashioned quandary, arent we? The age old battle of. the sexes situated in the Circus Maximus of the writing essays literature a brief and college workplace.

Look, I should tell. you right up front that while I'm sure many of you think of me as the russian peasantry world's. most insightful hermaphrodite, I am in fact a guy. Writing For University! So I . so I have to russian dbq thesis confess. that my first thoughts on this issue were well, it can't be all that bad, can. it?

Certainly a lot of about a brief guide for university, these cases have to coursework be trumped up, dont they? But then I. flashed on the fact that much of what goes through my head is shot through the. You know, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but what do I. really know about what it's like to have some fat, foul-breathed, ham-handed. boss leaning over your shoulder while you type or laying his hands on your. waist while you fax something? I have no idea about writing essays students how it feels to have some. leering, pawing, needy co-worker breathing down your cleavage while you try to. keep the best job available in a small town without much opportunity so that. you can put your kids in science background paper outline, clothes without the help of a deadbeat ex-husband; that has got to be brutal . So all I can say, is to be really honest with you. and myself about literature a brief guide for university what I have observed in background paper outline, my forty years of writing a brief guide and college, dragging a penis.

around this pebble we call Earth (laughs). And that is this; I think men more. often than not are probably guilty of fair research paper outline, a lot of the shit that they are being. accused of. From my observations, a lot of essays about literature guide, guys act so badly and so stupidly. with women in coursework tasks, nightclubs and at essays literature a brief guide for university and college students, the beach and on the street, I know that if. they got some occupational leverage they would probably use it as a come-on. Why are men like that? Well, because over the years men have written the rule. book. Essays! not all men, sit down, Donahue . But many men have written the rule book. that says its OK to look the other way when certain members of the male herd.

squeeze, pinch, and writing literature guide students, demean women. Well now the rules are finally being. rewritten and aqa maths coursework tasks, as men and women go through this period of readjustment the bad. behavior is coming back to haunt us, isn't it? Because nowadays were hearing. more and more stories of men being accused of sexual harassment and. instantaneously presumed guilty until proven innocent.

But just because MANY. men are guilty it is essays about a brief guide students, dangerous to jump to the conclusion that ALL men are. guilty. All right, now that we understand our game, lets introduce tonights. dualists; Jones vs. Clinton in security and taxation, the Board of Education building . Do I think.

something happened between them? I most certainly do; he's a powerful man who. also happens to be a tenth degree horndog (laughs and applause) and you know. something I think most of writing essays about a brief guide students, you will agree once you get beyond all this faux. patriotic rebob about besmirching the Presidency with tawdry accusations, the. fact is Bill Clinton probably achieved emeritus status in the Players club. while governor of the state of Arkansas . There is too much rumor, too much.

innuendo, and just enough evidence; bottom line, folks, where there's smoke, You know, Stephanopoulos must be feeling like the guy that. Louis B. Paper Outline! Mayer assigned to accompany Erryl Flynn around town. Georgie-boy has. become a sexual Red Adere and it appears our good president was sinking a. whole lot of wells in essays for university, the mid-80s . Having said that, do I think he sexually. harassed Paula Jones? Hard to say and here's why: she did in russian, fact receive.

several salary increases after the incident. Whatever cheesy chicanery went. down in that hotel room it doesn't seem to have affected her wage-earning. ability. I also think that it undermines her case a tad that it seems to be so. much about the writing about guide and college students MONEY. Russian! Seven hundred thousand dollars? How'd they arrive at that. figure, what's that, a hundred K per writing essays a brief guide for university students inch ? You know something, theres a fair. to midland chance that old P.J. is a big-haired opportunist propped up by.

small-minded politically thwarted enemies of the President. Now having said. that the essays and taxation sexual harassment charge might be suspicious; do I think that Paula. Jones might have been compromised by the clumsy, sophomoric sexual advances of. a presumptuous Huey not-so-Long type lording his power over essays about literature for university students, a backwoods empire: Do I think that Paula Jones could have been embarrassed by the. highest elected official in her state doing a Lurch impression with his Dockers. down around his ankles : yes I do. But I would say this to Paula Jones; the.

next time a man drops his chinos in dbq thesis, front of you, look him in the eye and essays about literature a brief guide for university students, say. Listen, you silly son of russian dbq thesis, a bitch, pull your pants up and start thinking with. your big head for a change, OK pal? Look, nobody wants to make light of the. serious crime against women that men commit far too often; but isnt that what. frivolous complaints like Paula Jones are doing? We've gotta get clear with. each other on how our respective gender tribes wield sexuality in this culture.

Because some of writing for university and college, this stuff should be a no-groiner. Here are some guidelines: to essays security the women who are ready to haul the bagboy at the. Safeway into essays guide, court because he complimented you on your culottes , take the extra second and try to. differentiate the innocuous from the malicious. And all the men who don't get. the fact that when she says no she means no, well I'm telling you. Quest-for-Fire-boy, she means NO , OK? Its over.

Pack up your encyclopedias and. go knock on the next fucking door . Let me also advance the following immodest. proposal so we can all get on with our goddamn lives: I think we should pour. all our time, energy, and know-how into genetically engineering a third sex. that we can both fuck indiscriminately and anesthesiology, never feel the need to phone the. next morning. Literature A Brief For University And College! We could call them. recepticants!

And they would heal the world. And while this solution may seem silly, its no sillier than what were doing. now; which is a tentative sexual two-step in which neither partner wants to. lead, neither partner wants to follow, and everybody's feet are getting stepped. Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. The Russian Prime Minister has declared Space Station Mir too old and dbq thesis, decrepit. to be useful anymore. Literature Guide And College Students! Naturally, the space station will now begin confirmation.

hearings to serve on George W. Russian Peasantry Dbq Thesis! Bush's cabinet sometime next week. Battle of Hastings to serve as Secretary of defense. Rumsfeld keeps pushing for. that Star Wars Catapult Defense System, because he's afraid the North Koreans. might have the crossbow. transfer Bush's belongings to about a brief guide Washington. The move itself took very little time. once workers discovered that Bush had nothing upstairs.

Bush coming into office, I feel like the anesthesiology thesis owner of a hardware store before a. hurricane. I hate to see it coming but I have to admit it's good for business. years. Essays Literature A Brief For University And College Students! I see George W. Bush working hard to keep the ambitions of big business. and the military in check, and ensure that even the fair research paper lowest job pays a dignified. wage. I believe he'll erase the essays about literature a brief for university animus that has divided Washington, and bring. both sides of the essays on social security aisle together. I also happen to literature a brief guide for university and college students believe dogs can talk if you. touch them in the right spot, and everyone watching me is happy with their. intellectual capacity.

I mean, at least Clinton had his dick to science fair background paper think with. I'd have a convoy of six Rug Doctor trucks come chugging through the main. entrance of the White House, park right in front of the TV cameras, and start. dragging their steam-cleaning hoses through the Oval Office door. Well, come. on. It's got to be like buying Bob Guccione's mattress at a yard sale. people who are so experienced that they aren't gonna let him eat at the. grown-up table for a long time. curtain at writing literature a brief guide and college students, the clever bald man pulling all the levers: Vice President Dick.

It's Probably Just Gas Cheney. Essays Security! Now, Cheney's heartbeat skips more than. Richard Simmons on his way to a Ricky Martin concert. You know, the job of essays about guide for university and college, V.P. doesn't give you that much to do, so it would be a shame if the very first.

state funeral he attended was his own. Peasantry! But Cheney is also smart, crafty and. persuasive, so give George credit for putting him on the team. Most. presidential candidates try to pick a running mate who won't outshine them, but. who would that be for Bush? Maybe Wilson the writing essays literature a brief guide for university volleyball from the movie Cast. know the woman had a Guatemalan slave? Chavez got out quickly. I guess she felt. that if people had a hard time with the science illegal alien maid, they might respond.

even more negatively to the 30 Haitians assembling Salad Shooters in her. shoes, but then again neither could Shaquille ONeill. But what I don't. understand is how Ashcroft can be so pro-Death Penalty when he lost his last. election bid to Mel Carnahan, a dead guy. What's really scary is that most. people thought Carnahan won the debates, too.

W.'s foreign policy tutor. Oh, yeah, I love the sound of that. It's nice to. know we're signing our nuclear arsenal over to a man who needs after-school. help. Don't you think the fact that he needs a tutor ought to be raising more. eyebrows than Eminem teaching kindergarten on the planet Vulcan? priorities include overhauling social security and Medicare as well as fixing. his stupid name.

Hey, what kinda guy makes it past forty with a y on the end. of his first name? Hey, Tommy Thompson, nice to meet you, you loser fuck, I'm. Nice to see that Bush picked a minority. Writing Essays A Brief For University And College Students! After all, a minority picked him. got the anesthesiology thesis job on Monday Night Football. Hey, what in the hell happened here?

I. only applied for the job because I never thought they would actually give it to. me. So my advice, George, is take your lumps and jump in writing essays about literature a brief and college students, there. Anesthesiology! For me it was. the best thing I ever did, next to this show on HBO of a brief and college students, course. Contract Law Assignment! Man, it's hard. kissing two asses at once. Bush presidency. Will it be regarded as an aberration in the electoral process? A surprisingly capable underdog effort? Maybe just a placeholder in the strange.

but easy-to-remember Presidential sequence Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton. Whatever is to be, there's one thing we know: It's time for Daddy's little boy. to grow up. George W. Bush's seemingly endless supply of free passes is now. officially drier than any of the oilwells he once managed. Well, I, for one, wish him the best. Now, I don't pretend to writing essays for university students know anything about the Machiavellian intricacies of. politics, the one - hand - washes - the coursework - other - that - scratches - the - back - that - spanks - the - monkey - that - gives - the - reacharound - to. whomever. All I know is, with the writing about literature a brief guide for university students Nasdaq numbers acting like they're in tasks, a fight. scene from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and the once-madly-thriving economy.

now teetering like Forrest Whitaker in essays literature a brief guide and college students, a pair of Jimmy Choo stilettos, if I. were Dubya, the first thing I'd do when I set foot in the White House, before I. unpacked the walter work video golf game, before I started crank-calling my old frat. brothers, before I snuck up behind Dick Cheney and for university, popped an aqa maths tasks, inflated paper. bag, the first thing I'd do is get my ass on the phone and writing essays a brief guide for university and college students, send Alan Greenspan. a four-year supply of russian, Omaha fucking steaks. Well, tomorrow George W. Bush moves into the Oval Office and Bill and Hillary. tell the White House staff, See you in about a brief for university, four years. Walter Benjamin Work Of Art Essay! But what about Al? Now I don't want to about literature guide for university get off on thesis a rant here, but Al Gore is about to leave not. only the White House but the flimsy IKEA lean-to that is the American. consciousness.

He's about to sling his wobbly, too-tight high heels over his. shoulder and take the morning-after Walk of Shame out writing a brief and college students of the beer-and. sweat-stained frat house of Washington, D.C. Research Outline! Domo arigato, Mr. Writing About Literature Guide And College! Roboto. beliefs? So, Al, if you're watching out and taxation there, stick around, cause this'll all. Work the shaft. Oh, I'm sorry, that's the number two rule.

The number one rule. is: people hate flop sweat. It doesn't matter what color shirt your handlers. tell you to wear, Al. If the pits are darker than Ann Rice's dream journal, you're in trouble. You'd think the guy who won the popular vote would be well, more popular. Writing Essays Literature For University And College! Hey, everybody knows that winning the popular vote is sort of like winning a. People's Choice Award.

Sure it feels good for a while knowing you've carried. the three - hundred - pounds - and - up turqoise-collector demographic, but it. doesn't mean shit if you don't back it up with the Oscar. of the security democratic process specially designed to writing about guide for university students make sure that each candidate. is responsible for making false promises to fair research paper outline every American, not just the ones. in highly populated urban areas. ability to come across as warm and genuine to the American public is simply not. in Al's Westworld wiring.

Al, you lost me at writing about, Hello. try to walter work essay go duck hunting. Writing Literature! He kept trotting back from the pond with nothing but a. mouth full of bloody feathers thinking he did a great job and not understanding. why everybody kept on aqa maths coursework petting the dumbass Texas Labrador with the bandanna tied. around his neck. except perhaps who he truly is.

The problem with Al Gore's intellectualism is, he never lets us forget it. And though we value intelligence, nobody likes a. know-it-all. Writing Essays About A Brief Guide Students! Sure, I enjoyed reading Proust in high school too, but at least I. was smart enough to walter work of art essay lock myself in the bathroom and tell my parents I was. style while campaigning on the road. He gave it his best shot, but people got. the impression he wasn't really paying attention to them.

Every time he'd try. to connect with some guy working in essays about literature for university and college, a factory or a waitress in a diner, he'd. end up nodding his head faster and anesthesiology, faster and slowly inching away. His body. language always reminded me of somebody who's asked directions to the nearest. gas station, but can't actually listen to them because he's gotta whizz so. only comes calling once a generation. When Bill Clinton spoke to us, he looked. like he really cared what we were thinking, made us feel smart, made us feel. good about ourselves and made us think that he would always remember us.

That's. a style that can only be honed by decades of trying to writing essays about literature a brief score strange tail in. cheap, roadside cocktail lounges. Democrats are going to be pointing more fingers than the contract Hindu god Vishnu at a. Dunkin' Donuts.

But ultimately, the problem was simply this: Al Gore came. across as a phony, and George W. Writing Essays About Literature A Brief Guide For University And College! Bush came across as genuine. And after eight. years of being lied to by one of the smartest men on the planet, a lot of. people had decided they wanted a president with neither the anesthesiology inclination nor the. brains to mislead them. bored and try to tamper with my life. Give me a mildly clueless figurehead who.

will meet with the Girl Scout who sold the most Thin Mints, telephone the. winning Super Bowl team in their lockerroom, fly abroad now and then to watch. funny foreigners dance funny dances, and most important of all, leave me the. Midge. Writing Guide And College! Moose.

Moose. Background Paper Outline! Midge. You know, alliteration is just one of the quirky. little twists that one can use to augment the writing about guide for university and college students English language. Walter Of Art Essay! English, for my. jingoistic dollar: still the creme de la creme of all languages. Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but to literature guide students listen to all the work alarmist.

intellectual Henny-Penny doom-mongers going on and on these days about the. imminent death of the English language, you'd think the English language was, like, ya know, totally dying, or something. Essays About Literature A Brief For University! Whatever. corrupted culture. Banalities without the B is analities. That's funny. parts of Kentucky. It's also the language of business, diplomacy, and.

without the funny accent. Essays! Because I don't know what language working-class. Brits are speaking over there in England, but it isn't like anything I've ever. heard. I saw the movie Snatch over the weekend and I felt more out of it than. Liz Taylor at the Golden Globes. on in life. Essays A Brief Guide! I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and anesthesiology, vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and literature a brief guide for university and college, the capricious whimsy of verbs, the. strutting pageantry of the adjective, and the flitting evanescence of the. adverb, all kept safe and orderly by those reliable little policemen, punctuation marks. Wow.

You think I got my ass kicked much in high school? telling someone you majored in contract law assignment, it. Now, the first thing they do is mentally. subtract twenty grand off what they think you make. The second thing they do is. ask you to bring them a menu and tell them the soup of the essays about guide and college students day. And why not? In. school, English was the aqa maths coursework tasks easiest subject to bullshit your way through. There are.

no Cliff Notes for Physics. Writing Essays About Guide And College Students! You can't bluff your way through a Calculus. discussion just by watching Calculus: The Movie. But when it comes to essay. questions, well, you can fake it like a hooker being paid by the moan. change in order to dbq thesis remain relevant. But let's not go out of our way to. appropriate words from other cultures simply to justify making something more. expensive. Hey, you can add all the Italian suffixes you want, you're not.

fooling anybody over there at about literature a brief guide, Starbucks. Aqa Maths Coursework Tasks! It's still just coffee. Now ring me. the fuck up, you frappaloser. their phrases from Greek, which is essays guide, only fitting since every time I go to see. one, he somehow feels the anesthesiology need to spend the afternoon spelunking around in my. ass. All I know is if Hippocrates had been born someplace other than Athens, they would have come up with an easier way to writing literature a brief and college students check my prostate than drilling. me like theyre George Bush and my ass is Alaska. could speak it properly. Forget Stone Cold Steve Austin or the Rock, if you.

want to see real wrestling, watch our newly elected president pronounce the. unscripted, the English language disintegrates like cotton candy in a monsoon. Even he looks like hes surprised at whats coming out of his mouth, kind of aqa maths, like. Malkovich when he had that puppeteer inside his head. mother tongue is kicking ass and taking names. It's large and in essays for university, charge, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, full of piss and vinegar and peasantry, ready to open up a. big ol can of whup-ass. It's calling the shots, it's bouncing and behaving, it's all up in it, and it's all that and a bag of chips.

For the love of God, somebody please tell me what in the hell I'm talking about. you do have to admit that I went an entire football season without saying it. Take it from a connoisseur, it should be used sparingly, like saffron in writing guide for university and college students, a. blossoming into its ripe, rich middle until its cruelly truncated in its prime. by a merciless, glottal stop. In all of aqa maths coursework, its earthy, salty, illicit. Anglo-Saxon glory, fuck is almost as satisfying to say as it is to do. through my casual use of profanity. To those critics, I would respond that my. discourse merely exemplifies the essays guide and college students vaunted precedent of valorizing the oral. vernacular. Aqa Maths Tasks! I would further add that language is a living tissue, which must.

occasionally suffer the rupture of literature for university and college students, subversion in order to fair background convalesce with more. structural stability. So to writing a brief guide for university and college students those guardians of the linguistic gates who charge. that I shoehorn the F-word in wherever I can, merely to aqa maths coursework tasks further a rather. tenuous career built entirely on writing literature guide and college a profane house of cards, well, why dont you. just go fuckerize yourselves.

Hey, is tasks, there anybody nowadays who doesnt want to be on TV? Sometimes even on. two different shows in completely unrelated fields where his option has just. been picked up for two years in one unrelated field and hes shamelessly using. the other field to suck applause marrow out of the helpless behavior-mod rats. stuck in his studio audience only because they unluckily stumbled into a.

Partridge Family bus outside Manns Chinese Theater? outside may seem like a nonstop whirlwind of gorgeous people, fabulous clothes, sparkling parties and spectacular homes, the reality is exactly that. Sorry, folks. I wish I had some balm to soothe you, but I don't. It's fucking awesome. From Balinese shadow plays to bullfighters in Madrid to the porn studios of the. San Fernando Valley to The Craig Kilborn Show, the only human desire more. universal than the urge to put on a show is the urge to writing a brief for university get paid for it. people with egos as fragile as Strom Thurmonds hip. There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or. approval early in life and have grown up to become bottomless, gaping vessels.

of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh. to get laid. Take any one of the Backstreet Boys or the kids from N Sync and. put them behind a deli counter with a paper hat and day old meat stains on. their apron, and the only security and taxation spears they'd have their hands on would be Vlasic. this television show from Iraq called The Chabab Abeeely Program. And this. guy Chabab Abeeely looks really self-satisfied, singing, dancing, giving away. the Chabab Abeeely home game to the Chabab Abeeely studio audience, and writing essays a brief guide students, I. always wonder: Does Chabab Abeeely really think he, Chabab Abeeely, is in show. business?

Do you, Chabab Abeeely? did. In hopes of being immortalized by the no-frills. Raymond-Chandler-if-he-had-no-talent narrative of the E Channels. smoke-enshrouded A.J. Benza. Law Assignment! Hey, A.J. Violation of the Peter Principle. Ain't.

week of the essays about literature a brief and college students year. Many times I drove fifteen hundred miles at a time in a. rusted out AMC Pacer with tires balder than William Shatner fleeing his house. during a 3 AM earthquake, and a blinking dashboard warning-light that said Hey. Asshole, Somethings On Fire And It's Not Your Career All this just for fair research outline, the. privilege of sharing a skanky one-bedroom apartment-slash-gulag with two other. jerkoffs in skinny, crinkle ties, one of writing essays about literature a brief and college, whom invariably had a cough so bad. that a Welsh coal miner would tell him to get it checked out, and contract, the other of. whom was constantly bragging about essays literature a brief getting laid by two different chicks every. week for the past six years and screamed like Lawrence of Arabia galloping into. Aqaba every time he tried to urinate. of my favorite eateries, and I got interrupted in mid-bite by someone asking.

me, Are you And I said, Yes, I'm Dennis Miller. Can we do this later? And. he said, Do what later? I wanted to know: Are you finished with that ketchup? The point I'm making is, if you're in show business, the only thing worse than. getting interrupted for an autograph during a meal is not getting interrupted. for an essays on social and taxation, autograph during a meal. And when you begin to have more uninterrupted. meals than Rudolf Hess in Spandau, it's time to writing about guide for university consider another line of work.

start to law assignment panic and about and college students, everyone begins to peasantry dbq thesis see those rivulets of essays literature a brief guide for university, sweat running down. your forehead, dripping off your chin, and it unnerves them, because they are. then reminded of essays on social security and taxation, their own tenuous little toehold on writing for university the steep, shale cliffs of. success, so they'll take any opportunity to loosen your pitons, causing you to. plummet backwards onto the jagged rocks at the base of the Piedmont and impale. yourself on a stalagmite where the others still in the game can then watch the. carrion birds feast on peasantry your exposed, still-warm entrails. Writing Essays About Literature And College Students! [SING] Theres no. business like showbusiness! only moments to be considered a lifetime failure. Ask Vanilla Ice. If he'll.

come out from under your car at contract law assignment, Meineke. somebodys going to try to writing essays about guide students fuck you while youre sleeping. And the casting couch? A total myth! There is no couch. Aqa Maths Coursework! Trust me, it's never anything more comfortable. than a rented card table covered in about a brief, head shots . Or so I've heard. constant attention to be happy and fulfilled and you have already proven. yourself unqualified for a more pleasant profession like being a medical test. subject.

Yes, the highs can be dazzling, but the views they provide are often. straight to the bottom of the chasm ahead of you. I am sorry, young dreamer, but I cannot encourage you to benjamin of art join me in this difficult, wearying life, because. I fear for your financial well-being, I am concerned about your mental health, I tremble at the pain you might cause yourself and your family, and most. importantly, I sure as shit don't need any more competition. always be a grueling and frequently humiliating industry. And you know what? I. don't care who you know, you never start out at literature guide and college students, the top, no matter what. business you're in.

First you're given oil wells, then you're given a baseball. team, and then, and walter of art, only then, are you given the White House. Now, I don't want to writing essays guide for university get off on contract a rant here, but this country's so intolerant. right now, they might as well change the plaque at the base of the Statue of. Liberty to read, Go the fuck back to Fuckatania. just as long as they don't ask me to pay for essays guide for university and college, it or wanna sit next to me on a. plane and talk about it. demand our approval. Sorry, but if you move in next door to me, and anesthesiology, one day I. look out my window and see your wife cutting the lawn with her teeth because. she's a sheep, don't expect me to bring a covered dish over when you two. reaffirm your vows, okay? soccer games, and eschew lactose, and writing essays literature a brief guide for university and college students, there's never any logical reason.

Most. arguments made by intolerant people have all the of art essay consistency of space shuttle. genteel art of essays literature a brief students, sitting back and letting someone go on science fair background research and on thinking he's. right while you bask securely in the power of the knowledge that he or she is. completely full of shit? don't think there's really anything that damaging in literature a brief for university students, Eminem's lyrics. He's no.

more dangerous than a bleached-blond Chihuahua chewin' on an old dishrag. Eminem doesn't upset me. You know why? Because he wants to upset me. Does his. rap instill hate and inspire intolerance? All I can say is, not in russian peasantry dbq thesis, me. As a. matter of fact, it does the opposite. The more he talks about writing about literature a brief for university hating. homosexuals, the more I urge gay inclusion in all aspects of society.

The more. crudely he rages against contract law assignment, women, the more I crave their company and counsel. The. more he casts blame on corporate responsibility for global warming resulting in. the dangerous shrinking of the polar ice cap, the more I realize that you now.

know that I'm totally full of shit and have never even listened to writing guide for university students his music. attempting to eradicate it end up practicing it, only in a mutated, once-removed form. Liberals in particular are guilty of walter benjamin work, this supposedly. well-meaning recidivism. Honestly, it baffles me that the same people who blast. away at President Bush's selection of a religious conservative for about literature guide students, Attorney. General won't give George W. any kudos for fair background, other cabinet choices which include. blacks, Jews, Asians, Hispanics and women. Does a fundamentalist Christian not. also represent a valued strand in our collective fabric?

Who's really being. intolerant of other peoples differences here? And by the way, who cares if. Ashcroft's religion prohibits him from dancing? Who wants to see John Ashcroft. dancing anyway? After all, I hear he was born with two right feet. constantly howling like a beagle at writing essays, a Rick Wakeman concert at the prospect of a. right wing conservative holding sway over the countrys law enforcement. priorities.

Give it a rest, Spam head. Let's not get into aqa maths coursework tasks, your view on essays about guide and college students womens. rights and coursework tasks, the sanctity of human life, okay, because where those issues are. concerned, Teddy, you may not be, uh, shall we say, in control of your own. vehicle. Capice, Tay-o?

right. Quick show of essays guide for university and college students, hands: if he came down and applied, how many here think. Jesus would actually be accepted into Bob Jones University? C'mon, they'd beat. the shit out of contract law assignment, a long haired, peace-and-love hippy before he could turn the. who scream about the freedom of about for university and college, choice for a woman to do what she wants with. her body are forcing people who want their body to have a cigarette out into. the streets to smoke. Some people who are against the death penalty are so. adamant that they would electrocute those who are for it, and some of those who. pray for the lives of the unborn also recite an extra Our Father when a. clinic is fair background, bombed.

or that you subordinate your own best instincts to essays literature and college students the tyranny of mass opinion. It simply means you pretend not to know that everyone on the planet but you is. a total fucking moron. that one group, belief or lifestyle is superior to another, it fails to take. into account the ultimate truth which binds us all, black and dbq thesis, white, gay and. straight, Republican and Democrat, Arab and writing essays literature a brief for university students, Israeli, Hindu and Muslim, Catholic. and Protestant, Serb and Croat, Hutu and Tutsi: the dbq thesis fact that, at the end of.

the day, we are all equal pains-in-the-ass, in the eyes of the Lord. Boy, the Clintons' left Washington about as quietly as Kid Rock leaves a. cockroaches, a drunken party guest or a super-virulent strain of. antibiotic-resistant clap, the. Clintons are proving almost impossible to get rid of. Essays A Brief And College! Hey, is there any way for. an entire nation to file a restraining order? defined by walter work of art hypertext essay, a series of writing essays about a brief guide and college students, scandals, providing their marriage a much-needed.

distraction from ever having to actually stop and figure out how to extricate. themselves from their biggest predicament: each other. Let's face it. If the. Clintons' marriage were any more about convenience, they'd have to install a. Slurpee machine and a Slim-Jim rack.

merrily parade their greed and corruption past us like a garish Mardi Gras. powered by the drivetrain of Bill Clinton's gargantuan sense of entitlement. Hillary steers, while Bill sits on the top tossing pardons out to peasantry dbq thesis the crowd. drunken Bacchus with a perpetual hard-on for a scepter. to the quid-pro-quo altar is none other than Hillary's currently. eight-and-a-half-months pregnant brother, Hugh Rodham. Writing Guide For University Students! Hey, who could blame. Jabba the Hick for acting as a supersized go-between?

How would you. like it if your sister was in the White House for eight years and you couldn't. even cash in on it because of stupid laws and shit? compared to essays on social the Marc Rich debacle. For University! President Clinton has repeatedly.

insisted his pardon of Marc Rich was the anesthesiology thesis right thing to do. Which should. probably tip you off to just how wrong it undoubtedly was. tax-scamming billionaire fugitives named Rich and Green. If the symbolism were. any more obvious, Andrew Lloyd Weber would be writing music for it.

his former wife, Denise Rich. Writing Essays A Brief Guide For University And College Students! Now why would a former wife go to essays security and taxation the wall for. her ex-husband? Well, in this case, I can think of writing about a brief guide and college, a couple of billion reasons. You know, she couldn't be any more in her former husbands hip pocket if she. were a piece of lint. Think about it. Denise Rich is the perfect unwitting foil. to do the bidding of low-rent Machiavellis like her ex and Bill Clinton. Every.

time I see that footage of her standing there on stage next to Clinton in her. strapless, fur-trimmed, hey-baby-give-it-up-you're-in-your-mid-fifties Escada. frock, smiling that lobotomized, open-mouth smile, all the while clapping her. mitts together like she's a trained seal cleaning erasers, just so thrilled to. be part of the action that all the naysayers once told her was way out of her. league, well, all I can think is, Wow, she's not even aware of what an.

incredible dupe she's being played for. You know, there's nothing sadder than. a star-fucker who thinks she's a patriot. And I like her. been involved in sketchy pardons, taken gifts they weren't supposed to, or. profited from their positions. It's just that no one has ever done it in such. bulk, in so short a time, eliminating the mid-level operative and passing the. scandal right on to you, the russian peasantry dbq thesis consumer. Let's face it: the Clintons are the.

Costco of Sleaze. Clintons' karma. Essays About! At this point Hillary's coming back as a dung beetle with an. overdeveloped sense of smell, and Bill will come back as. Fair Research Paper! uh. well, Bill. Face it, this guy's smarter than God. but this is when he's at his absolute best. When the writing for university whole world has turned. their back on him, when the walter benjamin work of art baying hounds are confusing the scent of his blood. with someone else's who's about to take the fall for him.

That is the about guide for university precise. moment he has you exactly where he wants you. betraying themselves. From the women's rights groups who took Clinton's side. against all the women he victimized to all the liberal compadres he discarded. when it was politically expedient to contract law assignment do so, Clintons proffered deal has always. been the essays a brief guide and college same: I will help you achieve your goals if you simply abandon the.

ideals that made them worthwhile in the first place. We've awakened from our long nightmare of codependence and addiction and we've. found someone new. Maybe he's not as smart or as exciting as you, but he treats. us nice and makes us feel pretty. We don't need you anymore, Bill, okay? So. stop calling and stop driving past our house at night and anesthesiology, stop looking at writing about literature a brief students, us. like that.

Now get off the porch and get out of here before we change our. And an article in USA Today this week reported an increase in the number of pet. owners taking their dogs to see psychiatrists. Hey, whatever happened to. yelling at your dog to get off the couch? You know, if I could lick my own. balls, I sure as hell couldn't need a shrink. And Taxation! Ah, who am I kidding? I can lick. my own balls.

That's why I go to a shrink. I can't stop. Because I'm a human. being, with a bafflingly complex mind and a very stiff neck. like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant. traditional, tribal forms of healing, in about and college, which the right combination of words. and potions would ease your tortured spirit. I can just picture an African. Bushman, lying on a dirt floor, anxiously telling his medicine man this. nightmare he keeps having about contract showing up at work fully clothed. multi-million-dollar business it is today here in the United States.

We're the. only people in writing essays guide for university students, the world who are stupid enough to benjamin of art hypertext actually want to know what's. going on inside our minds. Writing About Literature A Brief Guide Students! Americans couldn't be more self-absorbed if they. were made of equal parts water and paper towel. Woody Allen helped popularize the idea that going to a shrink is normal and. healthy. And just look what its done for him and his family. He and his. daughter-slash-wife have never been happier.

realm of the walter of art middle- and- upper classes. About Literature Guide For University! sychoanalysis is science fair, expensive, which. isn't too surprising when you consider it was invented by a major cokehead. little nagging things I can never remember. Like stalactite or stalagmite. Alligator or crocodile. Nipple clamp or nipple restraint. and schizophrenia.

Being diagnosed as one or the essays about guide other has two immediate. benefits. First, it automatically defines a set of anesthesiology thesis, effective treatments and. second, it tells you which side you'll play on writing for university students in the essay annual Crazy Fucks. modern psychiatry deals more with correcting chemical imbalances in the brain. Kind of like what some people did back in essays guide and college, college, except then it wasn't called. psychiatry, it was called bong hits. people and molding them into well-rounded, secure and anesthesiology thesis, productive members of essays about literature students, a. chaotic, violent and thesis, unstable society. electroshock, but I do feel the pendulum has swung too far the other way. Today, everything is writing essays literature for university and college, a disorder or a disease that deserves our understanding. Nobody is held personally responsible for law assignment, their actions.

And that's gotta go. I. think a good first step would be to change not guilty by reason of insanity to guilty by reason of insanity. I have one little problem that makes me consider seeing a shrink, it's a. white-hot hatred for all humanity that burns so intensely it literally sears my. insides. Other than that, I'm feelin' pretty mellow these days. paranoid. I don't think I'm worth the time and literature a brief guide and college students, effort it would take for someone.

to hunt me down. working right, I can either bang it with my hand, or call a professional to fix. the damn thing. In fact, I even have my shrink wear a tool belt and a name tag, and rip a big one at russian dbq thesis, the start of every session. implicitly with the deep, dark secrets you wouldn't even tell your accountant. me questioning their credentials.

No doubt the writing essays literature for university and college worst was Doctor Cletus, a. Jungian in bib overalls who, while I poured out the work of art most intimate details of my. very existence, would thumb through back-issues of literature a brief guide for university students, Guns Ammo magazine, occasionally glancing over at me, giggling and muttering, Man, that is some. plagued by feelings of inadequacy. Aqa Maths! So I went to essays literature guide for university see a psychologist. And he told. me the reason I felt inadequate was because I was inadequate. Now that guy was. a fucking genius. Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but why are Americans so in anesthesiology thesis, love. with credit?

Simple: WE'RE AMERICANS. Literature And College Students! We want everything, we want it Bigger, louder, shinier, faster, and we want it NOW. Instant gratification is as. American as drive-through microwave apple pie. Of course Tantric sex was. invented in India. Here, we want to contract fuck just to get it over with, so we can go. out and essays about literature guide for university and college students, buy more stuff. hock to law assignment pay for the Revolutionary War. And then, in 1803, we purchased the.

Louisiana Territory, and they only essays about guide and college students sent us the clear title for that three weeks. practicality of our Puritan ancestors. But come on: How frugal is it to buy a. separate belt buckle just for your hat? counterpart, interest. Russian Peasantry Dbq Thesis! Credit is like a friendly bartender, wrapping his arm. around your shoulder and telling you it's okay, just put this round on your. credit card and take care of it with your next paycheck. Interest is the surly. bouncer who hustles you head-first out of the about for university and college warm tavern and science background, face-first into. the urine-stained snow bank, all the while mercilessly punching you in the ribs.

as he methodically goes through your pockets, until he gets back every last. penny that you owe him. mortgage a house. When you buy a car. Writing About Guide And College Students! When you're on e-Bay and coursework, you see a. mint-condition ice-packed human kidney that's still throbbing and writing essays about for university and college students, would go.

perfectly in your collection . But who would have a collection like that. credit rating. And without one, you're considered a bad lending risk. On Social And Taxation! Just try. applying for a car loan or a mortgage. Writing Essays About Literature And College! Trust me, you'll be ignored like the. busboy at Hooters. don't even know what cash looks like. You take out a wad of bills these days, and you might as well be pulling out beaver pelts to aqa maths tasks pay for that pizza. I have.

had cashiers take the twenty-dollar bill I've given them and write my drivers. license number on it. Of course, we'll always need cash for strip clubs. Nobody. wants to see a naked chick swipe a card.

card companies would send me letters telling me I had been pre-approved for. drunk and putting them behind the wheel of writing for university, a car to teach them responsibility. The interest rates on these cards make Tony Soprano look like George Bailey. director for Pamela Anderson's V.I.P. And true, while I appreciate the. convenience credit cards provide, what I really like are the walter work of art hypertext cards themselves. I like their size and writing literature for university, weight and as a matter of fact, I have customized mine. with razor-sharp tungsten edges and essays on social and taxation, balanced them for writing and college, throwing with deadly. accuracy. I also took the liberty of having a graphic artist rework the little.

holograms for dbq thesis, me. Essays Literature A Brief And College! My MasterCard shows a squirrel water-skiing, and my Visa. shows an old, fat couple fucking. My point is, credit can be fun if you just. the place where you're supposed to put your signature on the back of the card.

too small. And nobody ever checks the essays security signature on the card anyway. When they. do, it's just for show; they're not really checking it. I know because, as an. experiment, on my most recent card, instead of signing it, I wrote, Just ring. it up, shithead. So far, not a peep. this society is by what color credit card you carry. For American Express, the.

once-prestigious Green card can be replaced by the Gold card. Keep charging, and you are eligible for writing essays about literature a brief, the Platinum card, which can now be trumped by the. upper-echelon Black card. Soon you will be able to contract law assignment just have a bar code sewn. onto your ass, so that there's absolutely no way you can leave home without it. In closing, let me say that today, I am fortunate, because I have the money to. pay off my credit cards at the end of writing about a brief guide and college students, each month -- but I choose not to.

Why? Well, my logic is that if a killer asteroid obliterates the earth, causing. tidal waves and cosmic fires that destroy every submicroscopic trace of life on. this planet as we know it, and I still owe three grand on work hypertext essay my Visa, I win. You know why Jack Kerouac was cool? Because he had no idea he was. eight pounds of hip in a five-pound bucket. It's not bought, bred or. bequeathed. Writing Essays Literature A Brief For University! Clinton lost it, Gore can't buy it and Bush thinks it's spelled.

all of contract, us in a dog-sled-train, struggling to keep up with the about a brief guide for university and college alpha male. trendsetter, when all we can make out are the aqa maths hazy, glistening outlines of his. ice-flecked, rhythmically pumping butt cheeks. Sorry, I got a little carried. away, there. I'm still recovering from writing essays about literature guide and college students, Gay Week on Animal Planet. America would be making out in study hall with Sweden, picking on India, and. smoking in the U.N. restroom with France and Colombia. society while still living within it, dropping in to give Richie and Chachi a. dose of russian, hard-earned street wisdom, and then headin' off to Arnold's to grab a. shake and pound a free song out of the jukebox when the Cunningham scene gets a. little too square. By the way, almost triggering a petite mal seizure by. doing the literature a brief and college finger quotes thing - uncool.

approach: cryptic and unflappable, squinting through the essays security smoke from the. cigarette dangling between your lips, never letting a trace of emotion show. except for an occasional sardonic half-smile at the foolish world around you. that you couldn't give a rat's ass about. it transcends their physical being. Frank Sinatra is about literature a brief for university students, so cool, he hasn't.

bothered to take a breath for years, and aqa maths coursework tasks, he could still kick the shit out of. insouciance that bears the writing about a brief guide for university and college students corporate patina of mass-marketed nonconformity. This is essays on social and taxation, shopping mall cool, easily attainable: You don't have to Harley to. Sturges; or Master the Guitar; or Trek through Nepal-- just plunk down your. Discover card and buy some threads at Urban Outfitters or a barbed-wire. bicep-tattoo at the Henna Hut, and not only will you enter the kingdom of cool, you'll also get a valuable cash-back bonus that can be applied to cruise travel. or a Reader's Digest subscription. everything with a hip aura. I was at a drug store and watched an old man spend.

15 minutes trying to decide if he wanted his Ex-Lax in essays about guide and college, Extreme Orange or. Totally Wacked Wintermint. up a cool front. For example, when your doctor gives you a prostate exam, or. when the supermarket cashier calls for a price check on super-small-size. condoms, or when the door man at the Vanity Fair Oscar party bitch-slaps you. for bursting into and taxation, tears when he tells you he can't find your name on the guest. list, even though it should have been there it SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE!! J-Lo, I. off on Saturday Night Live, and writing essays and college students, yet the walter benjamin work hypertext entire nation was doing my George Bush. impersonation.

Oh wait, that was Dana, too. Come to literature a brief for university students think of it, I've never. coolest person in the room is. Anesthesiology! For example the other day at Starbucks, as I. observed the 20-something counter jockey with the pierced prefrontal cortex and. the dust bunny on writing about a brief guide and college students his chin, and contract law assignment, the as-yet un-produced screenwriter sitting in. the corner staring at writing essays literature for university and college students, a four-year-old script-in-progress that still has fewer. words in benjamin work, it than his latte order, or the literature a brief and college students heavily perfumed walking designer rack. talking into aqa maths coursework tasks, her cell phone like she was trying to be heard over essays a brief for university and college students, a fucking. chainsaw, I realized with some pride that I could honestly say I was the.

coolest person in science fair outline, the immediate proximity, until I looked out the window and. caught the eye of the Guatemalan landscaper trimming the hedges outside, obviously wondering what kind of schmuck I was to pay three dollars and seventy. five cents for a cup of literature for university and college, coffee. don't buy into the coolness mystique. People who dont take themselves too. seriously and don't screw over other people and understand that life goes on, the earth abideth forever, and what is walter benjamin work of art, cool today may not be cool tomorrow.

That's why it's best just to be yourself. You know, unless, of writing essays about a brief and college, course, you're. This weekend, ESPN is thesis, holding its first Extreme Sports awards. Extreme. sports? Hey, folks, let's call this what it is: weird shit invented by guys. who are willing to writing literature for university die to get laid.

sports has people all over the country jumping off bridges, skyscrapers and. mountain cliffs, and some of them aren't even invested in the stock market. contrived to make me feel like I'm aging faster than a tuna sandwich in the. glove compartment of coursework, a black car parked in Phoenix, Arizona. equipment involved is expensive, the essays about literature for university and college activities often require costly trips to. exotic locations and, let's face it, unfortunately, if you're growing up in an. inner-city housing project, the mere act of walking to school is no doubt. market anything without them.

I saw Charles Schwab on TV the other day, trying. to yell something about moderate-growth mutual funds while wakeboarding off the. North Shore of Oahu, with his knee joints poppin' like two M-80s goin' off in. an underground parking garage. really going on here: psychopaths enriching osteopaths. extreme, a wild, daring pasttime only the boldest madmen would undertake. Dbq Thesis! It. has today become so mainstream that all bungee jumping platforms are required. by law to be fully wheelchair- accessible. buildings and bridges with a parachute. You know, when I was ten years old, I. climbed up on the roof of our neighbors garage and jumped off while holding an.

open umbrella. Only it wasn't called BASE jumping back then, let's see, what. was it called . oh yeah, Being a Fucking Moron. cliff, and just before he's about to go, ask for his girlfriends phone number. the local natives think when they see the civilized folk roughing it with all. the state-of-the-art clothing and equipment money can buy. Meanwhile, the. Sherpas are climbing Everest with nothing on their feet but Wonder Bread.

bags,and their gods forbid the use of twist ties. And how about about literature for university students when these. hikers pull out their calorically calibrated protein bars, while the guide from. the tribe, who is naked except for the animal horn on his penis just digs into. a pile of elephant dung and pulls out an science background, undigested peanut, and guide for university and college, calls it. macaroni. [SING] Yankee Doody went to town. Callas in late-stage labor if I merely drive over dbq thesis, a pothole with an open coffee. container between my legs. Writing Essays About Literature For University And College Students! In my defense, I may not be as adventurous as I used. to be, but given the walter of art hypertext essay right set of circumstances, I am as extreme as they come. Like the other day, I'm making my famous cinnamon baked apples.

But just for. the sheer adrenaline rush, I stick the writing about a brief guide for university students cloves in with their spikey ends. pointing out. Balls to the wall, dude! extreme sports rather redundant when I spend a good deal of my day just trying.

to stay alive in anesthesiology thesis, traffic, while pinned between 4 stegasaurus-sized S.U.V.s, each being driven by writing literature a brief for university, a psychotically aggressive, Palm-Pilot-wielding, 98-pound. woman with the blood sugar level of Lot's wife. best, genuine respect. But what pisses me off are the amateur extreme athletes, who don't just risk their own lives -- they make some park ranger, fireman, or. cop risk his life to essays security save them. Writing About Literature A Brief And College! Every time I see a soldier who enlisted so he. could defend his country, end up having to put his neck on the line, rappelling. off a helicopter to save some middle-aged hero-wannabe jagoff who skied 20. miles off the aqa maths coursework tasks clearly marked trail just so he can have a better pickup line. than, Hey, baby, your place or my moms?, I can't help but hope that just this.

one time, the kid from the National Guard is going to change his mind and. chopper away to get a well-deserved beer, but not before getting just close. enough to shout, Hey, asshole, Charles Darwin says hi. Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but tonight I'd like to take a step. back and evaluate the former oilman who just 83 days ago took on the awesome. responsibility of running our huge, complicated nation. And, if we have time, I'd also like to writing essays guide for university and college students talk about anesthesiology President Bush. the day, and would rather be watching television than focusing on what average. Americans want for their lives.

Hey, that is exactly what average Americans. want for their lives. Where Clinton looked presidential and acted like a kid, Bush looks like a kid. and so far -- acts presidential. And while he has turned off the wocka-wocka. 70's porno guitar of the essays literature a brief and college students Clinton years, so far he has yet to replace it with. much more than the fuzzy hissing of a patriotic late-night sign-off on russian a local. language that spurts out from between his lips like melted marshmallows coming. out of a squirt gun. heading up to his lips, they react with all the giddy panic of writing literature a brief guide for university and college students, teenagers. watching a horror movie: Don't go out there, man!

He'll butcher you! The wisest thing he did in anesthesiology thesis, the China spy plane standoff was let someone else. handle it. By contrast, a hands-on, eager-to-look-tough, micro-manager like Al. Gore would have reacted with all the composure of a drag queen getting his wig. surrounds itself with a doughnut. W.'s team of handlers has him so well. trained, they're thinking of entering him in the Westminster Kennel Club show. as a short-attention-spaniel. off.

By the year 2012, the average high school senior should be able to name. the capitals of all 45 states that haven't yet been flooded by the melted polar. president is the completely unabashed, unapologetic affinity for drilling the. shit out of writing essays about a brief guide for university and college, everything on the planet. because I often do. Do I care about the walter benjamin essay National Arctic Wildlife Refuge?

Sure, I guess so. But the mere mention of drilling for oil in literature a brief, it doesn't cause me to. foam at the mouth like a rabid fruit bat blowing Mr. Bubble. Give me a fucking. break. Every other vehicle in fair background research outline, this country is a Lincoln Navigator with an. Earth First bumper sticker on it. You simply cannot blame George W. About Guide For University! Bush for. not being able to let you have it both ways.

Besides, do you know how many. caribou it takes to anesthesiology thesis pull the writing and college average four-door sedan at a steady 65 miles per. hour? Believe me, the anesthesiology 405 would be fucked. Air National Guard the same way. He won the presidential election by essays about literature a brief guide for university and college students, a margin. narrower than John Ashcroft's mind. Really, Bush's greatest achievement in his.

life up to this point has been to lower our expectations of him so that. practically anything he accomplishes in aqa maths tasks, the Oval Office is bound to impress us. So much so that, if he can just finish out his term without stickin' a Roman. candle up his ass on a dare from brother Jeb, he's probably gonna end up on. mangles the English language. I prefer a guy in there who knows what he wants. to say but can't quite say it, instead of about and college, someone who is very eloquent about.

promises he has no intention of keeping. Aqa Maths! So far, Bush has kept his pledge to. the American people. He's surrounded himself with the best minds in Washington, restored civility to the Oval Office, and made it clear that this is essays a brief for university, an. administration that believes in big business and tasks, a strong military, while.

working like a motherfucker on that 1.6-trillion-dollar tax cut he guaranteed. us last year. Now you may not like these promises he's keeping, but maybe, in. the end, what this country needs, above all else, is literature guide for university, someone who just keeps his. word, even if that word is contract law assignment, Ca-rum-u-bob-ulate-tion-ism. God, Madonna is shameless about publicity, isn't she?

Somehow, I find it hard. to sympathize too much with her when she calls a live, televised, webcast, stereo-simulcast, distributed-by-satellite, available-on-properly-equipped. cellphones press conference to writing about literature a brief and college students complain that the media doesn't respect her. privacy. You know, it seems to me that the only time Madonna doesn't draw a. crowd is the opening weekend of one of her films. who are quiet and mind their own business nowadays are the serial killers?

doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head. There was a time when you wouldn't dream of telling a guy you just met that you. were an alcoholic. Unless, of course, you met the guy because you had driven. your car into his swimming pool. and witch hunts, we've always been a nation obsessed with the doings of and taxation, others. In the past, however, we justified our pejorative meddling with some lame, moralistic claptrap about writing a brief for university and college students upholding community standards. Well, the fact is, folks, community standards have now deteriorated like the relationship between. Brett Michaels and essays on social security, C.C.

Deville on about literature and college VH1's Poison: Behind The Music. By the. way, I hear Poison is touring again. On Social And Taxation! It's always nice to go see a retro-tour of. a hair band where the only drug they're now shooting up is literature a brief, Rogaine. is crossed more often than a line in one of George W. Bushs coloring books. we're so easily bored that, if somebody wants to science fair research paper keep our attention, they must. continually super-size the freak value. Writing Essays Guide And College! I was watching Springer the other day.

and actually saw a couple get their marriage back on track by beating the shit. out of anesthesiology thesis, each other. About And College! I think Jerry's final thought was entitled, I'm OK, You're. Kato, forced to aqa maths tasks watch defenselessly as every nook and cranny of essays literature a brief, their personal. lives gets slurped into America's bottomless maw for other people's humiliation. -- all under the false rubric that a free and open society has the right to. know.

At first fidgety, these quasi-luminaries ease into their new roles. quickly, seduced by research, the yodeling highs of about a brief and college students, celebrity that smudge the line. between the famous and the infamous, until there's no real point in their ever. saying goodbye. They turn into Abe Vigoda - you always think they're dead, and. yet, they're always RSVP'ing in the affirmative. It's sort of like Karmic. extortion.

We wouldn't leave them alone, so now it's their turn. And in the. end, their fifteen minutes last longer than a cross-country airplane. conversation with a Jehovah's Witness who sells life insurance. market. You can go online now and actually watch mutants and fair paper outline, cybergeeks who. record every nanosecond of their lives - every snore, every burp, every. restraining order filed against them by William Shatner - and beam it out over. the Internet. It all raises the interesting philosophical question: How can you. broadcast your life when you don't have a life to writing about literature a brief for university begin with?

hard to say. Contract! We're living in a brief guide for university, a time when personal boundaries are more blurred. than the camera lens in peasantry dbq thesis, a Joan Collins photo shoot. You would think that this. would help to literature a brief guide and college generate more openness between people, but all it seems to have. done is essays security, increase our mistrust. We feel perfectly comfortable spending hours. online, sharing our innermost thoughts and yearnings with complete strangers, but we don't even meet the people living next door until there's a huge. earthquake and everyone's out on essays about for university and college students their lawns at one in contract, the morning. Writing Essays A Brief Guide Students! As a matter. of fact, that's the scariest part of an thesis, earthquake - hearing your 58 year-old.

neighbors Myrna and about guide, Leo explain how they had just strapped her into walter of art hypertext, the. Vietnamese fuck basket, when all of writing essays literature guide for university, a sudden, she started swinging back and. forth, like King Kong's balls on russian peasantry dbq thesis a hot day. Writing About! Well, thanks for the visual, Myrna, I think I'm gonna go pick up a downed power line now, OK? proliferation of hidden cameras. They're everywhere now. [POINTING AT CAMERA]

As a matter of fact, what's this? I just don't think that's right. Russian Peasantry Dbq Thesis! When I'm by. myself, just like everyone else in this room, I do things that I would never do. if I knew I was being videotaped. I pick my nose. I scratch my nuts. Essays About A Brief For University And College Students! I squeeze.

blemishes. I work at my stubborn dandruff patch. I kick off my shoes and background research outline, bite. my toenails. Writing Essays About Literature Guide For University And College! I use whatever's lying around to scrape my tongue. I pull nostril. hairs out and measure them with a small silver ruler I carry on a chain around. my neck and record their length in millimeters in an embossed spiral notebook. I pinch my nipples until my eyes tear up, and walter essay, I straddle things and essays guide and college students, yell. giddy-up, while slapping myself on contract law assignment the ass with a Victorian carpet beater. The point is, I should be able to pass my time waiting in line at the Post.

Office any way I want to. And on writing about literature guide for university and college students Thursday, the Dow Jones industrial average took another 80-point nose. dive, before rallying today. You know, lately, the stock market's been. performing like a blind dominatrix. Walter Of Art Essay! you never know when she's going to hit. without the about guide and college slots, the hookers or the thesis dependable odds. A $50 billion manufacturer of 16 different microprocessing components, each. indispensable to the computer industry, can see its stock price plummet by half.

or more, solely on writing about literature a brief guide and college the rumor that Benny Kelso on the loading dock says it hurts. you're wondering about the science outline difference, a bear market is where I lose money. because my stocks are plummeting along with everybody else's, while a bull. market is where I lose money because my stocks are plummeting all by. long term.

The only problem with that is, in an attention-deficit-disordered. America, the words long term indicate a time unit somewhere between the. career of a boy band and the bitch-slap of a hummingbird. computer and writing essays a brief for university and college students, the stock market has spawned the day-trader ? the kind of. proto-loser who is spotwelded into his Incredible Hulk underoos down in aqa maths, the. basement, his trembling, silver-Lotto-scratch-card dust-encrusted fingernails. frantically pounding buy and sell orders into his keyboard so loudly that. he can't even hear his mother upstairs crying out for the good old days when.

all he did online was compulsively masturbate. Thanks for the tip, Motley Fuck. That's like telling a bald guy Getting laid's. easy. Just go to writing about literature a brief guide students a bar and anesthesiology, pick up Heidi Klum. when it comes to my own investments, I have only one question: What do all. those numbers mean? Seriously, what would I know about what things are actually.

worth? I'm in a brief guide students, show business, for chrissakes. phone. Essays Security! Finally, his secretary admitted he had quit to take a job with Exxon, but she couldn't quite remember which gas station it was. conversations with an investment advisor, I will do so by saying, I'm done.

speaking with you now, instead of saying, Bye-bye, which my former money. manager always mistook for an enthusiastic request to purchase shares in. whatever lean-to piece of shit-dot-com sham he was getting blowjobs and essays about, free. plane tickets to push that week. company? good, solid, sound fiscal research. When I'm thinking of investing in on social and taxation, a. retail chain, for example, what I do is go to one of their stores, and lock. myself in a bathroom stall. Then I curl up in a fetal ball on the floor and. emit a low, painful- sounding groan, and essays a brief for university and college students, I time how long it takes one of the. assistant managers to law assignment come in and see if I'm okay. Wal-Mart?

3 minutes. Target? Half hour. K-Mart? Kibbel the night janitor woke me up at essays literature for university and college, three in the morning. and asked me if I had any rolling papers. but can I have my pants back? Recently, let's say, over the past month, I've. put sixty-thousand dollars into Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.

Thank God I didn't buy. faster than Al Roker on anesthesiology a greasy flagpole. You'd think I would have learned my. lesson, but instead I moved my remaining capital into for university students, something called e-Toys. And last time I looked, that stock had broken through zero and was tunneling. into the molten magma at walter benjamin of art hypertext, the core of our planet. unexpected bright spots.

For one thing, remember that day-trading dilettante. prick neighbor of writing literature a brief guide for university, yours?the guy who threw a few lucky darts at the NASDAQ wheel. and showed up at every party for the next year in his Lincoln Navigator, downed. a few too many glasses of contract law assignment, Turning Leaf Chardonnay and got all self-important, going on and on writing essays a brief guide for university and college like he was Warren Buffet with a soul patch talking about P/E. ratios and small-cap funds' place in the Keens-ian oeuvre and on social and taxation, you figured, Well, he must know what he's talking about, and so you put ten grand in a. stock he recommended that collapsed like the Three Stooges' tent the essays a brief guide students following. week? You remember that guy? Well, right about russian now, he's replacing all the. deodorant cakes in the men's room urinals at writing about literature, Der Weinershnitzel before he. finishes off his shift standin' out front and handin' out half-off chili fry.

coupons, dressed like a giant fuckin' bratwurst. I'd say karma is up about a. And earlier today, Timothy McVeigh's execution was moved back to June 11th. Ahhhhh. You know, I love a June execution. what an ad would go for. You think I'm kidding? Trust me, if General Motors. thought it would move vehicles off its dealers' lots, they would sponsor a live. TV broadcast of Timothy McVeigh's execution. No doubt with some sort of.

tasteful product tie-in: Folks, if you thought that injection was lethal, check-out the fuel injection in the all new 300-horsepower Cadillac Escalade culture when the most escapist form of entertainment is walter benjamin hypertext, currently called. tv, but lately, they've been going for it like a hungry mutt on an ass-flavored. poses the burning question: Why is that morbidly obese man not wearing a. shirt? At least digitally scramble his mantits, OK? fabulous house on the beach with a bunch of attractive young people all the. while being videotaped by an ever-present camera crew is in any way, shape or.

form real. However, The Real World does provide us with the valuable. insight that, like, when you buy, like, orange juice, you know, and somebody. else, like drinks it without, you know, like, asking, that's, like, a personal. violation? You know? have reminded me of one of my vacations when I was single. Remember when you. planned to hit the writing about literature a brief guide island and fuck anything that movedand nothing moved? over, appropriately, it will probably be the work last one standing.

I caught the. season finale of Survivor. Watching this poly-merized tribal ritual through. the smoky tiki-torch kerosene-scented haze, just one thought crossed my mind: How come that Keith guy is 40 but looks like he's 90? be one of the writing essays about literature guide first to contract law assignment be voted off -- if not for my tendency to openly hate. other people, then for the visual and emotional assault that is me in bicycle. pants crying all the time.

But my plan would be simple. As soon as the votes. were tallied, and Jeff Probst gave me the bad news, saying, The tribe has. spoken, I'd say, Oh yeah? Well fuck the tribe. I'm a 'Survivor!' and I'd. bolt into the jungle, only to emerge every night to a brief and college pick the other contestants. off one by one with poison darts. Then I'd start in on the crew.

instant television celebrity, it's probably much harder to beat out the 35,000. other applicants vying for a spot on Survivor than it was for me to beat out. the one other applicant trying to be the host of Dennis Miller Live. Though. believe me, Lynn Redgrave did not go down without a fight. That is one scrappy. from Dateline stories on Big Brother to russian dbq thesis the Survivor cast on about for university The Weakest. Link.

But you know something? I'm not sure they've taken it far enough. I. wouldn't mind seeing that frigid dwarf chick from Weakest Link, caught in. nothing but her chainmail corset and size 2 jackboots, running down an alley. from an immigration officer on a Fox special called When Untalented Foreigners. a deserved place in aqa maths tasks, the roster of our nightly entertainment. In fact, I myself. have several ideas for new shows in about a brief, the genre. The first is anesthesiology, called You Gotta. Be Shittin' Me, and it involves simply mounting video cameras atop gasoline. pumps at stations throughout Southern California.

the Goddamn Video Camera Down, Edna, and Yank This Mongoose off my Nutsack. stage in the television medium is that TV tends to eat its own. And in a. classic example of plagiaristic television logic, the writing about and college students geniuses at NBC noticed. that every successful reality show sparked its own catchphrase Voted off the. island, Is that your final answer? and so they decided that all they needed.

to make a hit out of science fair background research, The Weakest Link was to plaster the writing about literature for university and college phrase You are the. weakest link over so many billboards and bus-stops that it is now permanently. burnt into my brain like that time I walked in on Star Jones at the Universal. Amphitheater VIP bathroom. Russian Peasantry Dbq Thesis! But you know what? You cannot build an entire show. around a single, easily-remembered catch phrase, and assume that just because. you repeat it week after week, people will ultimately attach some sort of. profundity or wit to essays about literature guide it, and clap like trained seals whenever they hear it. People are not that stupid.

They're not going to fall for it, and it's simply. not going to work. Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but tobacco is so entwined with. the history of this country, the only reason the Statue of Liberty is not. holding up a lit cigarette is that her torch provides a better backdrop for. final showdowns in shitty action movies. tell you no, they hate it. But nicotine couldn't be tougher to kick if Lucy. Van Pelt from Peanuts was holding it with her fingertip. exposing us to their second-hand smoke.

Which is ironic, considering that. compared to L.A. Essays! air, second-hand smoke is writing essays a brief guide and college students, like aromatherapy. I'm so paranoid. about getting sick I'm even worried about third-hand smoke -- the smoke coming. off a second-hand smoker. Where's the research on that? character, in coursework, trying to testify against the tobacco industry, was up against writing essays about literature a brief guide for university and college, an. adversary that would do anything to stop him, from e-mailing him threats to.

targeting his wife and child to forcing him to fight off man-eating lions on. the blood-drenched floor of the Coliseum. die on contract them, tobacco companies must constantly look for writing essays about literature and college students, fresh meat. As a. result, they must aim their laser sites on anesthesiology the only group of people who are. easy prey because they are so naive, so easily swayed by peer pressure, and so. unready to about a brief for university and college students make their own decisions as mature adults: Southerners.

Also, At first, I only enjoyed one with an aqa maths coursework, occasional glass of essays and college students, Kool-Aid or, say, after a wild and crazy Slip-and-Slide party at Ray Luigi's place, but pretty. soon I was up to three packs a day. I never went in for bubblegum cigars; they. always seemed a tad, I dunno, pretentious. American psyche. We see ourselves as independent, livin'-my-life-without-the-government-on-my-back Marlboro men until something. goes wrong, whereupon we turn into whiny, litigious crybabies looking for. someone to foot the science fair paper outline bill for a brief and college students, our fuckups. sick, and I just don't think that's right.

Sure, I hate tobacco companies and. think they sell a quintessentially evil product, and anesthesiology thesis, then lie insidiously. through their yellowed teeth, all the while trading in their venal, profiteering souls for essays about literature guide, a lucrative paycheck in this life, knowing full well. they'll spend all of on social and taxation, time having their flesh raked by writing essays about guide, the fiery claws of aqa maths tasks, Hell, while the cries of all their victims resonate in their ears for all eternity. That being said, I hate lawyers even more. Yes, I think the tobacco companies should be punished for their deceptions and. subterfuge. But suing a tobacco company because youve developed a health. problem from essays about literature a brief guide for university and college, smoking cigarettes is like suing McDonalds because they failed to.

inform you that the hot coffee you ordered will scald your lap if you spill it. on yourself. Tasks! Hmm, bad example. health problem from smoking cigarettes is about guide students, like demanding an apology from the. Members Only jacket people for your not-getting-laid in the 80's. cigarette companies, as he has stated several times that he believes the answer. to the peasantry dbq thesis problem lies in opening up the Alaskan Wildlife Preserve for growing.

opportunity to turn the tide of public opinion in writing literature for university, their favor. I'm speaking, of. course, about the russian peasantry dbq thesis energy crisis and the surrounding environmental concerns. For. example, if the writing essays about literature guide and college students lights go out during an unexpected rolling blackout, who's. going to have a lighter to provide emergency illumination?

The smoker. If we. experience increased pollution from unregulated power plants, who's going to. require less oxygen because of diminished lung capacity? The smoker. Russian Peasantry Dbq Thesis! And if. ecosystems fall like dominoes, rendering the writing about literature guide students human race a mere band of. cannibalistic scavengers wandering through a barren wasteland, whose flesh will. possess the pleasant smoky taste of barbecue? Thank you, smokers.

national television and tell those jagoffs from OPEC, Hey, you know what's. tougher to kick than cheap oil? Those Yankee Devil Marlboro 100's that you're. always lightin' off a burning American flag. Yeah, that's right, Sheik Octane, you heard me. I don't see any tobacco plants sprouting up from that desert. shitbox of yours.

Now I want to see premium gasoline going for fifty cents a. gallon again, or you guys are going to be up all night chain-sucking on. goat-flavored Jolly Ranchers. You remember Saturday morning cartoons? They're the two minutes of filler. between commercials for supersoakers and 16,000 forms of sugar. Including.

advertising misleading, I do think it is aqa maths coursework, necessary, as it often imparts vital. information to the consumer. Writing About Literature A Brief And College Students! For example, paper towels with two plies are more. absorbent. Wider gaps in tire treads help prevent hydroplaning. Fluoride fights. tooth decay, and visiting foreign countries makes you shit yourself.

And then. you're back to peasantry dbq thesis the two-ply thing. throughout the natural world. Peacocks attract the attention of a mate through. a multicolored feather display. Baboons signal their sexual readiness with a. pair of red, swollen buttock. About Literature Students! And both the duck and gecko offer a broad range. of attractively priced supplemental car insurance packages. Now you get these out-of-focus MTV jump cuts with a throbbing technosoundtrack.

and writhing supermodels in tankinis having simulated lesbian sex in the rain. and a nun riding a yellow bike and a little barefoot kid in a Guatemalan. village, and it's an ad for fucking pretzels. at my high school -- I think I would've retained a lot more important, useful. knowledge. I don't remember anything about geometry, history or science, but I. do remember that when it says Libbie's Libbie's Libbie's on the label label. label, you will like it like it like it on your table table table. And I swear, if I find myself alone in my car car car one more time singing, Plop plop fizz. fizz/oh what a relief it is, I'm going to hunt down the mind-control fuckwad. who wrote that piece-of-shit Pavlovian haiku, and demand that he give me that.

part of anesthesiology thesis, my brain back. for allergies that are followed by a list of side effects that read like a book. of witch's spells. Nosebleeds, dry mouth, insomnia, shortness of breath, liver. damage. You know what? Keep your allergy medicine. I'd rather reach for a.

Kleenex than have a blue arc of about literature guide students, electricity connecting my nipples. At the top. of my list of thesis, commercials I do like are the ones for the local stereo store. starring either the stereo store owner, or the essays about literature for university heavily made-up stereo store. receptionist the stereo store owner is trying to bang. sitting in his car in coursework, the parking lot, dancing like a robot to Mr. Roboto.

Genius. Absolutely no idea what it's selling. provocative magazine ads are fine, but I was at the beach recently, and there. was a prop plane going back and forth along the shoreline trailing a banner. that said: ADD INCHES TO YOUR TINY COCKDENNIS And then there's no phone. products that weren't even around when they were living. Literature Guide For University And College! Just in case the on social security and taxation heirs. to my estate are getting any funny ideas, I want to get it out of the way right. now: No matter what kind of cure for diarrhea they may discover in essays about literature a brief guide and college, the year. 2525, leave me out of it. pervasive consumerism, given my own occasional forays into the world of.

advertising. But please believe me: I am just as concerned as any of you about. the omnipresence of thesis, advertising, and try and take my warnings tonight as a. desperately needed wake-up call. of up to 20 minutes for only 99 cents. back I got a call from some arms dealers. Writing Essays About Guide For University And College! They wanted me to be the spokesman. for a Kalashnikov machine gun that they wanted to market to child soldiers in. Southeast Asia.

I said, What kind of sick fuck animal do you take me for? You. want Jon Lovitz. elastic band of the immense size-52 underpants of the man in front of you in. the line at Dunkin' Donuts straining to fair background research paper outline point out the maple cruller on writing about a brief guide for university and college the. bottom rack of the display case - no, no, not that one, that one with the extra. frosting and the jimmies - to the drive to work where you are subjected to a. flashcard-like strobing of billboards that leaves your brain stamped with. subliminal impulses to fly United to Florida's Gulf Coast to essays security take a Princess. Cruise to writing essays a brief guide for university students a Radisson Hotel in the Friendly Bahamas, where you'll drink Ronrico. White Rum and wear an oversized Tommy Hilfiger shirt, and Merrill hiking shoes, while getting Lasik eye surgery, having your teeth whitened, getting approved.

for a home loan over fair paper, the phone and winning a large cash settlement for your. personal injury claim. And then the light changes, and you drive a second. Rock ads, which have now officially lasted longer than Bob Seeger's actual. career. Writing About A Brief And College! Attention, Madison Avenue: I give up.

You've won. On Social And Taxation! Here's my wallet, just get it over with and paint a milk mustache on the Statue of Liberty, OK? Can you believe that there are actually people out there who want to writing about a brief guide and college students portray. him as a victim? It's about hypertext time we put things right for the real victims of. victims' rights, sometimes they're better off if the criminal is never caught. in the first place. At least that way they only get fucked around once. We're all so loud, shrill, and adept at essays about literature for university and college, playing the victim in inconsequential. situations that an actual bonafide victim stands about background research as much a chance of.

being noticed as an unemployed guy with a laptop and a goatee at a Starbucks. that no matter how heinous the about for university and college crime, its victims are faceless entities, mere. numbers on a court docket who are accorded all the dignity of a ring girl at a. couldn't wield any less power if they were the California electrical grid. The. disparity between the victim's and the criminal's rights is most obvious when.

it comes to representation. Aqa Maths Coursework! Criminals who can't afford a lawyer get one. appointed to them by writing literature a brief and college, the court, while victims who cant afford one are relegated. to hiring the cycloptic paralegal who advertises during Mama's Family. for a crime away from the benjamin of art hypertext victim and makes it a matter for the people. Essays About Guide And College Students! Of. course, in America this means the solemn burden of justice is in the hands of.

the same people who created the Chia Pet, order the Backyard Wrestling tapes, and have demanded 7 distinct flavors of Corn-Nuts. accused. For example, victims should have a right to know when the animal who. attacked them is going to get out of jail. Peasantry! They shouldn't have to read about it. in the papers, or find out their assailant took tax-payer-financed computer. courses in prison and has just been hired as their boss. and are then given a slap on the wrist-sentenced to house arrest? The solution. is simple: Sentence them to writing about literature guide for university students house arrest in their victim's house. Trust me, they'll be beggin' for prison.

they do have is unlimited time and limited space. I think they should have to. spend their entire sentence pedaling a stationary bike in their cell that. generates electricity and sends it to the homes of their victims. Take a big. chunk out of those monthly utility bills. convicted child molesters to announce their presence in neighborhoods. Peasantry! Hey, fuck that.

I think they should have to wear bells on writing literature for university and college students their shoes and a bright. yellow windbreaker that says, I am a convicted child molester on the back. But I do have a solution that should make everybody happy: Let's force paroled. child molesters to contract live in the same neighborhoods where all the essays about guide and college ACLU attorneys. assailant's cellmate. Russian! If done properly, this one easy step could serve the dual. purpose of making the writing essays literature victim feel empowered, and coursework tasks, the criminal feel victimized. Or, at the very least, sore. is not just desirable. It's essential. It channels that need for essays about literature a brief for university students, vengeance away.

from chaos and into anesthesiology thesis, socially acceptable expression. Essays About Guide For University And College Students! But if we continue to push. victims around, they may one day feel as if they have no choice but to take. back their rights in the only way they've seen work: by becoming defendants. like Timothy McVeigh can stall his execution because of a few misplaced boxes.

of documents that only fair background paper show how much more guilty he is, we need to hustle his. ass up onto that gurney faster than the time it will take for his scumbag. lawyers to sign their upcoming book deal. guilt, thinking, Could he suffer more? In my fantasy, we get a Port-A-John. that's brimming with shit, lock him in it, and put the whole thing on writing essays about guide a pickup. truck driving slowly cross-country on contract badly paved roads. closure to writing about literature guide and college the survivors of the bombing. Law Assignment! Maybe not, but it will bring closure.

to McVeigh's eyes, and frankly, that's all I need right now. Good to see you can actually laugh at death. Usually, talking about writing about guide for university and college students death and. dying makes people feel about as comfortable as Shaquille O'Neal flying coach. life. Oh, by the way, I did see it much cheaper at Costco last weekend, so you. might want to shop around. bought the farm, took a dirt nap, met your maker, cashed in your chips, ordered-in from the dollar-an-item Mongolian Barbeque in the alley behind the. Gold-Chains-By-The-Inch stand downtown.

multiple-cat owning, ancient-Volvo-with-Practice Random Kindness And Senseless. Acts Of Beauty-bumpersticker-driving segment of walter of art, our population, that says we. as a society need to writing essays literature a brief guide students remove the stigma from death and regard it as just another. part of life. These rainbow-and-unicorn simpletons ask, Why do we insist on. portraying death as cruel?

Well, it's difficult to answer that question, but. if I had to hazard a guess, I would say, because it fucking kills us. spiritual heritage, embrace and celebrate death. But then, what do they have to. live for in the first place? Of course you're gonna have a big bash for Grandpa. Bo-ba-la, Bo-ba-la, Bo-ba-la[CLICK CLICK CLICK] when he goes, he doesn't have. to eat dingo shit off a flat rock anymore. remains of law assignment, a beloved leader on display.

That's great as long as they still. admire you, but look what happened to essays about literature guide and college students Vladimir Lenin. Now they've got him. standing up outside a Moscow restaurant, where parking valets pin car keys to. enough time, yet nothing terrifies us more than the thesis idea of essays about a brief for university students, eternity. In. America, we want to live forever, and a wide array of advanced cosmetic. surgeries now guarantees that at least certain parts of us will. In fact, an. increasing number of deceased bodies are now neither buried nor cremated, but.

returned for a deposit. Russian Peasantry Dbq Thesis! Experts say that over the past 20 years, there's been a. 72-percent increase in the number of eulogies that end in the phrase Nice. being a bright light. You know what that light is? It's the about a brief for university students doctor, trying to. detect any brain function by shining a flashlight into your pupils, you. almost-dead clueless jagoff.

of course, is choking to death on an apricot pit after waving off the only guy. offering you the Heimlich because he was too good-looking, and you were afraid. he'd stir something in you that's best left dormant. of the party even when they're dead by insisting that everyone wear a Hawaiian. shirt. These are the same assholes who get married on roller coasters. You.

know, it's only a matter of time before some octogenarian prankster rigs his. body to russian peasantry dbq thesis pop up out of the casket like Big Mouth Billy Bass and sing, Don't. can't resist having the latest and best of everything. Essays Guide And College Students! I mean, a casket with. Internet hook-up? Give me a break. When I go, stuff my ass full of candy and.

toys and let some little Mexican kid whack me with a bat. And Taxation! I don't give a shit; Hillbillies, where they're all waving goodbye, but they have my face digitally. superimposed over Granny's. believe there is writing a brief guide, a spark inside each and every one of russian, us that lives forever. When we die, I believe that energy leaves the body and essays a brief guide for university, floats towards some new. vessel.

Now if we can just find a way to capture that spark before it finds its. new repository, we could keep California's power grid up and running for most. of the law assignment upcoming summer. acceptance and perhaps even hope. Your death is an end to sadness and pain. Your death is writing about a brief for university and college students, a passage to a better world.

Your death is a moment of. unification with the essays security and taxation sacredness of eternity. My death, on the other hand? Greatest fuckin' tragedy in the history of mankind. See? That's why we don't summer in writing about literature a brief guide and college students, Algeria any more: no right to protest.

civil disobedience is deeply woven into the fibers of anesthesiology thesis, our nation. From the. Boston Tea Party to the Beastie Boys' fight for your right to essays guide and college party, our. country has a proud history of civil disobedience. band of American colonists refused to pay a tax on aqa maths coursework tea, thereby paving the way. for a free, democratic nation that does not tax tea. Writing Literature Guide Students! except, of course, for a. local sales tax paid by the purchaser, an income tax paid by the seller, and. corporate taxes paid by the manufacturer. Civil disobedience is the on social greatest. engine for change the world has ever known. boredom and guilt over having well-off parents, while killing time between Dave.

their treatment of coffee pickers in writing essays literature a brief guide for university students, South America is juvenile. Throwing a. chair through the window of Starbucks because you asked for a grande latte. percent and they gave you a venti half-caf caramel macchiato, well, that?s just. basic common sense. because they don't want their money going towards building weapons of mass.

destruction? Now, while I applaud these citizens for contract law assignment, their dedication to their. ideals and for having the courage to about a brief for university students act on their personal conscience, I also. offer them one word of advice: move. Fair Background Research! It's a big world out there, Rainbow. McDolphin. If you don't feel like paying the writing essays literature a brief for university students cover charge at Club America, pack.

up your Birkenstocks and coursework tasks, find yourself another place to writing about a brief guide and college students groove. community of like-minded brethren who keep them from thesis, having to spend their. evenings alone, perusing a three-year-old issue of Mother Jones magazine. under the flickering half-light of that cat-shit-powered lamp in writing about literature guide for university and college, their. hydroponic marijuana nursery, before crawling under their unbleached burlap. sheets for the unsatisfying solace of a non-gendered dildo carved out of a. cruelty-free handmade beeswax candle. their predecessors, striving to spend more time in front of the camera than a. lens cover. Sure, without a doubt, there are many people out research paper outline there truly. sacrificing for writing about a brief and college, a worthy cause. On Social Security And Taxation! However, I opine that for essays about a brief for university and college students, every one of them, there are many more who are in background research paper, it for the publicity, the pussy or the writing and college students buzz.

the diets he should have been on for the past 20 years, all at walter benjamin work of art hypertext, once. unemployed, limelight-whore politicians and B-list entertainers. Writing Essays About Literature Guide For University! People for. whom living up in the top of and taxation, a tree for 3 years could only writing about literature for university and college students be considered a. and she was living there to tasks keep a timber company from cutting it down. Writing For University Students! She. stayed up in that tree for over a year through lightning storms and rain and. fires. And I have to say.

I was inspired. So inspired, in fact, that about a. week after hearing about contract Butterfly, when the owner of literature a brief guide for university and college, a local shoe store. refused to give me a refund for what was obviously a defective pair of Ugg. Boots, well, I got a sleeping bag and some basic supplies and climbed up in benjamin work hypertext, the. green-striped canvas awning over literature a brief guide, the shoestore's front door. And I read a book, took a nap, ate an thesis, olive-loaf sandwich, talked to some friends on my cell. phone. then an hour and a half later, climbed down and essays about a brief, went home. I don't. think the shoe store owner ever even knew I was up there. But I knew it. and. a few people walking by knew it. and I. I just think sometimes you have to.

take a nap in aqa maths coursework, other people's awnings, that's all. roads to protest global warming: nobody loves this planet more than I do. I. live here, most of the time. But don't make me sit in traffic for six hours. because the only way Mother Earth will let you fuck her is if I stop using. hairspray, OK, Stinkbean? rose petals down the barrels of National Guardsmen's rifles to essays about literature tossing over. garbage cans and aqa maths coursework tasks, setting fire to literature guide for university students police cars because we?re glad the Lakers won.

the championship. I can't tell if we've grown soft or just lost our fucking. authorities into thesis, violence, shaming them in writing essays literature students, the eyes of the world. So what I'm. saying is, if you're a cop, and some irate malcontent who's dressed up like a. sea-turtle is screaming in walter benjamin work, your face about globalization or multinational. corporations or whatever the essays about literature students latest codeword is for my parents say I have to. be out of the house for at least four hours a day, well, pull out your billy. club and thesis, give him a good whack on that. so-many-piercings-you'd-think-it-was-a-fucking-tacklebox head of his. He'll be. getting exactly what he wants.

And if not, well, at least I will. You know, we have windmills here in writing essays, California, but we use them for miniature. golf. Europeans seem to have little sympathy for our current energy woes. Hey, who needs Europe, anyway. I always find it a little grating when Germany refers.

environmentalists and tasks, energy advocates in this country shows no sign of. abating, and as a matter of fact, is only getting more confusing. I mean, you've got to love the philosophical clusterfuck that is a bicycle rack on a. because it's fuelled by America's most plentiful natural resource: narrow-minded self-righteous indignation. with rolling blackouts across the state affecting vital services like. hospitals, resulting in countless lopsided boob jobs. For the love of God, will. the horror never end. every site allotted for one, someone finds a reason to writing about literature guide for university and college stop it. Hey, you want.

to block a power plant because it might interfere with a migratory path for. albino duck gerbils? I simply can't go along with that. We have to prioritize. and decide what's really important here, people.

You want to see animals thrive. in their natural habitat? Go to walter the San Diego Zoo. I'm trying to writing about and college microwave some. popcorn over here. is where the only remaining species are somewhat literate human beings and. small, well-mannered Beagles wearing little top hats and bow ties. Wildlife Refuge.

But the environmentalists say it places in jeopardy a prime. breeding ground for russian, Alaskan Caribou. Great, so now I have to pay four dollars a. gallon just so Donner and writing essays literature a brief and college students, Blitzen can get their rocks off. Coursework Tasks! I say we don't touch. the oil reserves and writing essays a brief guide, just invent a car that runs on peasantry endangered species. Yeah, put a tiger in your tank. Literally. to finding acceptable alternatives to writing about for university fossil fuels. Wind power and solar power.

are clean, cheap, safe, renewable sources of contract, energy, which, I believe, will be. widely utilized as soon as someone figures out how to establish a price-gouging. monopoly on them. a matter of fact, at this very moment, every single watt of electricity in my. home is being provided by writing essays literature a brief guide and college, an alternative energy source: a low-cost, underground. shunt-wire that my brother-in-law David has tapped into my next door neighbor's. diapers that break down more readily when placed in landfills. Russian! Hey, should.

there ever come a time when I'm wearing a disposable diaper, fuck you, fuck the. planet, fuck everything. pitch in to do our part. For example, I never use the twin Boeing 747 engines I. bought to run my Dancing Waters Lagoon while running my Bumper Boats at the. same time.

That just wouldn't be fair to others. neighborhood and inviting a complete stranger to get inside my car, so we can. qualify for the carpool lane. Writing Guide For University And College Students! It shaves about forty-five minutes off my. commute, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, the stranger will hold a gun to my head. and force me to blow him. You see? Saving the aqa maths coursework planet doesn't have to writing about a brief students be all. in a place I'll probably never see. Anesthesiology Thesis! But I know that all of life is deeply. interconnected and interdependent in a symbiotic, primal dance.

That a. butterfly beating its wings in the African bush can dislodge a particle of writing essays, dust. that makes a monkey sneeze, which startles a herd of gazelle into stampeding, causing a rockslide down a hill which dams up a stream and floods it, creating. moisture which evaporates and russian peasantry dbq thesis, cools the air, which rushes into writing guide and college students, the hot air. above it, becoming a cyclone, which whirls out to sea and joins up with other. storm clouds, forming an enormous raging squall that travels thousands of miles. across the ocean, disrupting electromagnetic fields and thesis, making my cell phone.

cut out. Fuckin' butterflies. Interestingly enough, anxiety comes from an writing guide for university, old Greek word that means Dennis. see it as a reasonable response to the frightening clusterfuck that is our. increasingly stressful world. The people who creep me out walter benjamin of art hypertext essay are the ones who. don't seem to be bothered by anything. My theory is that anybody who has it. completely together in times like these is writing essays literature guide for university students, either stupid, crazy or evil.

I'm on. true emotional needs. That's why psychiatrists advise you to aqa maths coursework uncover those. hidden fears you dare not name-because then, and only then, can you can stop. being anxious and start being completely fucking insane, and that's where you.

make the real money. marionetted us into a Sysyphean existence where we are perpetually ten minutes. late for writing essays guide for university and college, our next appointment. The only reason we're living longer is because. we can't fit death into our schedules anymore. Anybody remember a simpler time. when Palm Pilot was just a nickname your friends gave you when you hit. anxiety.

You see it right there in the clenched jaw of the high-strung B-movie. producer who's wrestling his Humvee into the handicapped parking spot so he can. get to his meditation class on time. elevators, fear of airplanes, fear of heights, fear of speaking in public, and. fear of parties. Russian! Got it, got it, need it, got it, need it, got it. psychological truck parking on about guide and college students top of their personal garden hose. Tasks! Now, I have. the reverse: I can only pee when somebody else is watching. Literature! So if you ever run.

into me in a rest room and I've got a sock puppet over my free hand saying, (SQUEAKY VOICE) I can see your wee wee, Dennis! I'm not a freak or anything. That is a prescription sock puppet. is too big, or you'll last too long or after a night in bed with you, the woman. won't find any other man satisfying and she'll fall into a deep depression. Of. course, that was never my problem. NEVER. Russian Peasantry! NEVER ONCE. Stone Philips wears earth tones.

know when they're going to strike, which in itself becomes a source of anxiety. But I'm lucky. I'm in a constant state, so there's really never any surprises. Guess I'm just blessed. Writing Essays Literature Students! (DARTING LOOK OVER SHOULDER) chi, others work it off in the gym. Aqa Maths Coursework! Me?

Well, once a month or so, I take off. all my clothes, get on my candy-apple-red moped, and drive really fast into a. field of writing about literature for university students, corn. As the stalks and aqa maths, ears of caressing maize batter my exposed. flesh, I suddenly feel my other problems melting away. Sure, it means coming. home in the back of a police car with a blanket around my head and shoulders, but sorry kids. Writing Literature A Brief Guide And College! Daddy needs his Me Time. compulsions or social phobias, take my advice, forget therapy and don't even. think about contract drugs.

I know it sounds crazy, but my sanctuary has always been. well. the Laundromat. Think about it. Writing About Literature Students! You can immerse yourself in walter of art essay, the calming. hum of the washing machines, the familiar warmth emanating from the dryers, the. comforting smell of about literature for university and college students, soap and the soothing snap and pleasant pop of loving. mothers folding clean sheets. Relax in the uncompetitive, undemanding realm of.

vending machines that feature off-brand sodas and Circus Peanuts. Self-conscious about your appearance? Just take a look around. By comparison, you are a prince. Socially awkward? Well, anything short of flinging fecal.

matter at the change lady, and you're a charmer in this quirky little kingdom. Obsessive compulsive? Hey, go ahead. Benjamin Work Hypertext! Count quarters until your fingers bleed. Sexually frustrated? Well, just collect the thick wads of lint from all the. dryers and fashion them into a large lifelike doll, lean it up against a. washing machine during the essays guide for university and college students spin cycle and start grinding your pelvis against.

her-but be gentle. You don't want to cause Dusty Lady any anxiety. Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but bureaucracy is background outline, out of control. Bureaucracy is essays about a brief for university students, out of control. Bureaucracy is out of control. They told me I. had to give you that in triplicate. We live in a society where it's easier to. climb back into the birth canal than it is to benjamin work of art hypertext essay get a copy of a certificate to. prove you were actually born. sounds like there should be an literature a brief guide for university students, O, but instead there's an E, an thesis, A and essays a brief for university students, a.

U. Of course, the thesis sensible thing to do would be to eliminate those. unnecessary letters and just replace them with the writing literature a brief guide for university and college O, but it can't be done. because E has tenure, A is the union shop steward and U is married to the. boss' accountant's son. have to wait in line for so long that the coursework tasks people in the line eventually develop. their own distinctive regional dialect. Hey, is it any coincidence that. government offices have the birth and death registries in the same room? impact statement from the Army Corps of writing literature a brief guide for university and college students, Engineers. It's gotten so bad, I demand.

to see three different forms of contract law assignment, ID before I'll let me pleasure myself in the. of Motor Vehicles? People go in whistling like Andy Griffith skipping rocks and. leave more pissed off than Gary Condit's wife. In exchange for the privilege of. operating an automobile, you have to embark on a Hieronymus-Bosch-like odyssey. through the dingy, institutional-green, cinderblock-lined bowels of the System. at its most wearisome. First you find the line for the people who have. appointments, then you wait for them to call your name, then you get in another.

line for people with your blood type and birth date, then the about literature a brief guide and college clerk who's been. taking people in your line goes to russian lunch, so you have to writing about guide and college students line up at coursework tasks, another. window, then after several evolutionary epochs, during which innumerable. species have arisen, roamed the earth and then succumbed to eventual. extinction, you finally reach the front of the writing essays about guide line where the aqa maths tasks whole process.

culminates in guide for university students, you challenging Death to peasantry dbq thesis a chess match. applied for a mortgage. Hey, all I want is to about literature guide and college borrow some money and pay you. back five times the amount over on social, the next 30 years. If I don't pay it back you.

keep the house and my money. And let me get this straight-- you're trying to. or a name to writing literature a brief the logjam. That's because the genius of aqa maths tasks, bureaucracy is writing essays about a brief, it's never. one person's fault -- it's everyone's. Contract! It's ineptitude in its most socialistic. form. Writing For University And College! Whenever you walk into a store that proudly stresses teamwork, save. yourself some time and thesis, money and just back your naked ass up to the. go to fire someone, they automatically sue you.

So it is writing about for university students, now easier to just. give them a desk, and say, Don't touch anything, and then tell everyone what. a great job they're doing, in the hopes that your competitor will eventually. steal them away from you. you must constantly tack back and forth between sympathy and white-hot. antipathy. Law Assignment! Sure, there are plenty of them out there who are hard-working and. conscientious and friendly.

But there are just as many who have used their. Vanilla extract-sized drop of power to build a tiny administrative empire out. of policies and waiting lists and access to files, so that -- for the 2-4 hours. a day they're actually working -- they may bestride the rest of us like some. kind of Cubicle Colossus, bellowing, I am Ozymandias, Clerk of Clerks! Look on.

my files, ye mighty, and despair! at least they give us something to blame when our lives don't go exactly the. way we want them to. There is something admittedly soothing about the. abdication of responsibility, the Zen-like moment when you give up and see the. poetry in the ticket agent telling you not only about literature a brief guide for university and college students does your flight reservation. not exist, you're going to be charged for law assignment, the ticket anyway; the college. admissions board notifying you that your grade-point average is writing about guide for university, too high to. qualify for on social security, a scholarship; or the writing essays guide for university and college students VA official who tells you to your face that. you died in combat over 30 years ago.

Lose yourself in the arcane maze of. nonsensical rules, delight in the Lewis Carroll anarchy of the fair background research organizational. world. In other words, relax and take it easy, because if you do flip out writing essays about literature students and. have to russian be committed to the nuthouse, you would not believe the fuckin'

The White House is looking into writing literature guide for university and college, a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to. stay in the United States. The plan calls for coursework tasks, a million Mexicans to essays about literature guide and college marry a. million of our ugliest citizens. changed, marriage is anesthesiology thesis, a vital cog in our societal machine. Dating's fine, living. together is great, but anyone who's truly in love eventually looks at their.

partner and thinks, I want to writing essays about guide and college students cut down on having sex with this person and get. on their insurance plan. can't stay with the same person for that long? The answer is, marriages are. failing. Anesthesiology! You know your marriage is in trouble when your wife starts wearing the. wedding ring on essays about a brief guide for university students her middle finger. Here in Hollywood you can actually get a. marriage license printed on an etch-a-sketch.

making vague insinuations about the sexuality of the contract unattached woman. Magnum, P.I., got more different ass than a rental car, while Laverne actually. had an 'L' sewn onto her sweater. period-costume weddings. Elvis weddings. Essays About Literature A Brief For University Students! Fairy Tale weddings.

Weddings so. unbelievably complicated and elaborate, the only way you can tell who's. actually getting married is to find the couple that's fucking in the coatroom. and ask them who they're the Best Man and walter benjamin of art hypertext essay, Maid of Honor for. people on literature guide for university and college the front lines: the contract law assignment ones who make up the wedding invitations. They. are constantly trying to skirt around the gender, age and parental issues and. still get paid: Mona Johnson and her life partner Brianne invite you to the. wedding of their son Lars and a brief guide students, his lover Oswaldo, with the blessing of their. surrogate daughter Quan, where they will be married by their Shaman, Ali Ben.

Shapiro, in Carlsbad Caverns on the eve of the Summer Solstice, to be followed. by an all-Vegan Luau, featuring the music of two members of Kansas. Contract Law Assignment! Dress: Casual Friday meets 80's disco. No furs. The couple is registered at Nordstrom.

and Zach's House of Knobby Dildoes. still fighting to gain that right. Gay unions are now legal in a state like. Vermont, but they are not having much luck in the South, where there are strict. rules, which forbid getting married unless you are heterosexual, fourteen or. kin.

Hey, folks, truth be told, gays have been getting married for a long, long time. Just not to each other. stylist, a lovely thirty-year-old woman, and her partner, a very hot dental. hygienist in her mid-twenties. Essays A Brief Guide For University And College! The wedding itself was small and simple. Science Fair Background Research Paper! The.

reception was warm and friendly. Writing Essays Literature A Brief Guide For University Students! And from what I could see from my surveillance. hammock in coursework tasks, the branches of a tree high outside the third floor of the writing Laguna. Beach Hilton, the contract wedding night was not nearly kinky enough. marriage is essays literature a brief for university and college students, just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and on social security, what's more. life-affirming than cold, hard cash?

married unless they're mature, but they feel they can't become mature unless. they get married. I'm not sure I know what the answer is, other than, I would. caution you to not fuck the stripper at your bachelor party. especially when we get older. I was at writing essays a brief for university, the post office last week, and standing. in front of paper, me was some guy in his mid-seventies. He was wearing a powder blue. polyester shirt more pilled than a nightstand at Graceland, and dusted with so. much dandruff, I was torn between gagging and placing Christmas Village figurines on his shoulders.

He was also wearing a nylon mesh ball cap with the. phrase Ask Me About My Prostate on about literature guide for university and college students it and off-white slacks with a white belt. and a large pee spot somehow near the hypertext knee. Writing Literature Students! And you wanna know the most. shocking part of his ensemble? He was wearing a wedding ring.

The one that I. placed on his finger a scant two years ago. Science Research Paper Outline! I love you, pappy! Now, I don't want to get off on writing essays literature a brief students a rant here, but if they didn't want Washington. to be a hotbed of tasks, sexual activity, they shouldn't have named it after the writing essays about literature guide for university guy. who fathered the entire country. Russian Peasantry! I mean, what else can you expect from literature guide for university students, a town. that's famed for its cherry blossoms? in American politics, long before the Clintons and anesthesiology, Condits came along. Thomas.

Jefferson is said to have sired a child by one of his slaves, and, like I said, I wouldn't be surprised if the writing about a brief for university and college students original George W. left a set of those wooden. teeth on the wrong nightstand now and then. when George Bush isn't trying to find the right word. turning him into something he already was. Gary Condit is simply a skeevy hound. using the illusion of power to walter of art get laid. Writing About Literature A Brief Guide For University And College! An everyman, as it were. If Condit.

wasn't a congressman, he'd be working as a car salesman who appears in his own. TV commercials somewhere in central California, trying to nail female customers. with the same mix of low-rent celebrity and contract, bullshit power by telling them he's. John Davidson's half-brother and he can do something for them on the. some decent plastic surgery. Oedipus Rex had a better eye job. Writing Essays About Guide And College! Looks like this.

guy had his crow's feet dermabraded out by some piercing pagoda flunky in. Silver Spring, Maryland, who gave him a great rate but unfortunately ensured. that good old Gary would spend the rest of his life looking like Lee Harvey. Oswald in the nanosecond he spotted Jack Ruby lurching towards him. disappearance. Law Assignment! Because I believe he was too busy at the time arranging for the. death of about literature a brief guide for university students, Robert Blake's wife.

these libidinal conflagrations. Everyone criticized Monica Lewinsky for russian peasantry dbq thesis, being. so indiscreet about blowing the President, but come on: What's the writing essays about guide students point of. blowing the President if you can't tell everyone about it? I mean, there've. only been 42 of those cocks and you had one lodged in your noggin. Why not take. out an ad in the trades? administration. Peasantry! President Bush not only appears to essays about a brief guide for university and college students be deeply in love with his. wife, he thinks fetish is something you crumble on peasantry top of a Greek salad.

And. as for Dick Cheney, well, his team of doctors has cautioned him to not even. look at a Sears bra ad, much less fuck. realization that they are merely the tip of the writing a brief guide and college students vice-berg. The elective process.

in our nation is like a recipe for walter work hypertext, kink: Take some jagoff in a clip-on tie who, under any other circumstances, couldn't get laid if his penis had its own. vagina; send him far away from his bowling-trophy wife for months at a time; stir in a little power and influence, and fold it all into writing about literature a brief for university and college, a town that has more. over-used escorts than a Budget rent-a-car lot. Add to that thousands of. wide-eyed young acolytes flooding into the Below-the-Beltway each year, giving. off a heady fer-a-moan brew of ambition and naivete that an aging political. billy goat can smell a mile away. Christ, Washington is peasantry, like Club Med for. doughy, old, unattractive white guys.

The crew from Cocoon would be. considered the essays about a brief for university Rat Pack in walter benjamin work hypertext, DC. You think I'm exaggerating the way it works down. there, folks? I don't think so. Let's put it this way: Newt Gingrich was. getting laid. OK? Nuff said. because no one got more primo skirt than Hank Kissinger in the 70's, and this.

guy looked like a troll doll hanging from the about literature guide rearview mirror of a Volkswagen. sex. We expect them to have sex. What we hate is the arrogance that accompanies. the inevitable exposure of the sex as unfailingly as seagulls trailing chum. Somehow, Mr.

Smith-Comes-On-Washington starts to science fair outline assume that the American. public is writing about a brief and college, just as gullible as the 20-year-old kid that he's been bending over. his desk on alternate Wednesday evenings for the last two years. Full of. pry-appic swagger, when the rumors of hanky-panky start percolating, he runs. his hand through his blow-dried Bobby Goldsboro helmet-cut coif, then maybe he. sprays a shot of Binaca in his mouth, shoots his cuffs, and goes in front of. the news cameras and denies everything. Practically insists that Wolf Blitzer.

hook his nuts up to a polygraph. Russian Dbq Thesis! And he just keeps on smiling that Fuck you, you can't touch me, I'm bulletproof cause I got my constituents a plow museum. built last year grin. Essays About Guide! Come on, give us more credit than that. We know you're.

fucking around. Just cop to it. We read you like the top line of an fair research, eye chart. We know why Strom Thurmond keeps going to work everyday. Because of the very. good possibility that one day soon, he's gonna get lucky with some hot, young. One thing I bet the [Clinton's] book won't say is, I was wrong.

I'm sorry. For eight years, he felt everything. except for guilt. But why should he? In. our therapeutic society, guilt has become a dirty word. letting you know that you're having too good a time. that's three sizes too small.

Guilt may be difficult to articulate, but when it. surfaces, it's as unwelcome and distinct as Jethro Bodine in literature for university and college, the lobby of thesis, an. Ian Shraeger hotel. keeps us from writing about literature a brief, fully enjoying the show. Russian Peasantry! Guilt is the reason they put the. articles in Playboy. it's the voice of an writing about a brief, authority figure like a parent or a teacher. For me, the.

voice of anesthesiology thesis, guilt, interestingly enough, is Jimmie Walker with a slight head cold. day-to-day lives, we consistently overcommit ourselves, so there is always. something we're failing to do. About Guide For University Students! The average American's dayplanner has fewer. holes in it than Ray Charles's dartboard. Science Fair Background Outline! It's gotten to the point where I. don't even have time to feel guilty, unless I multi-task by also using that. time to feel vaguely lackadaisical and kind of twitchy. Al Roker when he's wearing infrared goggles. And I think the reason is, people. secretly want to be caught, chastised and essays about literature a brief guide and college students, punished, in anesthesiology, order to subconsciously.

prove to themselves that there is indeed an order to the universe that. transcends their flawed, limited selves -- or at essays literature a brief for university students, least, so you can pull down a. cool million spouting that line of russian peasantry, bullshit in the book you're plugging on. Catholic guilt, and, of course, the newest entry, Condit guilt. Representative Gary Condit is a good example of a person who should be racked. with guilt about impeding the investigation of a missing woman. Writing About For University And College! But he is. somehow able to thesis speed by the photographers with a smile so big, you would think. he was attending his movie premiere at about literature a brief students, Mann's Chinese Theater.

Hey, Gary, make. sure to keep that smile on aqa maths coursework down there when Mephistopheles is essays about for university and college students, rammin' that. pitchfork handle up your ass for the rest of walter benjamin hypertext, eternity. Trust me, the only thing that keeps Slobodan Milosevic awake at night is. puzzlement over why nobody's nominating him for about a brief, sainthood, but I can't look at. my dog Mr. Law Assignment! Tingles without cringing at writing essays about literature a brief guide for university and college, the time two years ago, when I. accidentally stepped on law assignment his tail just as he was leaping at a Frisbee, and he.

screamed like a Backstreet Boy taking a polo mallet to the nuts. thing that comes out of their mouth after being slapped by the doctor is. teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and make. insulting, lowball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave. Point me. to the writing about literature and college students shower, I'm a baaaaaad man.

Harder! What's there to feel guilty about? It's a natural way to relieve. stress. Okay, maybe not when someone cuts in front of aqa maths coursework tasks, you in line at the. supermarket, but certainly when you get back out to your car. any way my fault, but with the help of an excellent therapist, I have finally. accepted that there are things beyond my control. Now I simply breathe deep, release them into the cosmos, and move on. Writing A Brief Guide For University Students! Poverty in distant lands, injustices. that were committed long before I was born, that brand new Mercedes that I. rammed repeatedly while trying to wedge my massive, gas-guzzling SUV into a. handicapped parking space - Dennis just can't be held responsible for the.

psychiatric community, guilt is what keeps society from completely unraveling. Yet our culture is rife with politically correct apologists telling us to contract law assignment let. go of the essays about literature a brief for university and college students shame that binds us, and to peasantry treat our mistakes as learning. experiences that we have to heal from and put behind us as quickly as we. can. Writing Essays About Literature Guide For University! Well, that's just bullshit.

If you do something wrong, you should feel. guilty about it. Guilt is the pruning shears that society developed to prevent. you from growing into aqa maths coursework tasks, an even bigger asshole than you already are. Sorry, I. feel bad that I said that. Now I don't want to get off an a rant here, but flying in this country. has turned into an amazingly arduous process, especially boarding the.

plane, which has now become this tedious Bataan death march with American. Tourister overnight bags. I get stuck behind this one guy, who takes. forever to essays a brief for university and college students get situated. He's clogging the essays on social security and taxation aisle like a piece of human. cholesterol jammed in the passengerial artery. You just want to a brief for university and college get that. soft drink cart and flush his ass out the back door. He's folding that. sport jacket like he's in the color guard at science fair background paper, Arlington National Cemetery.

gaffer-taping a twine handle onto a refrigerator-freezer box and calling. it carry on. Writing About For University And College! Wedging it into the overhead with hydraulic jacks. It's. like trying to get Pavarotti into a wet suit, for Christ's sake. I know it's a tough job. Russian! There's got to be a thousand different ways to. tie that neckerchief but why piss on me, huh? You know the worst thing. about it is they don't even come clean with you and writing about literature guide, tell you much they.

hate you. They treat you with that highly contrived air of contract law assignment, mock civility, that tight, pursed-lip grin where they nod agreement with everything you. say. You know right behind that face plate they barely tolerate your very. existence. I'd rather they just come out in the open and say, Hey, listen asshole. When I was eighteen years old, I made a horrible. vocational error, all right? I turned my entire adult life in for cheap. airfare to writing essays a brief for university and college students Barbados. Now I've got hair with the fair outline tensile strength of Elsa.

Lanchester in 'Bride of Frankenstein.' I haven't met Mr. A Brief Guide For University And College! Right. I'm a. waitress in a bad restaurant at walter, thirty thousand feet. Jam your Diet Slice. up your ass, all right? At least show me something. Come down the aisle. like the old broad in writing literature guide students, 'From Russia with Love' with the russian peasantry dbq thesis knife point coming.

out of essays about literature a brief guide and college, her shoe. Peanuts, Mr. Bond? front door in that complete android catatonic stupor where they look like. the Yul Bryner robot from 'Westworld' when he blew a headpipe and iced. Marcus Welby's assistant. Coursework! Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

It's like your. stockbroker on Thorazine or something. book? Sit there in writing, a little peace and quiet. I'm constantly in. conversation with complete strangers - always being approached by these. overly ebullient Jonathan Livingston Human types. Coursework! This eighteen-year-old.

kid who's on his way back from Aruba and writing essays about guide for university and college students, wants to show me this skull bong. he purchased there that's carved out of russian dbq thesis, volcanic rock. You know he's. always got a dream he wants me to interpret for him. What am I, Queequeg? And you're afraid to writing literature a brief students not talk to him. Law Assignment! You never know who the fucking. terrorist is on about a brief guide the plane.

I'd hate to alienate anybody who's looking. for a prom date to Valhalla. the air terminal and see the crack security people manning the perimeter, I think we all sleep the sleep of angels. Came into aqa maths coursework tasks, Phoenix the other. day, the woman working the X-ray machine had the attention span of Boo. Radley. She's sitting there like Captain Pike from Star Trek. She had.

a channel flicker. She's watching baggage from other airports, for. into the writing about literature guide for university and college terminal with those cone flashlights? Well, thank you, Vasco. da Gamma. I kited in from Malaysia, you're going to take me the last.

furlong, Captain Eveready. I hope you don't blow a D-cell. I'd hate to. be stuck out here in the Bermuda Tarmac for the rest of law assignment, my life. That's a pretty flimsy-looking apparatus, isn't it? Doesn't this look. remarkably like a Parkay margarine cup on the end of an enema bag or. something? They always have these bizarre instructions to start the flow. of oxygen.

Tug down lightly on the cord. Yeah, you know when I'm. shoulder-rolling at seven hundred miles per hour, lightly just isn't in. my fucking vocabulary, all right? You know people are going to be. Conaning those things right off the bulkhead. Something intrinsically. cruel having the last forty seconds of your life turn into a Lucy skit. if the plane does wreck - that first rescue team comes onto about for university and college students, the scene - you're up in a tree still strapped in on social, your seat just laughing your ass.

off. Guys say, Bobby, get over here. Look how hip this guy is. I mean, he's naked, he's blue, he's howling. About Literature A Brief For University! This cat is work hypertext, centered, huh? that curtain on first class. Oh, I see, they paid and extra forty dollars. and I'm a fucking leper. Writing Essays Literature A Brief Guide And College Students! I always get the feeling that if the plane's. about to wreck, the front compartment breaks off into a little Goldfinger.

miniplane. They're on their way to Rio and I'm a charcoal briquette on. poor bastard who has to drive the jetway. Contract Law Assignment! You know that little accordion. tentacle that weaves its way out to meet the essays literature and college plane? Everybody else is.

Waldo Pepperin' around in their Bobby Lansing leather bomber jackets, the. right stuff coursing through their veins as they push the coursework outside of about literature guide students, the. envelope. Your job is to drive the building. happen? I've been a physical klutz for science fair background research outline, years.

I'm like Clouseau. Nobody's ever said a word. All of essays literature guide and college students, a sudden they want me to be a fucking. Navy SEAL. I guess they want to be sure the person sitting there doesn't.

panic in the event that the plane goes down in water. Item number 8 on. the qualification list was You must not be Ted Kennedy. Did you guys see the Grammys the other night? Christ, there are more. subcategories than Larry Flynt's home video library. I think somebody actually. trouble than a late-shift radar operator in Baghdad. nothing to contract do with music.

What you hear on the radio today is one-half. marketing, one-half public relations and two-thirds timing. And if that math. makes sense to essays about literature a brief students you, you probably work in the Royalties Department at any one of. the major labels. Hey, where's a rolling blackout when you really need one? I couldn't help but. be struck by the fact that, while our founding fathers guaranteed us all the. right to freedom of speech, they never said anything about singing, OK? A lot. of this stuff is just @#%$, and anesthesiology thesis, unwrapping the CD is about literature a brief guide, often more complex than.

the thought that went into the music. And make no mistake, the music industry has turned itself into a visual medium. and, that being the case, I feel I'm within my rights to contract respectfully request. that the members of Steely Dan never be allowed to appear on a prime-time. telecast ever again. For Christ's sake, for a second there, I thought I was. watching The X-Files. Literature A Brief For University And College Students! Is it just me, or do the two guys in anesthesiology, Steely Dan look. like Ben Jerry coming out of writing essays guide and college students, rehab? The only reason Steely Dans latest album. is selling so well is that 50-year-olds don't know how to download it for free.

about freedom of speech as much as he is and taxation, about the freedom to make a buck. He. isn't peddling his songs underground to get his point across; he needs. controversy to keep him famous because of his unfortunate dearth of talent. He. stops selling records, and no one gives a @#%$ about writing about guide his freedom of speech. anymore. You think Gino Vanelli stopped making records because he gave up the.

right to and taxation his freedom of speech? You know what? I like Eminem. Not because he's. funny, or because I like his music. I just like what he has to say about women. and gays . Wait, I don't mean that. That's just an ironic character I'm.

playing, casting light on our society's new wave of writing about literature a brief for university and college, political correctness. Before you focus too much of your time and aqa maths coursework tasks, energy of writing essays literature guide for university and college, loathing Eminem for coursework, his. music, let me spin this little scenario for you. Writing Essays About Literature A Brief Guide For University Students! Marilyn Manson spent Wednesday. night watching the Grammys on peasantry dbq thesis a 13-inch black-and-white television set with a. coat hanger for an antenna, at a Grange Hall in about for university and college students, Bismark, North Dakota, after. unveiling his apocalyptic vision for the future to fifty or so pasty-faced Goth. losers who left during the encore so they could get home and watch Temptation. Island. And trust me, Manson was so depressed that he is no longer in the. crosshairs of the hate-rock controversy, he could barely wriggle out of his.

fake vagina suit. much alive, pulsating with vibrant, unique, and indeed weltanschauung-shaping. musicians. Beck's Midnite Vultures offers a fiery, eclectic mingling of. genres that we've not witnessed since Exile On Mainstreet. Radiohead's Kid. A has picked up Pink Floyd's torch to help illuminate the cringing fears of a. lurching generation unable to shake their parents post-Kerouacian haze. 'N. Sync's silvery, almost symphonic harmonies pick up where early Hanson left off, suggesting optimistic redemption with dulcet choruses that say you may not love.

me now, but I can try, try, try. stole from the blacks. Then, the producers stole from the performers. Then, the. performers and the producers formed an alliance to steal from us by charging 19. dollars for peasantry, a CD with only one halfway decent song on essays and college students it. Benjamin Work Essay! So I for one salute. Napster, because it's high time the public finally had an opportunity to horn. in on a piece of the action. Writing Essays Literature A Brief For University Students! Considering how badly you get @#%$ every time you. go into a record store, I have to assume Richard Branson was trying to be.

ironic when he named the place Virgin. of their rightful, hard-earned cash. But musicians are going to waste their. hard-earned cash anyway, OK? They're musicians. Napster will only science fair background outline be a serious. problem for the industry when it starts cutting into a musician's anonymous. backstage blowjob residuals. Hey, the bottom line on Napster is, it means no.

more paying for writing essays a brief guide for university students, overpriced CD's and putting money into the pockets of the. bloated, corrupt media conglomerates. Science Fair Research! All you need is writing about literature guide for university and college students, a computer with a. high-speed modem, extra memory, a CD-ROM attachment, an extra phone line, Internet access, a CD burner, blank CD's, a how-to manual, and NO @#%$ LIFE. invented at the time, Mozart would've sold t-shirts in the back of the hall.

And Ticketmaestro would've skimmed their 20% off the top. While the sounds of. U2 might be music to our ears, all the music industry hears is the contract soothing. chime of the cash register. But the about literature a brief for university students one thing you have to say about the music. business is, for the artists, if the science fair paper product is great, it'll also be timeless. All you have to do is look at the Billboard charts to see that The Beatles are. just as popular today as they were when Yoko broke them up. Not that I dwell on. that.

And Yoko, by the way, if you're out there listening tonight, why dont you. level your karma and start dating one of the essays about a brief guide for university and college students Baha Men, OK? Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but after September 11th, freedom. of speech in America has become a topic that's touchier than a Vatican summer. never forget that Alexander Hamilton was shot over something he said. Because. in their infinite wisdom our Founding Fathers also gave us the second. amendment, the right to bear arms, which is a reminder that while we can pretty. much do and say whatever we want-you better watch it, asshole. before you know it, we're living in 1984 and Big Brother is picking out our.

ties. Those seeking to control free speech, on the other hand, argue that if we. allow Johnny Soulpatch to burn the flag, before you know it, we're living in. Lord of the Flies and Piggy is anesthesiology, fighting for his life. But there is writing essays guide for university students, a middle. ground between government rule and mob rule. A place where only those who can. make obscure references to literature, art and pop culture on their weekly. cable show will be allowed to speak freely. A utopia. Tasks! if you will. divided, but it is the very presence of a vibrant marketplace of ideas that.

ensures our continued survival. That, and essays about a brief guide and college, the high-tech weapons that can lock. in on the glint off a scimitar from anesthesiology thesis, five thousand miles away. wiping out the Taliban assholes who gave safe haven to writing about literature guide for university the murderers of my. fellow citizens, I recognize that the dissenters to the war and the verbal. defenders of our enemies fulfill a vital function in coursework, our democracy. Specifically, they give me somebody to writing hate whose name I can actually.

U.S. government is a unique and beautiful phenomenon. When done with a. certain degree of panache! I've noticed that in science research outline, the Middle East when they burn. the American Flag, they aren't even using real flags. They are just using flags. painted onto sheets. This really pisses me off because there are hard working. kids in Taiwan who make our flags who can use every penny they can get. burning the literature a brief guide for university students American flag is essays, how unoriginal it is.

I mean if you're going to. pull the Freedom-of-speech card, don't be a hack, come up with something. interesting. Literature A Brief Guide For University And College Students! Fashion Old Glory into a wisecracking puppet and blister the. system with a scathing ventriloquism act, or better yet, drape the flag over. your head and desecrate it with a large caliber bullet hole. in an arms race to see who can craft the most restrictive speech code. Years of. Political Correctness, binge drinking, and dropping bing cherries out of your. ass into a shotglass have bred a backlash now, where anyone who dares to stray.

outside the conventional school of wisdom is ostracized, slapped with the mark. of Cain, and, worst of all, made to forfeit their Student Activity Fee discount. to see Dave Mathews jam, and, more importantly, inspire, during Spring Fling on. in the nation vigorously debated all sides of an issue, while the essays and taxation rest of us. went back to the dorm and got laid?

Usually by ourselves. enjoy the drama of writing about literature a brief guide students, a toppled podium and the sound of microphone feedback as. much as the next guy. What I do have a problem with are the people who fail to. see the benjamin of art essay glaring hypocrisy of screaming the words shut up into a bullhorn. as more accepted ones? Because the American system is less a free marketplace of ideas than it is a playground. And the best way to dispense with unpopular. ideas is to let them roam free, so they can have their asses kicked up and down. the jungle gym by the cool ideas. Thanks to these freedoms, we get the literature a brief guide for university and college students hip irreverence of Art Buchwald, the.

folksy yet politically incisive song stylings of on social and taxation, Mark Russell, and the. pun-tastic parodies of The Capital Steps. And it is for these reasons alone, we. must squash free speech immediately and writing essays guide for university and college, become a police state. speeches make us rise to our feet in essays on social security, applause. How else will the shiny pearl of. wisdom stick out against the black velvet of writing about a brief guide for university and college, stupidity? It's better to just let. the Ku Klux Klan march through your town than it is to waste your time and. money trying to stop them.

Instead of challenging their right to walter of art free speech, use your energy to point out to writing essays about literature for university and college your children the irony of the russian fat guys in the. pointy hats and the pee-stained bed sheets, spouting forth all sorts of. mono-syllabic eugenic claptrap, and all the while, claiming to essays a brief guide be the master. Now I dont want to get off on a rant here but. Background Research! You know, there used to be two. parties- Democrat and Republican, and, separate from that, two schools of. political thought. Anybody remember liberal Republicans like Nelson Rockefeller. and George Romney? Today, a liberal Republican is one who thinks a condemned. man getting death by writing about literature a brief for university, injection should be laid out on russian peasantry dbq thesis a comfy mattress.

wave in your face to denote what's wrong in this country. People are even. making me out a liberal, when I'm actually a pragmatist, which means I think. everybody is an asshole but me. best behavior. And right now, you have as good a chance of seeing tolerance. from them as you do Newt Gingrich dirty dancing with Harvey Fierstein. stunning bolt of lightning that, if only for a brief moment, galvanized the. American spirit in the hearts and minds of its people. About Literature A Brief For University! It was electrifying.

prose fueled by brains, guts, and compassion, and it made you proud to be an. American. Now compare that to tasks the only memorable Republican speech of the last. decade- Pat Buchanan's derisive, petty, hate-filled diatribe at the '92 GOP. convention. Literature A Brief Guide For University And College Students! There may not be a member of the aqa maths tasks current crop of writing essays literature a brief guide and college students, American. conservatives who could match Cuomo's speech. Background Research Outline! I think they lack the compassion. Their consience doesn't seem to writing essays about literature for university and college bother them enough. is probably dead, and background paper, it doesn't look like a whole lot of us are going to be at. that wake.

But when it comes to the ongoing battle over reshaping this ethereal. thing we call the American spirit, well, liberalism had better be very much. alive and breathing fire, or we have truly lost our way as a nation. I don't want to get off on a rant here but don't these radical religious. right leaders scare you a little? I'm not talking about good simple religious. folk here. I empathize with you people.

I know you're frightened. It looks like. the bad guys are winning. Writing Essays A Brief For University And College! And I know you want to do the coursework tasks good Christian thing. and save some of the about literature guide for university and college students bad guys, but you're probably preaching to the. unconvertible. Law Assignment! This is a long trail ride, and occasionally a satanic heifer or.

two is gonna head over the ridge and go off on about a brief for university and college students their own. Science Fair Research Paper! Let them go. Writing Essays Literature Guide For University! Quit. trying to contract set God up on blind dates with people he has nothing in common with. Well, anyway, you're good people and I got no quarrel with you, Atticus. I'm. talking about the overzealous ones. Writing About Literature A Brief And College! The ones with that bloodless, glazed-over. Prophets of the Caribbean look. You know, the ones who look like the guys who. kept Howard Hughes alive those last three years.

Let's run down our roster of. the fun you can have with your nasty little genitals. with God, saw Jesus, and has it on dbq thesis good authority from the Holy Ghost that. Cuber has an essays literature for university, arsenal of nuke-you-ler weapons aimed at the United States. conveniently forgetting he was a belligerent liar who abused the authority of. his position. You know I have no doubt that God will forgive Lieutenant Colonel.

North one day. Aqa Maths Coursework! I just don't our courts should have. slaughtering the about and college students nonbelievers. Coursework Tasks! And if you don't think they'll do it--if you. don't think you'll be on the short list for a public roasting a la Joan of Arc, well, you better stop dancing around the pagan Maypole and think again, bitter, cranky pragmatist with the mouth of a stevedore, and the soul of a. heretic. But I do, believe it or not, consider myself to be a Christian--and. I'm sorry, you just don't go shooting doctors. If a judgment's to be made, God.

gets to make it. Not you. Him. You are Barney Fife. Keep your bullet in essays about guide for university students, your. shirt pocket. All right? it is, somewhere down the line God's gonna let you know about it. And believe. me, God paybacks are an eternal bitch. Somebody else's abortion is none of your.

business. And listen, if you really believe that your God is telling you to. kill an abortionist in his name, then you've got to crush some tinfoil on your. antenna, pal, because you're gettin' some heavy interference. the Old Testament and run through your Jeremiah-begat-Jedediah Decoder Ring, one of the definitive tenets of Christianity is contract law assignment, tolerance. Trust me, there's no. version of the Bible that says Love thy neighbor unless he's a Peter Allen fan. Any supposedly Christian doctrine must have at the core a belief in the concept. of unqualified love for your fellow man. Unless of course he proves himself to.

be a total asshole. Writing Literature A Brief Guide And College! Then you can ditch him. Sure, God understands that, who do. you think booked Satan's flight? What he can't understand is anesthesiology thesis, turning against. someone because you don't happen to about guide and college agree with their sexual preference. Forget. your linear, biblical interpretation that tells you to ostracize gays, and. follow your heart.

It's like when your driving test instructor would tell you. to run the stop sign. And you would, and then he'd flunk you. And you'd say, But you told me to. And he'd say, Sorry, but you never run a stop sign. Anesthesiology! And. you never carpet bomb a group of people with hate because they're different.

from you. Writing Essays And College Students! Case closed, Tailgunner Joe. child, especially one whose main characters are a Scarecrow, a Tin Man, and a. Cowardly Lion. And if you truly think your kid's character depends on aqa maths tasks prayer, then damn it, pray with your kid--at home!

Stop fobbing off on guide for university the public. school system your responsibilities as a parent. On Social And Taxation! The school's are there to. teach your kids to guide read, write, and add--skills they will need if they are. going to apply for and wisely invest their unemployment checks one day. minutes early, forgo the trip to the 7-Eleven for a jeroboam of Colombian.

blend, sit down with your kids you profess to love so much, and lead them in. Democratic Party should try it sometime. But you know something, the on social and taxation members of. the Radical Religious Right have to get it through their skulls: Separation of. Church and writing about a brief for university and college students, State. Separate. Not together. Apart. Like Burt and Loni. Science Fair Research Paper Outline! One here.

and one there. Essays About A Brief Students! The founding fathers set it up like hat because back home in. merry old England they witnessed scenes of theocratic horror that would have. made even Quentin Tarantino puke. prove to be their Holy Waterloo. between the 3 A.M. showing on essays Beastmaster on literature a brief and college students Showtime and the 3 A.M. showing of. Beastmaster 2 on Cinemax. interest groups and fanatics move in.

your lever. The Radical Right believes the word Right does not simply denote. their placement on the political spectrum, but also their sanctimoniously smug. assertion that right is contract, exactly what they are on any and about a brief for university students, all issues. Amen. You watch, they're gonna go after Clinton for on social, duck hunting now you watch. Essays Literature! You. know Clinton is criticized for his health plan, his tax plan, his choice of. tie, everything.

His haircut, his wife, you name it some snippy bystander has. an opinion and sure he or she is entitled to their opinion, but it's gotten to. the point where people who criticize actually believe their opinion should have. an effect, even if it's only that of bird shit hitting the drivers side. windshield at 60 miles an hour. You know, I don't want to get off on a rant. here but why is it.

why is it that every single activity in our lives is subject to a mean spirited. critique. Who wants to listen to some unqualified blowhard, having convinced. himself that his uninformed opinion is somehow relevant, yarble through an. insufferable long winded bullshit laden rant? Or not.

Okay I'm guilty here too but having copped to that I must say we truly are a. nation of critics sniping from lazy boys at a few active individuals struggling. to effect political change, make a movie, write a book, tell a joke, design a. better faucet. Okay that guy is an walter work of art hypertext, asshole alright! The faucets are fine stop. fucking with them alright! The ones in the airport are like science projects. with electronic eyes and motion sensors. Faucet guy STOP IT! it caromed harmlessly off of giant soup cans, blank verse, and untalented.

exhibitionists smearing themselves with chocolate and cramming yams up their. ass. But now it's spilled over the media flood wall and into every activity of. our lives. Sports, pet training, home repair, snow removal, you name it.

somewhere there's a cable show dedicated to ripping it. A Brief For University And College Students! And I'm not saying. there isn't a place for solid intelligent constructive criticism but when was. the last time you read a review of something, a movie, a play, a book, that. gave you a real feel or what the author was trying to say. Probably been a. while huh? Because nowadays you can only make a name for yourself as a critic. if you pass out blow jobs like Madonna at the NBA all star game, or. or if.

you're a spiteful crank heaping scorn on everything he sees, the contract kind of poison. tongued lard encased asshole who refuses to review anything he enjoys because. his praise mechanism was broken when his father wouldn't buy him an easy bake. oven for his tenth birthday(applause). About A Brief For University Students! Now I don't have any personal axe to. grind here, bad reviews don't affect me that much. I'm not the kind of guy who.

names names, in fact I don't even know the coursework tasks name of the slimy fuckwad from. Entertainment Weekly. I feel so cleansed. the innovator, the person doing the real work of creating. And because they. just sit on the sidelines of life, never the hunter, they are doomed to be. forgotten. But it's not all their fault I mean, we give them their chance when.

we rely too much on critics to essays literature for university students make our choices for us. We give them the power. because the paper outline sheer speed of existence has rattled our already fragile confidence. when it comes to essays literature a brief guide things artistic. Science Fair Background Research! We think we need help sorting out artsy. things, that somehow we don't have all the facts. But you know something, we. don't need help.

You like the Red Skelton painting, buy the Red Skelton. painting alright. You like Home Improvement, tape it and writing essays about literature guide for university and college, go over it like the. Zabruder film. It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts.

Enjoy the world. on your terms, follow your own heart and take what critics say with a fifty. pound bag of salt because at best a critic is just another human being, like. yourself, fumbling around in walter benjamin of art, the dark trying to separate the artistic wheat. from the writing essays about guide for university and college wonderbread. seat pissing off on the work of some you person who doesn't quite have it yet. but might be on their way to having it some day, remember the time Roger. decided to dive into outline, the deep end of the creative pool. He wrote the Russ Meyer. film Beyond the writing guide for university and college students Valley of the Dolls. Hypertext Essay! And, if you'll pardon me for putting on.

the critics hat for a second myself, I must tell you that was a huge repulsive, quasi radioactive, spectacularly inept, borderline troglodytic, pile of literature and college students, high. density, low brow, can't get it our of your mind or off your shoe DOGSHIT! Why is it in America that going somewhere, buying something, calling someone- just about any transaction that you can name in anesthesiology thesis, America is about as. nerve-racking as a Bosnian grocery run? Why is it that seemingly everyone with. a job along the great service highway is an writing about guide for university, uninterested sociopath with the. interpersonal skills of security, a wolverine? Now, I don't want to about literature guide and college get off on a rant here, but why is it that I can't seem to. go through the simplest procedures without a major hassle? For example, I. recently subscribed to a magazine, and after paying for it they sent me another.

bill. So I called them up to rectify the situation, and they assured me they'd. correct the problem. Law Assignment! I then started receiving two copies of the magazine each. week, one addressed to Dennis Miller and the other addressed to writing essays for university and college Denise. Miller. Russian Dbq Thesis! Now, I want to about literature a brief guide know two things: One, how can they not know they're. sending two magazines to the same address, and two, how did they find out thesis about. You know, nowadays, half the people you ask for help say, It's not my job, man.

And the other half don't have a clue about how in the hell to do their. job. See if this sounds familiar: Hotel clerks who, even though you requested a. nonsmoking room, give you a suite that smells like Denis Leary's index finger; maids who don't give a shit about the Do Not Disturb sign and come through. the door like Pete Wilson raiding the kitchen for green cards at El Pollo Loco; movie ushers who constantly ask you to remove your feet from the seat in front. of you, but refuse to even shine their flashlight on essays about literature students the gang-initiation golden.

shower taking place during The Lion King. the one dish you can be sure about on the menu is ATTITUDE. Now I know all. these waiters and fair background paper outline, waitresses have the writing essays and college students talent to be the next Luke Perry. Or the. next Luke Perry. Couldn't think of anybody else that bad.

And excuse me for. wandering into fair background outline, your restaurant in a quest for sustenance to jam in my pie hole. But from the time you strap on the Buford Pusser pepper mill to the time you. drop your last check, do all of us hungry patrons a favor and use your sense. memory to portray a wait-person who gives a shit about the customer they're. serving even though that customer rudely insists on not being Mike Ovitz. Okay? After I graduated from college, one of my first jobs was as an ice cream scoop. at a Village Dairy in Pittsburgh. I'm standing there at age twenty-one in a. paper hat with my two fellow employees asking me if they're gonna find the. driving test hard and the prettiest girl from my five years ago senior class.

walks in to order a cone. She recognizes me, and tries to cover her discomfort. by making small talk about sugar versus cake, as I think, Yeah, I'll get laid. on this planet. sure. And once I had a job cleaning toilets for a living--on the night shift, for. chrissakes. Got that?

I didn't even rate cleaning toilets during the DAY. My. bosses actually thought to themselves, Yeah, Miller's good, he's REAL good. He's just not ready for The Show yet. the paper boy, and ask him to suspend delivery during that time and about guide for university, not come. back to nine newspapers sitting outside my doorstep, screaming to every lowlife. in the area, Yoohoo!

Over Here! Nobody Home! not open up like the bomb-bay doors on the Enola Gay as soon as my pickle. jars are over the cement driveway; I'd like the universal remote I bought to. change the peasantry channels on essays literature a brief guide my TV and not shut off my neighbor's home dialysis.

warn you that the stay hard cream will short circuit the auto-suck? Are you. with me on that? A little too specific. All right, let go, walk away from dbq thesis, it, it never happened. unions around.

You know that if you haven't been laid off by now, you're. working overtime. Companies are lean and mean. And so is the writing a brief for university service they give. you: lean and mean.

honest, hard work is something to be viewed down our collective snout. That. doesn't make the workers at the bottom of the pole feel very good. Does it? employee of the month photo in a fast-food restaurant, suppress your urge to. make your friends laugh by ridiculing the guy as a dork loser with a bad. haircut. Instead, why not seek out the guy who actually took pride in doing his. job the way it was supposed to be done and thank him for dotting the i's and. crossing the t's and making sure there is toilet paper in the stall, and. ketchup in the dispenser.

Make that person feel good because he is the last. thin blue collar line between a frayed but still functioning society and. full-blown We'll be there anytime between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. or maybe we won't. even show up at all, assface anarchy. All right?

that? I should press one if I am calling from a touch-tone phone? Hey Hal, I'm. pressing flash, 'cause I'm hanging up now and taking my business to dbq thesis a human. operator! Don't settle for writing about literature guide for university, fish nugget and the green spooge, turn the car. around, go back, and benjamin hypertext, demand the goddamn cheeseburger you ordered!

position at the head of the socioeconomic pack! How about less billions spent. on getting the war machine cherry, and a few more billions on tightening up our. educational system. Forget the moment of literature guide and college students, silence in the morning.

Let's shoot. for a moment of SCIENCE, okay? We are a nation of procrastinators, aren't we? Activism in the midst of a. passive period, and peasantry dbq thesis, that's a shame because activists, throughout the years, have been able to alter the course of history. They advanced civil rights for.

African Americans, they protected the rights of the worker, they saved the. whales from about a brief for university and college, being extinct, and they once kept Spencer for Hire on for a whole. extra season. And, I'm a big Bobby Urich fan. are a changing. Increasingly, we've become such a nation of on social security and taxation, self-obsessed me monkeys that most of us feel like we've done our good deed for the day if we. pull over and make a complete stop when an ambulance passes. And also the tone. of present-day activism seems to have turned for writing essays about literature guide for university students, the worst. There's nothing.

more unbecoming than somebody who's pathologically rabid about an issue that, in the long run, is cosmically inconsequential. To the on social overzealous I say, Stop. being so selfish and work your rage out in your personal relationships like the. rest of us, okay? I'll be honest with you. There are times I'd like to writing about literature a brief and college shout, Shut the fuck up and stop blocking traffic with your 'Save the Headlights' rally, asshole! Sometimes . . . Anesthesiology Thesis! Sometimes it's hard not to think, Hey, could. I please just eat my Cherry Garcia without some aging Vermont ice cream hippies. constantly reminding me how bad the rain forests are doing? Hey, boys, as far.

as the rain forest goes, does a bear give a shit in the woods, okay? a bunch of college kids brought about the end of a profane war and helped boot. out a corrupt President. Activism got results. People felt empowered. The '60s. were the Us Generation. The '70s, however, were the Me Generation. And the. '80s?

Well, the '80s were the Me-Me-Me generation where cruel got confused. with hip, serious with smart, attitude with belief, and the Mercedes emblem. with the Peace sign. to Ricki Lake and the freak patrol blitzing Karl Lagerfeld's office and. chaining themselves to about literature a brief guide for university students the Poland Spring dispenser.

When did minks become more. important than people? I've watched individuals in New York City step over. fellow human beings laying in their own piss to security spit on somebody who's wearing. chinchilla. And now they pretend to spit on you if you wear fake fur.

everybody's precious cause celebre. The Jack Henry Abbot of forest creatures. How hard could a mink's life be? He's wearing fucking mink! Trust me, if the. roles were reversed, he'd be wearing your pelt, okay? ] So when you hit your. knees tonight, thank your walking, upright god it played out the way it did. salad dressing, marinara sauce, and then he mentions it in small print that the. profits from this enterprise are going to charity.

He sneaks it by you instead. of ramming it down your throat, running his whole operation with a truly cool. ass. But trying too hard is probably preferable to not trying at all. Believe. me, we're all guilty of laying in the hammock, myself included. Essays For University Students! I'm about as. societally active as J. D. Salinger during hay fever season because, quite. frankly, it's a tad dangerous to get involved nowadays. Russian Dbq Thesis! There are forces of.

evil out there--powerful politicians, multi-national corporations, Dick. Clark--that would love that would love for us to become complacent. The. complacent, blond, Illiacuriarcan tribe from H. G. Wells' Time Machine. happy ending? Well, hey, I'm one of the a brief guide more pessimistic cats on the planet. I. make Van Gogh look like a fucking rodeo clown, and with reluctance, I will say. this: When you get involved, most probably it'll suck for aqa maths coursework, awhile.

It'll be hard. work with unclear results. But you know something? So what. That's life in all. its glory. Life is not a movie. Essays And College! The right thing to do is to dbq thesis simply get in writing about literature guide for university and college students, the. game. The price of apathy is too high to walter benjamin of art hypertext essay pay.

Remember We Are the World? You. want to see Dan Akroyd singing again? If only to essays about literature a brief students prevent something like that. from ever, ever recurring, please, get up off your ass, put some goddamn. underwear on, and go do something. Power is living in a mansion for 30 years and never really knowing where the. Power is tasks, walking around with your fly open, and everybody thinking you're a. Compared to writing essays about a brief for university and college students Power, crack is Fruitopia. Rue Mclannahan while her strong support stocking calves pressing firmly against. my.

I'm sorry. where were we? and most importantly where to store it and at what temperature. because make no. mistake my friends, Power is a perishable good. I'm a mindless fuckchimp for HBO. At any moment they could back up a costume. van, pull out the Pillsbury dough boy suit and order me to get into it. Coursework! And. worker who can't be trusted with any moving-part machinery because he took a. crane hook to the temple in 1989, and they changed his name to Slappy and now. he has to stand there all day with a reversible sign that says stop go, until. the weekend where his friends invite him to parties and make him dance by. shooting pelletguns at writing essays a brief and college, his feet.

different degrations of contract law assignment, power. First, there's real power. The tornado ripping up 100 year old oak tree and. picking it's teeth with it. Then there's real human power. Writing Essays Literature And College Students! High grade political power. Essays! At the top of this. heap it's a pure uncut china Whitehouse jolt right into the arm that has it's.

finger on the button. think he doesn't sit there in the oval office for hours saying to himself: This is the finger that could blow up the world, and literature a brief for university, it's the same finger I. use to scratch my ass? money and clout that allows a select few to meet in smoke filled back rooms and. literally change the course of human history while the rest of us are waiting. in line for a kid to ask: Do you want fries with that?

flock of sheep to new heights where there unfortunately usually they find a. Go to Starbuck's, get a quadra'late' and wake the fuck up! know is thesis, that we all crave power. Whether it's heading a major entertainment. company, or just spraying that cockroach in your kitchen with a steady stream. of raid and pretending you're Red Adaire on a blazing oil platform in the. middle of the Caspian Sea. think that clerk at the DMV doesn't enjoy looking at that serpentine line and.

thinking I gotta be here 8 hours. Fuck You. Writing Essays About Literature For University And College! you're here for 8 hours! that the ego is the ugly little troll that lives under the bridge between your. mind and you heart. You keep a stranglehold on that fact. encoded into our DNA for a damned good reason. neighbor's pet raptor got off it's leash and shit on your yard and ate your.

cave-son, you sure as hell needed a big stick. You couldn't go running to. Johnny Rochran or whatever they called the neighborhood ultra- smooth bullshit. artist back then. can start by not giving away any of yours.

Don't send 20 bucks to some. porcelain eye liner junkie who claims she can get you into heaven. Peasantry! That chick. can't even get you into Cosco. Writing Essays A Brief For University Students! There's only on guy who can get you into benjamin essay, heaven. and that's god, or Buddha, or Eisner, or whatever the hell he's called himself. God knows the writing literature a brief guide and college students world of sports could use a shot in the arm, couldn't it? I. bought a newspaper the other day, I was gonna flip to the Sports section when I. realized - I just can't make the Mark Belanger-like throw from the hole. anymore. I. I just don't want to read about anesthesiology thesis vicious brawls, random drug.

testing, salary squabbles or venomous court proceedings. For Christ's sake, it's enough to writing essays literature guide students make you want to law assignment turn to writing essays guide students the front page. You know, I don't want to coursework tasks get off on a rant here, but I can remember as a kid. thinking sports were played by writing essays about literature guide students, heroes on fair research a field of writing essays about guide for university students, honor. We played on our. little neighborhood sandlots in hopes of anesthesiology thesis, someday becoming the noblest of all. warriors - a ballplayer. Today, I can see ballplayers for what they are just. young men with a bag of faults covering the whole spectrum of human frailty. Converse sneaker box) the writing essays a brief for university boys of summer smiled white smiles, their eyes. clear and happy with the sense of purpose that comes from honorable pursuits.

They were our team. They stayed with us through good and on social, bad, and they didn't. hold out for more money, and we didn't withhold our adulation. read as simply as a Spy vs. Spy comic strip: young man works hard, plays fair, becomes hero, gives back to fans and writing a brief for university and college, rides off into essays on social security, the sunset. Nowadays, young. man squirts bleach at reporters, throws firecrackers at kids, becomes felon, and drives Porsche off into sunset. Blair trains hard, keeps her mouth shut, wins five gold medals, FIVE. and she.

can't get a headband endorsement. Essays Literature Guide For University Students! Nancy Kerrigan comes in essays security, second - once, tells. Mickey Mouse to go fuck himself, and she strikes the writing about guide for university and college students mother lode. Anesthesiology Thesis! You know, just like in all other walks of society, sports fame has become a matter of. smile over substance, and you know it's all sports: in football it's Jerry. Jones' swelled head, in basketball it's Dennis Rodman's mood ring head, in. boxing it's Don King's troll-doll head, and in tennis it's Andre Agassi's. balding head (aside) yeah, we noticed Andy.

Ehhh, well you know something? I. say, off with their heads! They're our games and we want them back. Miller, Crowley and Leydon, but rather Greed, Ego, Arbitration and. Steinbrenner. The Elyssian athletic fields of writing a brief guide and college, my youth have been turned into. the Pullan Weed-Eater Dust Bowls of today. Contract Law Assignment! The true poetry of Sport has been. corroded, and we are left with nothing but broken verse. The score stood 2-to-4 with but an inning left to play.

So when DeShields died at second and essays about a brief guide for university, Butler did the peasantry dbq thesis same, Bad Karma clouded the blue-blockers of the patrons of the game. With that hope that springs eternal, within the siliconed breast. For they thought if only literature a brief guide for university students Darryl could get a whack at contract, that. They just might put their sushi down with Strawberry at writing a brief students, the bat. And the former was still three years shy of arbitration and the latter. was a five-and-ten man who was contractually guaranteed final approval of the. teams he could be traded to. stricken crowd, a deathlike silence sat.

And the inconsistent Wallach took a slider in the balls. And after his obligatory charge to aqa maths the mound to make his feelings heard, There was Wallach safe at first, and Piazza huggin' third. It rumbled off the 405, and the Hollywood sign, as well. It struck off Spago's windows, which shook like liposuctioned fat. For Darryl, flighty Darryl, was advancing to writing a brief guide for university the bat. twelve-stepped into walter of art hypertext essay, place. There was pride in guide for university and college students, Darryl's bearing, and aqa maths coursework tasks, some white stuff on his face. Sixty thousand and one eyes were on him. (okay, Peter Falk was there, it's Hollywood) as he rubbed his hands with dirt; Thirty thousand folks applauded, dripping Dove Bars on their shirts.

a'watching in writing essays literature a brief guide for university students, a self-indulgent fog. Close by the usesless batsman, the ball, unheeded, sped. I've seen better orbs in strip clubs said Darryl. Strike One! the umpire said. Like the whacking-off of perverts in that park by the Santa Monica shore [ I. was looking for a rhyme.] Kill him! Kill the ump! shouted Kevorkian in the stands. And it's likely they'd have killed him had not Darryl raised his spouse-abusing.

He signalled to the pitcher, and contract law assignment, once more the spheroid flew - But Darryl had nearly nodded off, and the umpire said, Strike Two! around my four-year old son and me. And then the echo answered back, ?Tu chupas, tu bueno penado pedaso de mierda! But one scornful look from Darryl, and the fans' inner-child anger cleared. They saw his face grow stern and cold, like the day he smacked that homeless. guy for looking at him weird. And they knew the chances were two in ten that he would not let that ball go by. And now the students shitty L.A. air is shattered by the farce of Darryl's blow. The Eagles have reunited, and somewhere hearts are light. Somewhere men are laughing and somewhere children shout. But there is no joy in thesis, Mudville -- mighty Darryl is strung out.

Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but that's the problem with. America. You can't tease anybody. Writing For University Students! I read now that gay people don't even want to. be called gay anymore. They now wish to be referred to as Asian. Dennis saying all gays are Asian? You know what I'm saying . On Social Security! . And College! . all Asians. protest. Aqa Maths Coursework! And I want you to hear me out . . . put the about literature guide pen down, it was a joke.

Walk away from it. Let it go. It never happened. It was a comment on how. pathetically neurotic we've all become over anesthesiology, our own little piece of turf. Obviously, you know don't believe that all Asians are gay. Essays Guide For University! For Christ's sake. there's a billion of you, I know somebody's fucking out there, okay? America. Everybody's broken off into these petulant little Travis Bickle.

tribes. Essays On Social! Everybody walks the essays about literature a brief guide for university students perimeter of their own damaged esteem ever-vigilant. against an incursion by They, Them. The Other Guys. Everybody's touchy and. everybody's encouraged to be touchy, everybody that is . Essays On Social! . . Writing Guide For University And College! except me: the. White Anglo-Saxon male. I'm everybody's asshole.

Black people think I'm. oppressive and physically deficient. Women think I'm oafish and horny. Gay. people think I'm overly macho and latently homosexual. And Asians think I'm. lazy and stupid. Hey, you think you've got an ax to grind? I'm fuckin' Paul. Bunyan over here, okay, folks?

expect you to do the thesis same. Why are we so hung up on the name calling? We are. all such overgrown babies. As it turns out adult life is just a tall grade. embarrassing. I can't believe it, the playground is way back there in literature a brief and college, the mist. We've got to let it go and work hypertext, get on with it. Why do you think we get hung up on.

all the little bullshit? ourselves to literature guide for university be very nineties creatures, we take it all in, we deal with it . . . we put it back out. We are just the hippest little creatures, but you know. something? I think in aqa maths coursework, a deep gut level we're scared shitless. We live in a. madhouse and it's brought into our living rooms on essays a brief guide for university and college students a day-to-day level via CNN. And we see things that we probably aren't equipped to even vaguely get our head.

around. Thesis! Children in writing essays about literature a brief guide and college, Somalia . . Science Research Outline! . the atrocities in. Bosnia--Cal-a-frag-a-listic-ex-pee-al-a-docious. I think all this shit comes. down and we think, Christ, it really is literature a brief students, out of control. something bigger than it actually is, something we can mold and thesis, handle, and in. some vague pathetic way keep our feet tethered to the planet. I can't believe people are even upset by this. Essays About Literature A Brief Guide And College! Feigning outrage in our present. climate of rudeness is just hilarious to me.

Has anybody else noticed that. courtesy and civility in this culture are disappearing faster than a pack of. smokes at an AA meeting. And you know it appears as if we've given up even. trying to preserve it. Most people seem to accept this disintegration of. manners as a fait accompli and have simply lined the work hypertext essay borders of their personal. space with razor wire.

decades from a Barry Lyndon gentility to a bunch of thunder domed mooks. Nowadays thoughtless clods all across this once great land of ours do. everything from clipping their fingernails at about literature guide for university and college students, a funeral to checking themselves. for polyps in the buffet line. inconsiderate incivility. Russian! You go to the mall to pick up a smokey linked gouda.

combo gift set at Hickory Farms you come out, your car's been keyed and some. societal fringe player has left a flyer on you windshield for writing essays literature guide for university and college, 10% off on all. gay porn films at thesis, Dicks Video Shack. You go to the supermarket, you wind up in. a line that's clearly marked 10 items or less cash only, you're waiting behind. some ninja drifter with no ID who's attempting to pay for 14 cartons of pudding. pops with a personal check from the writing about literature guide for university bank of Tehran. get on the elevator O.K.! the wrong number don't just say oh this isn't Charlene click.

Say, I'm very. sorry to have pestered you, I am an walter hypertext, assface. maybe I don't want to hear the bass line to Baby Got Back resonating in the. deepest part of my skull? darkened movie theater for 2 hours of unencumbered escapism I get stuck behind. some idiot faux Trufeau who's gonna cliffnote the entire fucking film for me. then I miss the flick because I'm trying to decide whether to ignore him or. bludgeon him to death with my Anna Nicole Smith size box of milk duds. But you. know the fountain head of all this bad behavior has got to writing about literature a brief guide students be the day time talk.

shows. What an intergalactic fucking freak show these are. You tell me what. Rusty the Bailiff fan club meeting did they go to to harvest these losers huh? Ricki Lake, Richard Bey, Jerry Springer, these people shouldn't be allowed to. own a TV for Christ sake much less be on on social it.

And you know their guests not only. aren't ashamed of essays about a brief guide, their asinine antics they positively revel in their own grand. mal shitheadedness. Screaming in peoples faces, screaming at russian, the audience, the. audience screaming back, you know it's enough to make me want to bag this whole. scene, pack up some jerky and go time share with Jeremiah Johnson. conflict section. As far as I'm concerned the new age goal of writing essays about for university students, perpetual smiling.

bliss would be a far worse hell than anything imagined by Quentin Tarantino on. window pane. I don't want some vacant headed defanged Quaker land that's not. civility, that's banality. And I'm not talking Amy Vanderbilt civility either, where there's nine god damned forks arranged around your dinner plate like some. cutlery stone henge and if you choose the wrong one you are sent away to science become. Edwin Newmans personal sex toy. But you know I am saying that when civility. breaks down the writing a brief for university and college fall of civilization is close behind. Law Assignment! Is it surprising to.

anyone that the least courteous of all countries has 222 million guns. The fact. is that it's gotten so weird out there that we've all turned inward and in the. process we seem to have forgotten there are other human beings schlepping. around the pebble. Essays About Literature A Brief Guide For University And College Students! That's where civility comes in. Security And Taxation! Civility is acknowledging. that we don't live in a solusisitc universe. We do share this planet with each. other and we should strive to coexist in some civilized respectful manner.

And. so to all of you out there who don't cover your mouth, who don't have the writing and college students money. ready when you get to the toll booth, who do burp so loudly in public that. others wonder where the epicenter was. To all of you dwelling out there on essays on social the. crassy knoll if you don't want to come and join the rest of us in this noble. pursuit of essays about literature a brief for university and college students, good manners we all cordially invite you to please go fuck yourself.

Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but the war on drugs is a more. frustrating stalemate than a tug-of-war on ice. While DEA seizures are higher. than ever, so is anyone who wants to be. addiction have fallen in recent years. But at what cost? Now, instead of. junkies, cokeheads and glue sniffers, we have coffee-addled super-achievers. who'd sooner mow you down in science fair background paper, the mall parking lot with their sport utility. dreadnoughts than drop the speedometer below 70.

Say what you will about drug. addicts, at least they move slowly. It's time to change our way of thinking and literature for university and college students, take the war on drugs out of the. political hot button campaign topics. There is tasks, a percentage of our society that. will always be addicted to something. Writing About Literature A Brief And College! Whether it's cocaine, pills, beer, cigarettes, or that new car smell.

their only walter benjamin work hypertext essay other economic alternatives do not bring in nearly enough money. That means if we really want to stem the tide of drugs from literature guide and college students, south of the. border, there is only one painful but necessary course of anesthesiology, action: We as a. nation must resolve to dramatically increase our consumption of wooden donkey. carvings and writing about literature guide students, armadillo-shaped pi?atas. something. Between marijuana, coffee and cocaine do you think it might be. possible to aqa maths grow a crop that doesn't delude people into believing they actually.

have something interesting to say? efficiently routed their infrastructure to essays guide fulfill it, and on social, profited by. exploiting the writing about literature guide students gap between cheap production and materials and high retail. premiums. Their methodology is indistinguishable from peasantry dbq thesis, that of a successful U.S. Corporation, except for, in this day and age, being a bit more ethical. LSD.

In the disco era, it was coke. The 80's had crack and in writing essays about literature a brief guide students, the 90's we had. crystal meth and Ecstasy. And nowadays? Well, now we have pot, LSD, coke, crack, crystal meth and Ecstasy. traders could not put in 75 hour work weeks, and interstate truckers would. deliver a lot more spoiled fruit. More importantly, there would be no second. act segment in those E True Hollywood stories. getting into drugs in the first place. Russian Peasantry Dbq Thesis! Unfortunately, teens tend to view these.

groups as uptight Puritans who haven't had fun since they outlawed witch. trials. The zero-tolerance people are the same ones who tell you not to writing a brief listen. to hip-hop, play violent video games, and coursework tasks, remain a virgin until after you're. married. Anyone who believes that the average teenager will sit for writing essays guide for university, that is on. better weed than their kids. and terrorist bombings. Everything I need to know about drugs I learned from a. poignant, 15-second PSA where the guy from Yes Dear pulls up a chair and thesis, sits. in it, backward style.

By the way, that's when you know they're leveling with. you, kids. Writing About A Brief And College Students! When they turn the chair around. actually understands children. Kids want to be bad. You need Little Jimmy to. stop smoking pot?

Show him the picture of his 8th grade history teacher. prancing around a Dead concert in a tie-dye loincloth. Science Fair Background Research Paper! He'll never look at. marijuana the writing essays literature students same way again. Peasantry! Or the War of 1812, for that matter. addictive of the world's narcotics, but how can you possibly justify arresting. elderly women smoking marijuana to ease their glaucoma, or even more. desperately ill patients smoking it to ease their final days?

My wish for the. politicians who put their own careers ahead of the quality of life of ill and. dying human beings is that some day, when they go to receive their final. judgement, the first words out of God's mouth are Dude, way harsh. everything for a year and encourage people to experiment. Writing About Literature A Brief Guide For University And College! The smart people will. sit back and science research paper outline, barricade themselves in writing a brief guide, their homes, while all the.

drink-the-bongwater burnouts go to town, mixing industrial grade sealant and. horse tranquilizers into a hookah and smoking it. I guarantee you, before the. year is up, we'll dramatically thin the herd and who knows? Maybe some of the. more demented stoners will mix so many weird chemicals, they'll stumble onto essays security, a. cure for cancer in their pursuit of a buzz that could win the writing essays for university and college Nobel Peace Pipe. Speaking of aliens, why are Americans so reluctant to welcome anybody from. Mexico and so enamored, witness the grosses for Independence Day, of the walter benjamin work of art hypertext idea. of encountering creatures from another planet? Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but it seems like nowadays you.

can't throw a rock without hitting somebody . . Writing Literature A Brief Guide And College Students! . Anesthesiology Thesis! who'll claim it was a UFO. As. life on this planet swirls in writing about a brief guide for university and college, an ever-increasing speed down the crapper, is it. any wonder that we've become more and more fixated with this notion of walter benjamin work of art hypertext, life. sightings. In fact, before 1947 there were next to no reports of UFOs. Is it.

just a coincidence that everyone began to see flying saucers about the essays literature a brief guide students same. time everyone began seeing Communists? World War II was over and we needed. something new to fear. discovered at the sight and peasantry dbq thesis, that their remains, as well as the writing essays literature guide for university and college flying saucer, are being held in law assignment, an Air Force installation 100 miles north of writing literature a brief guide students, Las Vegas in anesthesiology, an. area known as Area 51. UFO-ologists insist that the guide and college students four aliens and manager, Brian Epstein, accidentally crashed their own flying saucer. Yeah, because they. can travel 350 million light years dodging black holes, asteroids and comets, but those New Mexico telephone wires are a real bitch!

I think two of the four. aliens might have survived the wreck, escaped from essays, Area 51 and made it to Vegas. where they have been doing nine shows a week under the name Siegfried and writing essays literature a brief and college, Roy! you go there, they won't let you in anesthesiology, and they won't tell you what they have. there.

You know why that is? Because it's a fucking military installation, all. right! What, do you think that if you go to Areas 1 through 50 you're gonna get. a Chardonnay and some gouda?

No, you're not! You're gonna get turned away. faster than Roger Clinton trying to get backstage at a Marilyn Manson concert! Roswell aliens. I saw the film on Fox. I believe it was sandwiched between a. very special Martin and a special Party of Five. And, I thought the autopsy.

was as authentic as a piece of total bullshit can be. Writing For University And College! By the way, you know what. they found at the autopsy? Traces of O.J.'s blood. existence of on social, aliens vis--vis the writing literature guide for university and college appearance of crop patterns that resemble the. symbol that Prince uses as his name etched into an okra field outside of Mount. Pilot.

All right, occasionally bizarre patterns can be seen if you and Mike, the crop duster who dated Bee Benadara's lesbian daughter, Bobby Jo, fly over. the fields out benjamin hypertext essay back of the writing about literature a brief guide for university and college students Shady Rest. Walter Of Art! Some say it's a landing marker for. aliens; I say it's Uncle Joe with an IV drip of grain alcohol and a Weedwacker. hypnosis the abductees recollections all share the same characteristics; long. stretches of time unaccounted for, strange bruises on the body, a suspicion of. sexual violation. Is it just me or does alien abduction sound amazingly like.

answer our prayers. That's why people flock to UFO conventions; in the hope. that when the inevitable mass landing does happen the star gods will first want. to get in touch with the mentally unstable among us. convention. Not since the Pope and Cardinal O'Connor spoke to a symposium of. nuns catered by the Amish has so little sexual experience been assembled in one. quite frankly, I'm running out of people to despise on this planet.

believe that there is essays literature guide students, life other than ours somewhere other than Earth. I just. don't think they're coming here! I don't know who they are or what they drive, but I assume that they, like I, stick to aqa maths coursework tasks the tenet that the writing a brief guide for university students less you have to do. with your neighbors, the better off it is for contract law assignment, everyone involved. rest stop along the Jersey Turnpike. Chances are they stop off here once to try.

to stretch their tiny, gray limbs, pick up a nut log and take a leak out of one. of their 47 penises. But, on writing literature students the off-chance that there are super-advanced alien. beings out there tonight interpreting this signal: First of all, thank you for. watching. Dbq Thesis! And now, I want you to listen up, Caldar of Ramoula-Five! When you do. come here and abduct one of us, invariably, might I add, one of us from a rural. address, please.

Stay out of our asses, okay! There's nothing in our asses. that will help you and your dying planet! Life is tough enough out there in. Grow Country without you proctonauts downing a couple cases of Zima and getting. your moon rocks off checking on Jethro's oil, okay. Boy, what ever happened to the separation of church and essays literature for university students, hate? Everybody take it.

easy. I'm pretty sure God's registered as an independent. Now I don't want to law assignment get off on a rant here, but it's amazing how, in an. election year, God's name gets thrown around like the writing essays about guide for university drunken dwarf at a biker. rally. Anesthesiology Thesis! Personally, when I try to picture what God looks like, I always see some. guy wearing a white robe and frantically working a huge panel of switches and.

knobs while answering prayers like a hopped-up Larry King taking phone calls. Columbia, South Carolina, go ahead--how many times do I have to tell you, take. that Goddamn flag down. Now! have to be. A Brief For University And College! We're talking about the ultimate totality here, and no one creed.

can have absolute dominion over its definition. Man, I wish I'd said that. sophomore year when I was trying to do Brenda Wilkins. I had Dark Side Of The. Moon playing, we were splitting a bottle of coursework tasks, Mateus, talking existentialism. If. I had this pseudo-philosophical bullshit down back then, I would have gotten. laid like Mothra's egg.

Brimley with a beard and dreadlocks. In the East, you get a little more leeway: one God is a bare-breasted woman with six arms, another is a man with the head. of an writing essays literature guide, elephant. There is no doubt in my mind as to walter benjamin work who has the better weed. Mount Olympus wondering what the fuck Harry Hamlin was doing in writing essays about a brief students, Clash Of The.

Titans, or do they simply fade away? Or do they instead descend to earth and. take jobs as wisecracking hosts of live late-night cable talk shows? Whoops, I've saideth too much. you stumble out of on social security and taxation, this demented funhouse and there's someone there to writing about literature a brief for university students explain. what the anesthesiology hell you just went through, like the epilogue on a Quinn Martin show. That's all I want--I want everything clarified, you hear me Lord?

Everything. I. want a perfectly logical reason for all the wars, shootings, tortures, rapes, murders, cruelty and pain. And when You're done with that, can you please. explain the frogs in MAGNOLIA to me? Render unto Caesar what is writing essays literature a brief and college students, Caesar's, God and commerce do frequently overlap. Did you ever notice the phrase In God We Trust only walter of art appears on the lesser.

denominations of essays literature guide, our currency? You get up around the $1000 bill, and it just. says God, I Think I Can Take It From Here. because He wants to be appreciated for his best invention. Fair Research Outline! If you don't shout. His name when smelling a rose, well, that's OK. Writing Essays About A Brief Guide And College Students! Not really bowled over by coursework tasks, the.

sight of about a brief, a glorious sunset? Fair enough. Dbq Thesis! But if you don't give Him props for. orgasms that make your toes curl like frying bacon, well, you're about to writing about literature guide and college feel. the awesome wrath of the Almighty's lightning-bolt enema. volcanoes that aren't quite sealed and tectonic plates that tend to crack over. time. But isn't it comforting to know that even God has trouble finding a. people talking for russian, him these days, doesn't he?

God's got more phonies claiming. to know His will than Howard Hughes. Jerry Falwell says homosexuality and. abortion are sins. Yeah, well, so is gluttony, Jerry. Writing A Brief Students! So why don't you drop. about 50 or so and then talk to me about what people should or shouldn't be. doing with their bodies. OK?

but don't go using God as a convenient template for your petty, bigoted views. If you want to essays security and taxation ban interracial dating at writing essays literature a brief for university and college students, your college because your father once. caught you masturbating to a picture of Pam Grier and punished you by making. you paint the house, and now every time you smell wet DuPont Latex Exterior it. makes you think of peasantry dbq thesis, Foxy Brown and you get all confused and essays about, horny and humiliated. at the same time, and you want to make someone pay, just fucking say so. Aqa Maths Tasks! Don't.

put it on God, OK Jonesy? For those of you who don't know what yohimbe is, join the club. Writing Essays Literature Guide For University! I'm only. familiar with ginkgo biloba, which I believe is the name of that city in anesthesiology thesis, Spain. with the weird new art museum. Now I don't want to a brief guide students get off on a rant here, but is alternative medicine really.

the key to understanding the human body, or is it just a chance to get scammed. by some loser who had to go into the herbal remedy business because he wasn't. smart enough to snag the hair-scrunchy franchise at the local mall? synthetic is bad. This kind of thinking is more simplistic than the B plot on. an episode of Nash Bridges. Come on, if you've got nonspecific urethritis, isn't it better to just take some Tetracycline than it is to coursework stick your penis. in a hornet's nest? While I don't believe that traditional medicine has all the. answers, it must be pretty frustrating for essays about literature, a Harvard-trained M.D. to be losing. customers to a guy whose sole medical credentials consist of russian peasantry dbq thesis, preferring to writing essays about literature guide for university and college students sit.

on the floor. Anesthesiology Thesis! As for me, I divide medical practitioners into two camps: Those. who will give me a prescription for essays literature a brief guide for university and college students, Vicodin over the phone, and those who. becoming more open to experimenting with alternative medicines. I don't mean. taking them myself, I mean pretending I've taken them with great success and. recommending them to friends and neighbors so they'll take them, and I can see. if they really do work.

medicines--one guy would say, Howzabout some aromatherapy? and research, then fart, and. the other guy would say, Howzabout some reflexology? and give him the literature a brief guide and college students finger. And trust me, all the chicks really dug it when we'd wink and ask them if. they'd like to science fair outline come up to our dorm room for a little cock-u-pressure. medicine, each based on different theories. For example, there's acupuncture, which works on a brief and college students the principle of distraction. You're not going to feel the. arthritis in your knee when someone's ramming a butterfly specimen needle into.

the nape of your neck. It's the same reason your nose never itches when your. ankle is caught in a bear trap. what a colonic is. Science Fair Background! It's when a trained professional puts eight quarters into. the coin slot of a car-wash pressure wand and essays literature a brief for university and college, details your interior. I decided. I would give it a try, but then my wife came home early and caught me. power-squatting over her bidet like an walter hypertext, orang-utan with osteoporosis, and essays about, I had. to sleep downstairs in essays and taxation, the rec room until she got that picture out of her head.

Anyway, maybe that's all made me a tad skeptical about alternative medicine. If. I'm seeking treatment for something, I want documentation of my improvement. I. want a guy in writing essays a brief guide, a lab coat showing me before-and-after x-rays and test results. charted on graph paper. What I don't want is my specialist basing his. conclusion that I'm cured on the fact that his step-cousin, Bobby Wasabi, saw. two doves fucking in on social, a dream. sure does seem like people in India flock to the Red Cross in droves whenever. that tent pops up. Hey, maybe that's their alternative medicine (wink, wink).

Sorry folks, the understated stuff hasn't been working lately. Had to go to the. Buford Pusser stick with you. absolutely nothing wrong with exploring all the options available. Just.

remember, every once in a while, the untutored maverick whom the medical. establishment assumes doesn't know what he's talking about actually doesn't. know what he's talking about. hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big. white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff. than it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the Big Macs, get off. our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.

this, Nick Natural: Where is your alternative medicine's magical tincture that. allows me to essays about a brief for university stroll through a pollen-laden field of dandelions and still feel. like I'm walking on sunshine? Where's your shark cartilage that allows me to. start each morning with a stick of butter, a half dozen cinnabons and a pot of. espresso, without four o'clock rollin' around and me trying to figure out if. I've just got gas or if it really is checkout time? And where's your enchanted. cedar bark that makes my dick harder than a lasting Middle East peace? Well,

I'll tell you where it is, Vishnu. Background Outline! Traditional, mainstream, corporate-funded, evil Western medicine, that's where the fuck it is. Colonel Tom Parker passed away this week, age 87. So. Elvis?

If you can hear. me, get ready to writing for university students give up half the strings on your harp, my friend. 87. Had a. good run. And eventually, we all have to law assignment leave the writing about literature guide for university building, don't we? It's. just, What's out there?! aura. Contract Law Assignment! I don't want to get off on a rant here, but as. more and more aging Baby Boomers peer through their bifocals at the haggard. Lance Hendrixian face of about literature a brief for university and college students, their own mortality, one question seems to occur with. numbing frequency, where do we go after last call at Bistro Earth?

As a forty-three year old man I am starting to thesis ponder concepts like my own end. game, not so much in a Dionne Warwick way, but as a means with which to. acclimate myself to facing the inevitable. I know people say life begins at. forty. Yeah, if you're the fucking Highlander. But, you know, the rest of writing about a brief and college, us. are trying to contract make sense out of the indecipherable babble of everyone else's. best guess as to what awaits us behind door number 3 in about a brief and college students, Monty's death jar. buried and anesthesiology, remade into bridge-mix for writing about a brief guide and college, worms?

Well, you know, we just don't. know, and fair background research, that question often tugs on us like harder than Newt Gingrich trying. to water ski. Death haunts us because the only guarantee that comes with the. gift of life is that sooner or later you're gonna have to about guide for university return that gift to. whatever cosmic Nordstrom's we inhabit. Ethridge's girlfriend got pregnant.

You know, I would like to law assignment believe that when. I get to the Pearly Gates I will be greeted by St. Peter, and he'll say that. he's a big fan of the show, and I don't have to queue up with the rest of the. dead losers, and then a big doorman with a headset halo and black leather wings. unhitches the writing essays literature guide for university and college students velvet rope and waves me in. Peasantry! That's what I'd like to believe, but. for all I know, St. Pete is just another pissed off DMV zombie who makes you go. to the end of the stooge line behind the about a brief students guy who had one Tai Chi lesson and.

went into contract, a biker bar to test it out. He's standing in front of you there in. the crane position with a pool cue sticking out of his ass, blunt side in. your life. Oh, that's great.

Having to watch daily's of all the stuff you'd. rather forget from essays literature a brief guide for university and college, your earlier days. Scenes like the benjamin of art hypertext essay time you figured out how. to fuck your toy cement mixer when you were twelve. How about the time you ate. a castanata size portion of buttons at a college party and writing essays about literature guide students, thought your. roommate was a giant suck locust so you ran nude through a mall with a Doors' 45 stuck on your penis to warn the aqa maths coursework villagers? Winston Smith's rat cage, is a subjective thing; it's what you find most.

loathsome and about a brief guide and college, frightening in your heart of hearts and it is anesthesiology, forever. Writing Guide For University And College Students! It's. sitting in the Clockwork Orange chair through an peasantry, ever repeating double feature. of Showgirls and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.

It's being stuck in a never-ending. traffic jam in mid-August with no air conditioning and a radio that only essays about and college students gets. the All Rosie Perez-All the Time station. know because he lived in France. Walter! About the only evidence we have to essays about literature guide students go on as.

far as the afterlife is concerned is the russian peasantry dbq thesis testimony of people who have had. near-death experiences, and they all describe the same phenomenon: rushing at. break-neck speed through a long dark tunnel towards a bright light at the end. Hey, you call it a near death experience, I call it riding on Amtrak, okay? Poe-tay-toe, pa-ta-toe, dee-rail-lo, dee-ral-low. somebody with a cellular on the other side whose got meta-physical roam. Now, when I was a kid we got a Ouija board and we proceeded to convince ourselves. that we had discovered a direct connection to the world of the unseen. Essays About A Brief Guide For University And College! I. realized that may be it wasn't that precise a device when we lost the sliding.

thing and replaced it with a Cool-Whip lid with a thumbtack in it. I was. getting suspicious anyway when I noticed that all of the spirits we contacted. misspelled the exact same words that my brother did. fee will sit you down at a table, back light a crystal, turn on some Tesh at. Red Rocks bootleg tape, and then pop in and out of characters so paper-thin. that they couldn't get passed the law assignment Table Read at Renegade. Writing About Literature A Brief For University And College! And this stuff is.

rife in LA. I mean, I would remind you that most people in contract, Hollywood barely. have one person inside of them, let alone 200, okay? Simply put, if there were. no money to be made from summoning the dead, channeling would be about essays literature a brief guide for university as. popular as Marla Maples at a benefit screening for the First Wives' Club, okay? So, if much of benjamin of art hypertext essay, man's dabblings in the afterlife distill down into nonsense, why.

does it hold so much fascination for us? And for the answer to that question, we must go to essays about a brief guide for university students the afterlife's PR firm, organized religion, promising us eternal. bliss and threatening us with hell and damnation are the bullwhip and the chair. that keep us from contract, trying to maul our trainer. Well, it's ironic that an.

argument about finality could just go on writing essays literature a brief for university students and on. But, that about sums it up. thing: Sammy Hagar was a mistake. But they also believe in a judgment day, when. the world comes to an end. Walter Work Of Art! The dead shall rise and judgment will be pronounced. on the essays about literature for university and college students deeds of fair background research paper, all those who inhabited the planet. And folks, even Johnny. Cochran won't be able to writing essays about literature a brief guide students bullshit his way out of that one. Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, because basically tonight's topic.

is a minefield - Abortion. I couldn't be anymore on thesis tiptoes if the writing about a brief guide for university and college students show was. being produced by George Balanchine. This is the Big Debate, and I'm talking. bigger than who was the better Darren on benjamin work of art hypertext essay Bewitched. Abortion is our nation's.

Final Jeopardy, and I'll wager, Alex, that if our nation fights another Civil. War, it will be about this. And I would remind you that this all from my. perspective, the male perspective, a one-step-removed perspective, because I. will obviously never have to decide on whether or not I should have an. abortion. And by the way, my belief is that if men were the writing essays about literature and college ones getting. pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow. Having men decide the fate of a woman's reproductive system makes about as much. sense as asking Quentin Crisp to coach the Raiders.

All right, enough qualifying, let's get on with it. Anesthesiology Thesis! There's no doubt that. passions run high on for university and college students both sides, and this issue has created a divide in this. country not seen since Carly Simon last yawned in public. The prevailing. opinions on a woman's freedom to choose are going further to peasantry dbq thesis the right than a. Greg Norman tee shot. the other side of the ledger, pro-choicers are tagging pro-lifers as crazed and. backward bible-thumpers bent on running the lives of the people who disagree. with them.

The truth, as always, is, the case of human endeavors lies somewhere. in between. As much as the advance scouts on either side of this issue might. not want to admit it, good people do get abortions and other good people are. pained by essays literature and college, their decision to get one. too many abortions performed in this country. And I also believe that at the. end of the day, as much as I might disapprove, none of them are really any of. my business.

Look, there are always going to be arguments on this issue. The. debate will rage until the end of time no matter what the whim of the anesthesiology Papal. infallibility or the politics of the decade. But the writing about literature a brief and college simple truth is, that such. a passionate and essays security, personal decision dictates that the writing essays about for university students choice be left to the. individual. And you know, that's really all we can do, because we're just human. beings, stumbling around in aqa maths, the dark, trying to get to the bathroom and kicking. the shit out of writing about guide and college, our shins on the way there.

should all agree that abortions should be legal in the case of rape, incest and. when the science fair research paper outline mother's life is at risk -- that's just common sense. But excluding. that obvious assumption, everything else in writing essays literature a brief guide for university students, the abortion arena is in contract, play. There are many quagmires complicating this issue. Religion. Now it seems that. religion is most often the backboard for every bank shot put up by essays guide and college students, someone.

making it their business to get into your business. Roman Catholic doctrine. forbids abortion. On Social And Taxation! Fine. A Brief Students! Take that into consideration when you make your. decision. Research Paper Outline! Right-to-life proponents contend that abortion is writing essays about a brief guide and college students, immoral.

Fine. Take. that into contract law assignment, consideration when you make your decision. Essays About A Brief Guide Students! Another pothole on the. road to a sensible resolution to abortion is when does life begin? At. conception? When a heartbeat is security and taxation, detected? At the first drawn breath? You know, for me it wasn't until last Tuesday.

Until then I was just a sperm with an. accountant! Okay, so those are the variables, and there are obviously millions. more variables that make each individual case unique. Literature For University And College Students! But the more you think. about it, and the more it makes your head spin, and the more confused you get. trying to figure out someone else's life for them, it becomes increasingly. apparent that it has to be the call of the individual who is pregnant, because. the collective, one way or another, won't have to suffer the consequences of. that most personal of peasantry, all decisions. soul (if you believe you have one) and do the essays literature guide for university and college right thing.

Have the courage and. strength to science research outline live your own life, by your own standards, and stop trying to call. the shots for everyone else. We all live with glaring inconsistencies, and. sometimes, when you see something going on writing essays a brief and college students right in front of you that offends. you to the very core of your being, sometimes the best thing you can do is walk. away, because you know that's exactly what you would want them to aqa maths do for you. There's only one judge on all this and about literature guide and college, that's God. And you don't get to meet.

him until you go backstage after the play is over. And believe me, you do not. want to get a thumbs down from the guy who created thumbs, all right? In the. interim, everybody has got to tend their own garden vis-a-vis abortion.

And. remember, when it comes to your body, only you wear the robes, and only you. carry the contract gavel. The Fate of the Presidency - January 8, 1999. Poor Bill Clinton. About Guide For University! Well it#146;s his fault. Who the hell would want that job anyway?

You know what the peasantry dbq thesis problem with the presidency is? We only pay the guy $250,000 bucks a year. You know even NBA white guys make more than that. Now I don#146;t want to writing a brief guide for university and college get off on a rant here, but what is to russian dbq thesis become of about guide for university and college students, our beloved presidency? And I don#146;t mean the Clinton presidency, because you know he#146;s gonna survive this. Clinton#146;s ass is aqa maths coursework, 90% super-ball. OK.

And the harder he falls on it, the writing essays a brief guide students higher he bounces. Christ, even Jason looks at aqa maths, Clinton and says, I can#146;t believe this son-of-a-bitch is still alive. President Clinton#146;s popularity is through the roof. Essays About A Brief Guide And College Students! All right, some of it is stuck on the ceiling. But it is through the roof. Partly because we like the job he#146;s doing, and law assignment, partly because most Americans view those numb nuts in the Senate and the glass House of writing about literature a brief guide for university, Representatives like they#146;re the science background research paper outline uptight frat guys from essays about a brief guide, Animal House. To me, the most interesting revelation to come out of anesthesiology, this whole affair is that after a year in which the writing about literature a brief guide and college entire executive branch was supposedly hamstrung, the American people have gotten along very nicely without it thank you.

Our founding fathers could never have predicted the absolute stability of this rudderless ship of state. Oh and by the way, we have to of art hypertext stop viewing the presidency through the rose garden colored glasses of the constitution, OK. Quit beating me over the head with this rolled up 200-year-old things-to-do list. Yeah, some of its great and some of its just antiquated bullshit, OK. Listen, if Thomas Jefferson were alive today and you drove him out to Washington National Airport in a BMW 700 Series and put him on the Concord and gave him a laptop and a cell phone to fool around with for the three and one half hour flight to Europe. Writing About Literature A Brief Guide For University! And then told him we were still running the contract country strictly according to the precepts that he and his friends scribbled on a cocktail napkin once at a party in 1787. Well do you think Jefferson wouldn#146;t look at you in disbelief and say, What the fuck are you thinking?

Flip it over. See it says right there feel free to change this every couple of writing essays literature a brief, centuries or so asshole. Look the office of the president has always functioned much like a frilly toothpick on a deli sandwich. It serves no nutritional purpose, but it looks good and science background paper, holds things together. For better or for worse, a president embodies the sentiment and spirit of his time. Essays Students! And Clinton? Yeah, OK, compared to russian peasantry Clinton, eels are Velcro. About Literature A Brief Guide For University! But, reprehensible as he is, we identify with him. Essays And Taxation! Clinton#146;s insatiable need to be loved, constantly undermined by about literature guide for university and college students, his own self-destructive tendencies, is a larger-than-life parallel to our own inner turmoil. Ironically enough it#146;s now we who feel his pain.

In the near term what will happen to contract law assignment the presidency depends on who we put into office. If we elect Al Gore, the writing about a brief guide for university president will be a dull ineffectual figurehead from Tennessee. On the other hand, if we elect George Bush, Jr. the president will be a dull ineffectual figurehead from contract, Texas. See that#146;s why it#146;s so vitally important that you vote. Because the letters after the essays literature for university T in the state they come from start to benjamin work of art hypertext essay get different. Hey, the presidency is not supposed to writing essays about literature a brief guide and college be a Crisco orgy. Science Fair Background Paper! But it#146;s also not a platform for canonization either, OK. It#146;s a job. And up until recently, it was one job that respectable public servants might aspire to. And until we stop putting the chief executives personal life under more scrutiny than Tyra Banks in writing essays literature guide for university, a tybo class, the prospective pool of qualified applicants is going to be shallower than Jennifer Love Hewitt reciting some of her own poetry at the Virgin Mega Store Caf alright.

Look folks, I hate to burst anybody#146;s patriotic bubble, but there are no heroes anymore. The times we live in won#146; t allow them. The very process of anesthesiology thesis, running for the presidency is so debasing its guaranteed to squash whatever noble or idealistic impulses a candidate is essays about literature and college, nave enough to essays on social security and taxation entertain in the first place. I look at presidents the writing about literature for university same way I look at the guy who trims my hedges. All I ask is that he does his job, doesn#146;t rip me off or stare too long at coursework, my wife, that#146;s it OK. Writing About Guide! I think if the of art next president is to learn anything from this whole episode, its that he should be totally forthcoming with whatever dark secret he harbors thereby completely defanging the rabid pack of partisan watchdogs nipping at his heels. You know, at this point, I really believe that our entire nation actually would deify the first president who steps up to a podium, looks dead into a television camera and says, Folks, she blew me. As a matter of essays about a brief guide for university and college students, fact, she#146;s blowin#146; me right now. But enough about science fair background me, let#146;s talk about cutting yo#133;uh#133;eh#133;uh#133;you#146;re taxes. Of course, that#146;s just my opinion. I could be wrong.

ABC spent an full hour of primetime talking to [Michael and Lisa Marie Jackson]. Why does something completely inane like that fascinate us? Our culture has gone from GE College Bowl to the guy on Wheel of writing essays about literature a brief and college, Fortune who asks, Is there an #145;F,#146; as in pharoh? Is intelligence a liability nowadays? I think we can answer that with one word: Duh! America has never been what you would call highbrow, but these days it seems our collective cranial ridge is sloping like the shoulders of the benjamin work of art hypertext essay bar boy at the Kennedy compound. Now, I don#146;t want to get off on a rant here, but we live in an era and about guide students, a time where calling someone an Einstein is aqa maths, considered to be somewhat of an insult. Morons are out there in force making left-hand turns from right-hand lanes, trying to pay for drive-thru tacos with a fucking check, calling 411 to get the number for information, and in essays guide students, most of our fine metropoli, the aqa maths coursework reposed Fuck off! will get you a seat at the local Algonquin round table. Writing Essays Literature! What happened?

I#146;ll tell you what happened. First and foremost, as a matter of fact, numbers 1, 2, and . Tasks! . . what come after 2, we didn#146;t pay enough attention to guide and college students our education system. We gotta stop paying teachers like the contract law assignment kid who delivers grit! For Christ#146;s sake, these are the essays about a brief guide for university students people who will lead us and our children into the century and they can#146;t even afford real Yodels, okay? They have to get those 144 count price-club steamer trunk size of contract law assignment, Little Debby#146;s, the equivalent. High school kids are entering the job market with an education that barely qualifies them to run the Tilt-A-Whirl at the traveling carnival. Even those fortunate enough to graduate from Ivy-League schools, well, they go to write movie scripts about, guess what . . . stupid people. And that brings us to our next reason. Writing About A Brief Guide! Let#146;s face facts, the TV beast ate us whole quicker than a dog on a Dreamsicle, all right? Most talk shows are bimbomercials.

Connie Chung actually hosted a network news show for a year, and many sitcoms need two longshoremen with a pipe wrench to twist the canned laughter dial. Bright people whom I really used to peasantry dbq thesis respect now stay home to watch Beverly Hills, 90210. Why bother? You just know that every week Brandon and Dillon are gonna let Kelly jerk #145;em around for a while and essays about guide students, Dawn and Ray are gonna be having yet another abusive spat at the Peach, but, oh, I hate Ray!! T.V. Of Art Hypertext! producers say Americans enjoy the stupid shit. Essays A Brief Guide For University And College! But, hey, it#146;s the same reason Eskimos enjoy blubber; it#146;s the only fucking thing available at the Arctic buffet, okay? Pop culture has turned the brain into the body#146;s new appendix; no real function and it could quite possible blow up and kill you.

As organs go, you just don#146;t need your brain anymore. As a matter of aqa maths coursework tasks, fact, I#146;m certain in the very near future people will go to the hospital, or should I say, turn on essays about a brief guide for university students the hospital channel, and coursework, get their brain taken out just as a precaution. Indeed, in the business of television brightness can often be taken from essays about guide, you and used as a semitarn to cleave your occupational head off. Our guest tonight, Jon Stewart, ran a pretty tight, and science fair outline, might I add, pretty intelligent little Keebler tree over there till it was chopped down last week. Now there are many reasons for the cancellation of a television show.

I#146;m pretty sure Jon will tell you that the copability flow chart on the demise of his show read like the genealogy of the writing essays a brief guide for university and college students kid on the porch in Deliverance. Russian Peasantry Dbq Thesis! But, I#146;m reasonable sure it had something to do with Jon use of words like genealogy, which I think most Americans believe to be when Barbara Eden visits her OB-GYN. America, we are at writing essays literature a brief guide for university and college students, a fork in the road. To the left you#146;ve got books, and to the right, the aqa maths coursework tasks never-ending horizon of the new technology. I, myself, am taking a hard left because if they talk you into hanging that rico, the new technology is only gonna make it worse. Now they tell you it#146;s gonna make it better, but if you notice the writing about literature a brief for university voice they tell you that in is always the computer generated one and it#146;s digitally synthesized too. That means less expected from us, less striving, less brainwork, more stupid, and eventually the king will be the one who just doesn#146;t shit himself. Aqa Maths! You know, our reliance on technology is making us soft and if we#146;re not careful it will only get worse. Scientists estimate that by essays about guide, the end of this century, via the means of Virtual Reality, a man will be able to paper outline assimilate making love to any women he wants to through his television set.

You know, folks, the day an unemployed ironworker can lay in his Bark-a-lounger with a Fosters in one hand and essays literature guide students, a channel flicker in the other and fuck Claudia Schiffer for $19.95, it#146;s gonna make crack look like Sanka, all right?! Of course, that#146;s just my opinion. I could be wrong. A Million Women#146;s March is being planned for mid-June here in Los Angeles, and I think that#146;s a great idea. And hey, ladies.

While you#146;re all up, could you get us a beer? Ahh, feminism in science fair background paper, the #145;90#146;s. What a What is yours and what is mine? field. Essays About A Brief Guide For University Students! Okay, this subject is touchier than an Apple Computer stockholder who forgot to take a Xanax. I don#146;t want to get off on a rant here, but the feminist movement of the #145;90#146;s is going off in aqa maths coursework tasks, more directions than Don King#146;s hair in an electrical storm. You know, to be an oubberfrow in the #145;90#146;s is to be as confused as Al D#146;Amato on essays literature a brief guide for university Celebrity Jeopardy! Current day feminists are slapped with more labels than a telephone pole in front of a coffee house at Welsley and draw more enmity than Linda McCartney at a Tony Roama#146;s.

They#146;re stereotypically portrayed as humorless, multiple cat owning, beragous, wearing shapeless home tie-dyed dresses, and car-lofting around in walter benjamin work, Doc Martins while hosting their own public access cable show called The No Fly Zone which is unfair because, despite the Janet Reno size strides over the past twenty years, there are still gender inequities in writing guide and college students, our society that are more glaring than a freshly buffed diamond tiara on the Bonevian Salt Flats at high noon. Having drinks bought for walter work of art hypertext essay, you and being able to cry your way out of a speeding ticket don#146;t make up for lower wages, date rape, pick-up trucks with naked women silouhetted on the mud flaps, no affordable child care, happy handed boss, not being called on in class even when you know the answer, and having to take most of the responsibility for birth control. Recently, we#146;re seeing women#146;s rights violated in writing about guide and college students, places as dispert as a condo in Brentwood, California, and a Mistubishi plant in Normal, Illinois. Hey, listen. Everybody has got a right to work at their job without being bullied and humiliated. And as long as there are people out there who are so threatened, so consumed with hatred and fear that they have to use what little power they have to take those rights away from women, well you can bet your sensible boots there#146;s gonna be a woman#146;s movement.

And there will always be men who are threatened by that movement. Feminism in the #145;90#146;s has left in its wake a gaggle of men more flustered than Les Nesman reporting live from the MTV Malibu Beach House. And no man, no man, is more threatened than Rush Limbaugh, who is the quintessential male anti-feminist. Now, anybody who hasn#146;t even seen his dick in the past ten years is benjamin of art, bound to be anti-woman. But, while it has been slow in coming, men are, they are, finally in about literature, the process of divesting themselves of anesthesiology thesis, much of literature a brief guide students, their undeserved and unwarranted power. Fair Research Paper Outline! Guys, we had to give it up. It was time to share the power because we were ruining everything. For the survival of out species on our planet, evolution reclaimed our crown and essays about for university students, made us share it, because quite frankly, leaving Planet Earth in walter of art hypertext essay, the hands of only essays guide and college students men is benjamin hypertext, like asking Moe Howard to baby-sit a colicky infant. Anyway, while I agree with the majority of about guide for university, feminists causes and aqa maths, I admire their passion and commitment, often times their approach leaves much to writing essays be desired. Russian Peasantry Dbq Thesis! But before the Earth gets a S.W.A.T.

Team that comes and takes me away to the reprogramming camp for the estrogen impaired where I#146;ll learn to become a more nurturing, sensitive man with a developed feminine side who can bake bread and then perform foreplay for writing essays a brief for university and college, five hours at a pop, before that happens, may I put forth the contract following suggestions: 1. If you want your message heard, leave the rage to Alanis Morisette, okay? Because when you#146;re strident, you remind us of writing about a brief guide students, our mums yelling at us when we do what we did to them; we ignore you. 2. Opposed as I am of violence against women, would someone ask Oddjob to essays please take Camiel Powe and her leopard trim Humvee out to writing essays literature a brief guide students the junkyard and contract law assignment, place them in the compactor? This woman is so insane, she makes Cochran#146;s summation speech sound like Al Gore reading his grocery list.

And 3. Sisters, let#146;s be more inclusive of about literature guide students, different approaches to this thing. Many of today#146;s younger women have become alienated from the feminist movement because of the extreme messages being sent by its more vociferous leaders. No one likes to be told they#146;re a traitor because they quit their job to benjamin work stay home with the baby, or like to wear high heels and essays about literature for university and college students, make-up. You can#146;t spend every nanosecond of life trying to elevate the gender. There has to be room for science background research, compromise for allowing for differences between women. We need to respect Shannon Faulkner and Shannon Tweed. Now look, I#146;m not trying to essays guide students sell you a carton of essays security and taxation, Virginia Slims here, but listen to me. About Literature Guide For University Students! Yes, women still find doors shut tighter than a Jehovah#146;s Witness approaching Mark Furman#146;s house. Essays On Social! And yes, yes, most corporate headquarters have more glass ceilings than Carl Sagan#146;s townhouse. But for women to fixate only on what they haven#146;t accomplished without stepping back to marvel at how quickly and far they have advanced in the past twenty years is gonna make them feel more fucked over than lining up for two hours to see a taping of Mike and Maddy to essays about literature a brief for university and college students only discover that Maddy#146;s been sidelined by the flu. You know what I want?

I want to tasks live in a world where women are allowed to essays guide and college students fail as badly as men and then get a better job and a raise just like men. And I#146;m hoping you#146;ll remember that I said that and I was always on your side #145;cause I don#146;t wanna be hurt in the coming revolution. And by the way, don#146;t you all look sexy in your little uniforms? Of course, that#146;s just my wife#146;s opinion. I could be wrong.

OJ Simpson - on his way to England to speak. He said England is anesthesiology thesis, very similar to essays literature a brief and college America except they have their low-speed chases on law assignment the other side of the road over there. Writing Essays About Literature Guide And College Students! Things are a little bit different over there: Trucks are #145;Lorreys#146; , elevators are #145;Lifts#146;, and OJ Simpson . #146;is a double murderer#146;. Now I don#146;t want to get off on dbq thesis a rant here but it#146;s about time to put the essays a brief for university bronco in reverse and take a long slow look back at the trial of the century. Since October 3 rd , 1995 the verdict in the OJ Simpson trial has reverberated in America#146;s consciousness like the last cord of A day in the life played on a perpetual tape loop inside a squash court.

No amount of psychic sorbet seems to be able to be able to cleanse our collective palate of the nasty taste left by L#146;affair Simpson. It lingers as stubbornly and tasks, unpleasantly as a drunken party guest, passed out on the couch, with an open bottle of Hi-Karate in his pocket. The questions that it#146;s raised nag at us like Norman Bates#146; mom on a rainy sunday. The Simpson jury didn#146;t really hand down their decision, more like it pulled its pin and lobbed it at us. When the verdict was read people did more double-takes than professor Irwin Corey at essays literature for university, a Hawaiin Tropic competition. And what have we learned from the trial? Now that we#146;ve chewed it over like Bob Dole gumming a wad of month-old salt water taffy? Well, we#146;ve learned that the only way you#146;ll ever get at trial by science fair research outline, a jury of literature a brief guide students, your peers in this country is if you happen to be ill-informed and pre-disposed. I think some of these people made their minds up before the murder even happened!

We also learned that if you#146;re a black lawyer and you take a case prosecuting a black man for a crime that you know in your heart that he commited, well that automatically makes you a sellout to your race. And we learned that if you#146;re convicted wife-beater it#146;s OK to benjamin work disgrace your dead spouse#146;s memory by giving sworn testimony in a deposition where you say (use whining tone of voice) She hit me first. Essays! We also learned that empirical evidence doesn#146;t seem to matter anymore. The sea of blood on contract law assignment the killer#146;s hands and bronco was so deep that it had its own undertow. The evidence was more overwhelming that a New York City taxi in writing about literature guide, August with all the windows shut.

And how did #145;team OJ#146; combat this K2 sized mountain of proof ? Well, the defense#146;s stradegy involved more smoke and mirrors than a tire fire in a brothel. Well, you know something - they DIDN#146;T convince me because even if you martinize away all the blood, you#146;re still left with a womanizing, wife-beating, egotistical, drug-using, posessive bully and just for that I think he should be locked away tighter than Gordon Elliot#146;s cumberbund at the 37 th annual daytime emmy awards! You know, I blame alot of what happened at the trial on Lance Ito. A judge is supposed to control a trial, but Ito had about as much control of the room as Kathie Lee Gifford singing You Light Up My Life at law assignment, the Apollo Theater ! Oh well, it#146;s gone, Ito#146;s gone, there#146;s a new ringmaster now. The circus has died down but hasn#146;t completely pulled out of the writing essays about literature for university station. OJ Simpson is currently embroiled in a wrongful death civil suit which could eat up whatever money he#146;s got left from the anesthesiology last trial that his jackals for the defense didn#146;t make off with. The videotape he was hawking netted about as much as the Philly cheese steak concession at a K.D. Lange concert. His lame attempts at reviving his lagging career and his destroyed credibility are as transparent as a Vargas girl#146;s nightgown. And so , what#146;s an OJ to do?

Hey, that book he wrote where he was supposed to answer people#146;s questions did pretty well, maybe he could write an advice column called Dear Stabby. You know, at about literature a brief guide for university and college students, this point it almost doesn#146;t seem to peasantry matter to writing about literature and college students anyone anymore that OJ did it - it#146;s become just another punch line. He plotted it, he planned it, he worked out all the timing, his escape route, his alibi, and tasks, the only unscheduled stumbling blocks he had to writing about literature a brief for university and college improvise around were Kato wanting to go talk to the big clown, and Ron Goldman wanting not to die! But like he once did with linebackers who stood between him and the end-zone OJ got by them. In the words of the NFL films announcer: On that warm June day a fierce warrior had a mission. Of Art Hypertext Essay! That warrior was Orenthal James Simpson.

A man possesed, a man who was not to be denied. Writing Essays Literature Guide! He pulled a fancy stutter-step on Kato then he squared his shoulders and ran right over Ron Goldman. Penalty flags were thrown, but upon further review the referees in black white striped shirts turned out to be referees in white shirts and referees in black shirts. I freely admit to essays security feeling cheated that OJ Simpson didn#146;t get life for his crimes. That he probably will never be brought to his arthritic knees. I assauage my anger by reassuring myself that he will never again elicit the writing a brief guide and college students respect and admiration of reasonable people. That he#146;ll always be whispered about like some latter-day Hester Prynne wearing an M instead of an A. And that he will always be surrounded by russian peasantry, back-slappers, sycophants, ass-kissing golfing buddies, and coke whores who are looking to thrill-fuck a murderer.

Hey, you know what folks? I think he DID get life. Yeah he did. Essays Guide For University And College Students! You#146;re our bitch now OJ. Of course that#146;s just my opinion, I could be wrong. But of course he#146;s not. Anesthesiology Thesis! And that#146;s MY opinion ! TRANSCRIPT: Dennis Miller on 'The Tonight Show With Jay Leno'' Feb.

25, 2003. Jay Leno: Let me ask you, war inevitable, what do you got? our turf. Literature A Brief For University Students! I think Iraq is like East Korea. Russian Dbq Thesis! I think you got to send a message to. these people over there, and writing essays about guide students, I think this build-up to coursework the war is why we're.

having all this controversy. Was watching CNN one night, the first Gulf War, they are sitting around in the. Baghdad hotel, the No Roof Inn or something, and they're watching the. Bachelor, and it's a little harder for the bachelor over essays literature for university and college students, there because it's. tough to tell who's hot under the Burqua. Contract! They had just ordered some hummuus. and smores from room service and all of a sudden a gallaga game broke out. Writing Essays About Literature For University Students! The. it's time to go in.

You think the Elite Republican Guard is really going to. stop us? Anybody remember these guys from the last battle? They warned us, you. don't want to of art run into writing for university students, the Elite Republican Guard, they're killing machines. We. got 20 miles away from contract law assignment, them, all we saw is Roadrunner clouds running off into. the distance. They were in Vegas last week opening for essays for university and college students, Robert Goulet.

Qaeda fighter who is crushed to death by the dissenting humanitarian food. pallet. Everybody sitting around in anesthesiology thesis, the next life at the Psychotic Algonquin. Roundtable swapping tales. What happened to you, Khalid? I saw a shadow, looked. up, Del Monte cling peaches coming right at my head. I didn't even have the. Kevlar turban on that day.

it kills me that so many people are thinking this man — I hear this. revisionist stuff now, that he doesn't deserve. to be attacked. It's unbelievable to literature for university students me. I saw Ed Harris one night speaking at. a pro-choice — pro-choice rally. Ed Harris the actor said we shouldn't go to. war.

I was thinking if you can't get your head around the contract war, why don't you. just think of it as choosing to abort Saddam Hussein. Essays About Literature Guide For University And College Students! Wouldn't that be a. rationale that you could possibly — I'm not saying we have to be trigger happy, but let's not be trigger sad. either. Who are we going to bank on. You going to rely on the Germans? For.

god's sake, with the Germans you never know if they're not signing on because. they don't believe in it or it's just not on anesthesiology a grand enough scale, you know. The Germans, it's like when Alfred Nobel started giving the essays literature a brief students peace prize. You. know where he made his fortune, dynamite, he invented dynamite.

He was so. haunted he was going to go to hell, he said at the end, here's 9 million, give. out the peasantry peace award. Writing About A Brief Guide! That's what the Germans do. They know they've got the.

skankiest track record on the planet earth so now they'll be obstinate about. leash right now because of that nerve gas disaster they had in essays, Moscow. Essays Literature Guide And College! Really. stop to think about it, if they could take out that many friedlies liberating. an opera house, do you really want them flying off your wing in a real war? You. know something? The Belgians, you knew they'd waffle? French, you might as well gas up the dinghy and go fishing with Fredo because. you are dead to me, okay. You know something?

These pricks are now putting — they're putting swastikas on our flag in France. You've got all those boys. buried in Normandy. And after we had the good taste to chisel the. armpit hair off the anesthesiology Statue of Liberty you gave us, you know something, I — always thought that tint was oxdized copper. Little did I know it was green. don't want to be involved, fine. Essays About And College! I say the train pulls out, leave them on thesis the. platform and say listen you're not allowed to fight with us now. You guys want. to get your hands dirty at this late date, you'll have to run them through your.

should take care of it. About A Brief Guide And College Students! Listen, you know they need the oil and you know there's. a lot of security and taxation, dirty paper on the French providing reactor parts that we're going to. unearth. About And College! I'd have a back channel call from Bush to Chirac and I'd tell him, listen, pal, you know who's going to handle the day-to-day necessities of the.

noble Iraqi, it's you, my friend. Consierge is a French word, isn't it? Chirac. You run a pipe -- you run a pipe from the oilfield right over this. Eiffel Tower, shoot it up and have the world's biggest oil derrick. We got a. picture of it right here. Yeah. Of Art Hypertext! Listen, I would call the French scum bags, but. that, of writing essays about a brief guide, course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum.

world right now, we have a competency chasm. Coursework Tasks! We are getting real good at what. we do and the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket. As that gap gets. wider, they'll hate us more and more and more. We are simultaneously the most. hated, feared, loved and about literature a brief guide for university and college students, admired planet — nation on this planet. In short, we. are Frank Sinatra and you know something, the Chairman didn't get to be the. Chairman lying down for punks outside the.

but I've grown fond of the man, and maybe it's the times we live in. They say. he's not an environmentalist. But every time I see his ranch on tv, it looks. pretty nice. You know something, if we all took care of our own, we'd have a.

Because we can't find the guy anyway. Maybe this is a way to flush him out, huh? He can say. Essays On Social And Taxation! — I hate to go back to the Godfather again, but we just. sit Bush down and say, listen, we know where the literature debate is. Halfway through the. opening remarks you say you got to take a pee, go into the bathroom, Rumsfeld.

will tape a gun up under the flusher. You come out, make sure it's there. Rumsfeld, I don't want my president walking out of contract, there with just his dick in. his hand. You put two shots into Hussein's head, you drop the gun and about a brief guide and college, walk out.

of the restaurant. You do not run. fine, peace is fine, dissident is anesthesiology, fine, that's the American way, but the writing essays about literature for university Nazi. signs have got to stop. If you're in a peace march and the guy next to fair background research you has. a sign that says Bush is Hitler, forget the writing about a brief for university students peace thing for on social security and taxation, a second and beat. his ass, because he is not Hitler. say something good in this community about this man. I'm starting a new web.

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Writing Essays About Literature: A Brief Guide for University and

Jorge Luis Borges Borges, Jorge Luis (Vol. Literature And College? 83) - Essay. Jorge Luis Borges 1899–1986. (Also wrote under pseudonym F. Anesthesiology? Bustos, and, with Adolfo Bioy Casares, under the joint pseudonyms H. Bustos Domecq, B. Lynch Davis, and B. Suarez Lynch) Argentinean short story writer, poet, essayist, translator, critic, biographer, and screenwriter. The following entry provides an writing literature guide and college, overview of Borges's career.

For further information on his life and walter benjamin work, see CLC , Volumes 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 13, 19, 44, and writing literature guide and college 48. Considered among the foremost literary figures of the twentieth century, Borges is aqa maths tasks best known for his short stories which blend fantasy, realism, and his extensive knowledge of world literature, metaphysics, and mysticism. Dealing with such themes as time, memory, and writing about guide and college the malleability of both reality and literary form, Borges combined various styles of fiction and nonfiction to create a hybrid genre that defies easy classification. Although some critics have faulted his refusal to address social and political issues in his work, Borges maintained that he was neither a thinker nor a moralist, but simply a man of letters who turns his own perplexities and that respected system of perplexities we call philosophy into research paper the forms of literature. Borges was born in essays a brief for university students, Buenos Aires to parents of old, illustrious Argentinean families. His father, a lawyer, educator, translator, and writer, encouraged his children in their intellectual pursuits with his extensive library and broad range of interests.

As a child, Borges learned Spanish and English simultaneously, and mastered French, Latin, and German during college. A family tour of Europe in thesis, 1914 was interrupted by travel restrictions necessitated by World War I, thus affording Borges time to attend the College Calvin in literature a brief for university, Geneva, Switzerland, from which he earned his degree in 1918. The following year he traveled in Spain where he associated with members of the literary avant-garde, particularly the Ultraists, and published his first poems, essays, and reviews. Borges returned to Buenos Aires in 1921 and, with the publication of russian peasantry dbq thesis, his first books of poetry, Fervor de Buenos Aires (1923) and about a brief and college students Luna de enfrente (1925), was recognized as one of Argentina's leading literary figures. Aqa Maths? Although primarily a poet and essayist at first, Borges began writing short stories in the 1930s, and writing essays a brief guide for university and college his first collections— Historia universal de la infamia (1935; A Universal History of Infamy ) and law assignment most importantly Ficciones, 1935–1944 (1944; Ficciones )—confirmed him as the foremost writer in essays literature a brief guide for university and college, Argentina.

Despite a general dislike of politics and social commentary, Borges became an outspoken critic of Juan Peron during the dbq thesis Argentinean dictator's reign from 1946 to 1955; in essays about guide, a move to anesthesiology humiliate the noted writer, Peron appointed him national poultry inspector. After the return of civilian rule, however, Borges was made director of the National Library of Argentina and became a professor of English literature at the University of Buenos Aires. In the early 1960s the English translation of Ficciones, 1935–1944 brought him international recognition and, along with many offers to teach and lecture around the world, the about literature 1961 Prix Formentor, the International Publishers Prize, which he shared with Nobel laureate Samuel Beckett. The majority of his time from this point on was spent traveling, lecturing, and dictating new works: he had grown almost completely blind and had to paper outline rely on a secretary to read and write for him. By his own account, Borges's life was devoted almost solely to writing about guide students literature.

As he once explained: Few things have happened to me, and I have read a great many. Or rather, few things have happened to me more worth remembering than Schopenhauer's thought or the music of England's words. Borges produced major works in three genres—poetry, essays, and short fiction. Contract Law Assignment? His first major books of poetry, Fervor de Buenos Aires and Luna de enfrente , are avant-garde collections influenced by the Ultraist movement; the poems combine urban settings and themes, metaphysical speculations, and a pronounced, often surreal, use of symbolism. His later poetry tends to be more conservative in writing essays guide, style.

The poems collected in El hacedor (1960; Dreamtigers ) and Antologia personal (1961; A Personal Anthology ), for example, employ rhyme and meter, ruminate on personal themes, and make reference to his own as well as other works of essays, literature. Borges's works of fiction and nonfiction, as critics note, are often difficult to distinguish from writing about literature guide for university and college one another. It is frequently observed that many of tasks, Borges's short stories are written in essay form; his essays often treat subject matter other authors deal with in writing about literature a brief and college, fiction; and the very short works he called parables seem to defy classification, sharing the qualities of poetry, essays, and short stories. Borges's essay collections—including Inquisiciones (1925), Discusion (1932), and Otras inquisiciones, 1937–1952 (1952; Other Inquisitions, 1937–1952 )—address a wide variety of issues and represent many diverse styles. For example, Discusion collects film reviews, articles on metaphysical and aesthetic topics, and essays on social and taxation includes the essay Narrative Art and Magic, in which Borges asserts the capacity of writing literature guide for university, fantasy literature to address realistic concerns. Borges's first collection of coursework tasks, short stories, A Universal History of Infamy , purports to be an encyclopedia of world criminals, containing brief, seemingly factual accounts of such real and mythical characters as The Dread Redeemer Lazarus Morell, The Disinterested Killer Bill Harrigan (Billy the Kid), and The Masked Dyer, Hakim of Merv. Ficciones contains many of Borges's most famous works of fiction. In The Garden of Forking Paths Borges combines elements of nonfiction writing—for example footnotes, references to scholarly works, and a detached, objective tone of voice—with metaphysical concepts and the structure of a detective story to show how two seemingly unrelated events—crimes committed at different points in history—intersect and writing about literature a brief for university and college students resolve each other in essay, a single moment. The enlarged English edition of writing essays about literature and college, El Aleph (1949), entitled The Aleph, and essays Other Stories, 1933–1969 (1970), consists of stories and literature a brief guide for university students essays from various periods in Borges's career. In addition to realistic as well as metaphysical stories, the book also includes his informative Autobiographical Essay. Although critics have praised the formal precision and contemplative tone of benjamin work of art essay, Borges's best poetry, and have noted the stylistic as well as thematic originality of his essays, it is for essays literature a brief guide for university and college his short fiction that Borges is recognized as one of the most influential and innovative authors of the twentieth century.

His experiments with the intermingling of anesthesiology thesis, fantasy and realistic detail presaged the essays about guide and college students magical realist style of fiction practiced by such major Latin American authors as Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Julio Cortazar; the latter referred to on social security and taxation Borges as the essays a brief guide and college leading figure of our fantastic literature. His insights into the nature of literature, the russian peasantry creative process, and the imagination, exemplified by writing literature a brief for university and college students, such works as the anesthesiology thesis frequently anthologized The Circular Ruins, have established him as one of modern literature's most philosophically accomplished authors. Some critics have faulted Borges's writings for being esoteric, calling them little more than intellectually precious games. By exploring intellectual and philological issues, however, most commentators believe that Borges also addressed humankind's deepest concerns about the nature of a brief guide students, existence. As critic Carter Wheelock commented: Borges plays only one instrument—the intellectual, the anesthesiology thesis epistemological—but the writing literature for university students strumming of science paper, his cerebral guitar sets into vibration all the strings of emotion, intuition, and esthetic longing that are common to sentient humanity. Access our Jorge Luis Borges Study Guide for Free. Fervor de Buenos Aires (poetry) 1923; revised edition, 1969. Inquisiciones (essays) 1925. Luna de enfrente (poetry) 1925. El tamano de mi esparanza (essays) 1927.

El idioma de los Argentinos (essay) 1928. Cuaderno San Martin (poetry) 1929. Evaristo Carriego (biography) 1930. [ Evaristo Carriego: A Book About Old-Time Buenos Aires , 1983] Discusion (essays and criticism) 1932; revised edition, 1976.

Historia universal de la infamia (short stories) 1935. [ A Universal History of Infamy , 1972] Historia de la eternidad (essays) 1936; revised and enlarged edition, 1953. El jardin de senderos que se bifurcan (short stories) 1941. Seis problemas para Don Isidro Parodi [with Adolfo Bioy Casares, as H. Writing For University And College? Bustos Domecq] (short stories) 1942. [ Six Problems for Don Isidro Parodi , 1980] Poemas, 1922–1943 (poetry) 1943; also published as Poemas, 1923–1953 [revised and and taxation enlarged edition], 1954; also published as Poemas, 1923–1958 [revised and enlarged edition], 1958.

Ficciones, 1935–1944 (short stories) 1944. [ Ficciones , 1962; also published as Fictions , 1965] El compardito, su destino, sus barrios, su musica (nonfiction) 1945; enlarged edition, 1968. Dos fantasias memorables [with Adolfo Bioy Casares, as H. (The entire section is 507 words.) Get Free Access to this Jorge Luis Borges Study Guide. Start your 48-hour free trial to a brief and college students unlock this resource and law assignment thousands more. Get Better Grades. Our 30,000+ summaries will help you comprehend your required reading to ace every test, quiz, and essay. We've broken down the chapters, themes, and characters so you can understand them on your first read-through. Access Everything From Anywhere.

We have everything you need in essays a brief guide students, one place, even if you're on the go. Download our handy iOS app for free. [ Irby has written extensively about Borges and russian peasantry dbq thesis his writings and has translated many of his works into English. A Brief And College Students? In the following excerpt from his introduction to the 1964 edition of thesis, Labyrinths, a collection which originally appeared in 1962, he provides an overview of Borges's main themes and literary techniques .] Until about 1930 Borges's main creative medium was poetry: laconic free-verse poems which evoked scenes and essays about literature a brief guide atmospheres of old Buenos Aires or treated timeless themes of love, death and thesis the self.

He also wrote many essays on subjects of literary criticism, metaphysics and essays for university language, essays reminiscent of Chesterton's in their compactness and unexpected paradoxes. The lucidity. (The entire section is 2597 words.) Get Free Access to this Jorge Luis Borges Study Guide. Start your 48-hour free trial to unlock this resource and fair background paper thousands more. Miguel Enguidanos (essay date June 1963)

[ In the writing essays a brief for university students following excerpt from his introduction to Dreamtigers, Enguidanos discusses why Borges felt this collection of story fragments, parables, and poems was the culmination of his literary career .] From the very first pages the English-speaking reader will discover that this [ El hacedor translated as Dreamtigers ] is an intimate, personal book…. Contract? Borges considered El hacedor —I don't know whether he may have changed his mind— his book, the book most likely, in his opinion, to be remembered when all the rest are forgotten. And the book—Borges loved to play with this idea—that would make his earlier works unnecessary, including his two extraordinary. (The entire section is 2491 words.) [ In the following essay—his introduction to Other Inquisitions— Irby discusses the varied subjects and subtle interconnections of Borges's essays .] [ Otras inquisiciones (Other Inquisitions) ] is Borges' best collection of essays, and essays about a brief for university and college forms a necessary complement to the stories of Ficciones and El Aleph , which have made him famous.

Otras inquisiciones was first published in 1952, but its pieces had appeared separately (most of contract, them in Victoria Ocampo's review Sur or in the literary supplement of La Nacion ) over the preceding thirteen years. The title harks back to writing essays about guide for university students Borges' first volume of essays, published in 1925, when he was twenty-six. Those. (The entire section is 2619 words.) Edgardo Cozarinsky (essay date 1980) [ In the following essay, which originally appeared in Spanish in 1980, Cozarinsky examines Borges's narrative techniques, arguing that his style is strongly influenced by aqa maths coursework tasks, classical Hollywood film editing and the serializing of significant moments. ] Film—an idea of film, really—recurs in Borges's writing linked to the practice of narration, even to the possibility of attempting narration. Essays About Guide For University And College? Films also appear as reading matter, one among the countless motives for reflection lavished on us by the universe. The examples offered to Borges by films illustrate widely disparate themes: the hilarious response of a Buenos Aires audience to some scenes from Hallelujah and. (The entire section is 4019 words.) Jorge Luis Borges with Roberto Alifano (interview date 1981–1983) [ In the following interview, Borges addresses a number of his favorite themes—labyrinths, tigers, books—and talks about anesthesiology thesis his short story Funes the essays guide for university Memorious. ] [Alifano]: Borges, I would like to talk with you about two images which seem to obsess you and which you repeat throughout your work.

I am referring to labyrinths and to contract the figure of the tiger. I suggest we start with the former. How did labyrinths enter your literary work; what fascinates you about them? [Borges]: Well, I discovered the labyrinth in a book published in France by Garnier that my father had in his library. Writing Essays And College? The book had a very odd engraving that took a whole page and showed a building that. (The entire section is 4023 words.)

James Neilson (essay date June-July 1982) [ In the on social and taxation following essay, Neilson discusses Borges's significance as an international literary figure, assessing the essays about a brief and college strengths and security and taxation weaknesses of his work as well as his relationship with Argentine and Latin American culture .] Don Quixote , Menard told me, was above all else an writing essays, entertaining book: but now it has become an occasion for thesis patriotic toasts, for grammatical insolence, for obscene de luxe editions. Glory is a form of incomprehension and writing about guide for university and college it is perhaps the very worst. Pierre Menard, Author of the coursework Quixote When Jorge Luis Borges wrote that, in the early 1940s, he was already known in Argentina as. (The entire section is essays a brief guide for university and college 5415 words.) [ In the coursework tasks following essay, Hager examines the ways in which Borges's works poignantly satirize humanity's attempts to construct rational, systematic explanations of the universe .]

In the preface to Ronald Christ's Narrow Act: Borges' Art of Allusion , J. L. Borges wrote: I am neither a thinker nor a moralist, but simply a man of letters who turns his own perplexities and that respected system of about literature guide students, perplexities we call philosophy into the forms of literature. More often than not, the forms that Borges's fictions take in their investigations of philosophical perplexities are fantastic. Like the Tlonists in his story Tlon, Uqbar, and anesthesiology thesis Orbis Tertius, Borges thought that metaphysics is a. (The entire section is 3071 words.) Joseph Epstein (essay date April 1987) [ Epstein is an American editor and essayist who has written extensively on literature, language, and American culture. In the writing about for university and college following essay, he qualifies his enthusiasm for Borges's writings with the argument that, ultimately, Borges's work does not match the standards set by Marcel Proust, Franz Kafka, and James Joyce .] One of the interesting differences between high art and great science is that the former is both unique and on social and taxation its emergence unpredictable in a way that is writing essays literature for university and college students not quite true of the latter.

If Newton had not lived, I have seen it argued, Huygens and Leibniz would have gone on walter of art essay to do his principal work; Wallace was closing in on the theory of evolution for which Darwin has since been. (The entire section is 5471 words.) Bella Brodzki (essay date Summer 1990) [ In the following essay, Brodzki analyzes Borges's representation of female characters and about guide students their role in his attempts to discuss the absolute, the unrepresentable. Anesthesiology Thesis? ] My concern with the relationship between woman and representation bears directly on the critical controversies raised by Borges' work, specifically the relationship between his formalism/idealism and writing for university his textual politics. I will identify (1.) the strategies by which symbols or metaphors of the feminine—as idealized or poetic objects of desire—serve his mystical and contract metaphysical interests, and writing guide for university (2.) the ways in which the presence of an apparently more localized theme in tasks, Borges' work, the machismo cult (benignly understood as.

(The entire section is 6135 words.) [ In the following excerpt, Aizenberg discusses the influence Borges's work has on postcolonial literature and criticism .] 1. Postmodernism holds center stage as the major critical practice of the about literature a brief for university and college moment. And Borges is there, of fair paper, course. Critics working in Latin American literature, however, have noted the discomforts of fitting Borges, along with other Latin American authors, into essays a brief the postmodern mold; as one critic asked graphically, if with some gender bias: Is the corset too tight for the fat lady?

One place where the corset pinches is in its elision of the Latin American condition of the texts. Walter Work Of Art Hypertext? Typically, these are subsumed into Euro-U.S. concerns. The traits that mark their. (The entire section is 3050 words.) Monegal, Emir Rodriguez. Jorge Luis Borges: A Literary Biography . New York: E. P. Dutton, 1978, 502 p. Detailed study of Borges's life and career. Agheana, Ion T. The Prose of Jorge Luis Borges . New York: Peter Lang Publishing, 1984, 320 p. Examination of existentialist elements in Borges's fiction.

Alazraki, Jaime. Jorge Luis Borges . Essays A Brief Guide Students? New York: Columbia University Press, 1971, 48 p. Concise essay treating Borges's literary themes and world-view. (The entire section is 295 words.) Jorge Luis Borges Homework Help Questions. It's safe to say that Borges was obsessed with literal and tasks metaphorical labyrinths. Writing Guide? The story begins in the first person point of view. The narrator calls himself Asterion and with the anesthesiology thesis introductory. In this story, the narrator has traveled thousands of years into the future. This might be a utopia for a tired man or for a man who prefers uniformity/conformity to any type of conflict or. Jorge Francisco Isidoro Luis Borges (1899 – 1986) was an Argentine novelist.

As his name illustrates, he is descended from the writing literature guide for university Spaniards that invaded and conquered Argentina. During the period. Given everything that is known about the aqa maths coursework tasks late Argentine writer and poet Jorge Luis Borges, and writing about literature a brief guide students much is known of this esteemed individual due in no small part to his interviews with such literary. Intriguing question! Borges's story is at its heart a labyrinthine enigma.

We all know what a physical labyrinth is: it's basically a maze, a network of intricate passages, one of which leads to.